Have you ever felt ashamed due to being gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2011 8:23 PM GMT
    Have you ever felt ashamed due to being gay?

    I'm asking because every time I'm close to accepting myself and coming out, I start to imagine how I'll feel with people knowing about me. I feel like I want people to know (especially last weeks got really tough) but on the other hand, I feel kind of ashamed, don't know how to call that feeling, it's strange and it leads me into very sad mood.

    Anyone?
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    Feb 13, 2011 8:32 PM GMT
    Only once, when I was rejected at a blood bank, right after 9/11, because I'm a gay man. And banned for life from donating blood in the US. That did leave me feeling a bit dirty, outcast, and a second-class citizen, as the Republicans who pushed for that regulation intended.

    But other than that incident, no, I'm rather proud & happy about being gay.
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Feb 13, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    I have never felt more proud and self-confident about myself than before I was out of the closet. You just can't breath in those dark and tiny spaces...
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    Feb 13, 2011 8:45 PM GMT
    Not since I came out which was 2 years ago. Before that, I liked everything about myself except my sexuality. I guess I felt "ashamed" of it too. I always thought It'd hold me back. I was lucky enough to have a brother who knew that I was gay even before I told him (because his girlfriend has EXCELLENT gaydar). One day, he just told me, without any pre-explanation, that he'd accept me and love me no matter what and that I should be who I am. It took a year before I finally talked to him about it, but it really helps when there's someone in your life that accepts you before you invite the rest of the world to your coming out party.

    But now, I'm closer to all my friends and family than I ever was. Things have never been better in my life, so I definitely feel no "shame" about it anymore.

    I know every situation is different, so it's ultimately your call icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 13, 2011 9:40 PM GMT
    When I was younger I did. Not anymore. I'm comfortable with who I am now and I've accepted it. Now being gay is no different to me then being straight to a straight person... if that makes sense at all.
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    Feb 13, 2011 10:25 PM GMT
    Nope. When I came out at 12 I felt more confused and unsure. Never ashamed.
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    Feb 13, 2011 10:29 PM GMT
    Coming out was a tough thing, it took a long time and there are people out there who can make you feel ashamed even though normally you dont. I never really got along with my brother but he is a cruel person and hasnt been as accepting.

  • Feb 13, 2011 10:29 PM GMT
    I feel ashamed about it all the time. Still to this day, I still have problems sometimes having to not feel ashamed...I still internalise a lot of the BS said by politicians and religious people about gays even though I know it's BS, but it still affects me and has affected me.
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    Feb 13, 2011 10:30 PM GMT
    Can't say i've felt ashamed of who i am - a guy who's gay - but, i often feel shame being associated with the gay community.
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    Feb 13, 2011 10:31 PM GMT
    Nope....before coming out, "yes" now I tell everyone, heterosexuals are weird and nasty. Gays just do everything