Coming Out

  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Feb 13, 2011 7:27 AM GMT
    Waited a while to come out to my sister b/c I though she'd freak out and couldnt handle it....well I was right, I came out to her a few days ago and she is now refusing to contact me in anyway...

    Not sure what to do....Im kinda freaking out bc im pretty much out to everyone and im not used to this. I didnt think Id be that gay person to have a family member reject them...but I guess I am.

    Should I just leave her alone or keep texting her n what not? Im tripped out BAD icon_sad.gif
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    Feb 13, 2011 7:41 AM GMT
    Breath...give her time.
    My sis was the same at first. She was mostly pissed that I hadn't told her sooner.
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    Feb 13, 2011 8:08 AM GMT
    Give her some time to absorb the news. She'll eventually call you. Can't say for sure that the first conversation will be pleasant. But hang in there.
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    Feb 13, 2011 11:39 AM GMT
    Definitely leave her, dude. If she finally comes back to you it will be because she misses you and realise how stupid she was to react lke that.
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    Feb 13, 2011 12:16 PM GMT
    I feel for you man.

    She probably needs time to process.

    Maybe send her one message saying you'll be ready to talk when she wants to pursue her relationship with you, and the door is open, for now.

    Then leave her to come to the mature decision on her own time. We can only control our actions and reactions. That is all.
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    Feb 13, 2011 12:22 PM GMT
    Give her a few more days. She needs to adjust and deal with what she's just learnt.
    Sure it's a massive deal for you coming out but its also a big deal to her. She will come around eventually.

    Congrats too on coming out.
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    Feb 13, 2011 2:44 PM GMT
    Damn - that sucks. As hard as it may be, I think you should stop texting her for a while and give her some time to sort through her feelings. Remember, you've had years to deal with how you feel and come out to yourself. She may just need some time before she comes around.
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    Feb 13, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    Hey man I can totally understand your situation. Everyone I consider important knows but my sister as well. I have thought about telling her but my gut tells me not to. If I told her she would plaster it all over face-book and then cause me a lot of trouble. I'm not sure if she would stop speaking with me but I don't want to risk it since there could be a chance in losing the relationships with my niece and nephew. I have lost close friends from telling them myself and also from other people talking about me behind my back. It was always worse when someone told someone else instead of it coming from me.

    Here's the thing about your situation. You have revealed your truth and she has revealed hers. You didn't choose to be gay all of a sudden (or at all) and you were the same guy 2 minutes before telling her as you were after telling her. It took you some time to find the right moment to tell her..she needs her time to sort through this revelation before she can talk with you. You should give her that- even if you say it in a text and then let her be. You told her because you love her and wanted her acceptance. You cannot force her to respond the way you want. It takes time. Time really is the answer. It may feel longer for you and god knows I know that to be true...but its the truth.

    I see a guy who is honest and courageous when I read your post. When you look in the mirror who do you see?
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Feb 13, 2011 2:52 PM GMT
    guys, im hispanic, born and bred in latin america, so things are more conservative and intense there. with that in mind, i came out to my mum and sister in november 2009, and trust me they are more understanding than you can imagine. you know why? because at the end of the day they love you for who you are and whatever makes you happy will make them happy.
    im not saying they will throw you a party because you came out, but they will certainly appreciate that you are lving your truth and that telling them takes a lot of balls.

    regarding your sister situation: give her time, you need to understand that her world just collapsed, the ideas and plans they had for you will not happen, and thats not easy, they will need plenty of time. she might even say some things now that might be hurtful but at the end of the day she'll realise she loves you and nothing has changed. best of luck!!!
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    Feb 13, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    I'm sorry it didn't go too well w your sister.
    But like everyone said, give her time. The ball is in her court, and there's really not a lot u can do. she'll need to be calmed down and ready to listen, before you can explain everything to her.

    people don't listen well, when they're upset.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Feb 13, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    It seems like a sister, especially if you're really close, would be one of the more accepting family members -- but guess not in your case. Sorry to hear that. Just leave her alone and let her process it all. She will come around. It's a shock sometimes to a family member who has known you their whole life, yet they suddenly find out they really didn't know you at all.
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    Feb 13, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    When i told my brother...he was like....This is what he said: " I knew it, i ws just waiting for you to say it yourself" i was like....ok...hahah...he is the only one who know i am gay..and like some friends. and because they are girls.
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Feb 13, 2011 3:18 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear this happened with your sister, but I am happy for you as this is a huge step here.

    The guys above me are right. Just back away for the time being and she will come around. In the meantime, focus on your own state of mind and your goals.

    You are one of the nicest guys here on RJ and I'm happy for you.
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    Feb 13, 2011 3:25 PM GMT
    oh man, that's tough! let's just hope it's just a knee-jerk reaction vs how she truly feels. the great thing is that you obviously have all the support in the world on this site. I recently came out myself and found RJ to be a fantastic outlet to chat with other guys in a similar situation.

    my advice would be to give it some time...and if you need to chat with someone and let it out, find some trustworthy people and just let it all out. it's amazing how much better you'll feel.

    we're here for ya buddy! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 13, 2011 3:36 PM GMT
    Sorry this happened icon_sad.gif

    GIve her time to grow up.
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    Feb 13, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    ChilaxinJOCK09 saidWaited a while to come out to my sister b/c I though she'd freak out and couldnt handle it....well I was right, I came out to her a few days ago and she is now refusing to contact me in anyway...

    Not sure what to do....Im kinda freaking out bc im pretty much out to everyone and im not used to this. I didnt think Id be that gay person to have a family member reject them...but I guess I am.

    Should I just leave her alone or keep texting her n what not? Im tripped out BAD icon_sad.gif


    Leave her alone. Don't engage her in any way, for the moment. Let her think about the bitch that she is,and is being, and, with any luck, she'll come to her senses.

    Understand, this IS NOT your problem. It's HER PROBLEM. You haven't done a thing wrong and need to move forward, with, or without, a bitchy, mean, selfish, sister.

    Understand, now that she's got a queer brother, she can no longer hold onto false beliefs about gay folks, and she's angry about how that makes her feel. You just happen to be the object of those projections of all that. Don't let her being head fucked fuck you up, too.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Feb 13, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidLet her think about the bitch that she is,and is being, and, with any luck, she'll come to her senses.



    I don't think this is a fair assessment at all. Your advice is all too often black or white with no room for the gray area. In real life, there is always a gray area. She's more likely disappointed, confused, surprised, and simply in shock. The brother she thought she knew is vastly different. She needs time to process this. To call her a "bitch" is short-sighted and not fair.
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    Feb 13, 2011 4:51 PM GMT
    some good advice, a little ignorant advice, here. bottom line is the ball is in her court and she has to hit it over the net....it hurts, but time is master here......best of spirits to you, brother.........................Keithicon_wink.gif
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    Feb 13, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear that buddy! I think that is what is so hard about sharing certain things w/ people you are close to like family/ friends. You think that you know them but at the same time you never know how they will react to certain things!

    Like some of the others I think you should just give her some time/ space and let her eventually contact you. She probably just needs some time to absorb the news. Best wishes!
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    Feb 13, 2011 6:17 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]stilsurchin said[/cite]some good advice, a little ignorant advice, here. bottom line is the ball is in her court and she has to hit it over the net....it hurts, but time is master here......best of spirits to you, brother.........................Keithicon_wink.gif[/quote


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    Feb 13, 2011 6:18 PM GMT
    Good for you!!!

    Sorry about her, that sucks

    but give her time man, it took you a long time (probably) to come to terms with who you are, you'll be lucky if it takes months for her to do so, and luckier if it takes shorter than that. In th meanwhile give her some space
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    Feb 13, 2011 6:20 PM GMT
    I am really sorry to hear that dude. Just relax and realize everything will be ok. I would stop contacting her and just give her her space. Its a sad reality, but she may not realize she is wrong until she stops hearing from you for a while. Hang in there buddy! icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 13, 2011 6:30 PM GMT
    Shit happens where you be gay, bis or even straight, shit happens.
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    Feb 13, 2011 6:43 PM GMT
    True_Blue_Aussie saidShit happens where you be gay, bis or even straight, shit happens.


    Thank you, Dr Ruth.

    I cannot add to the mostly excellent advice above. It is little consolation, but you will always have your RJ family to fall back on when things get tough. (We even have the proverbial mad cousin in the attic!) Keep smiling and best of luck.
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    Feb 13, 2011 6:45 PM GMT
    Be strong and give her time to process as all the others have said. I'm sure she'll come around to it.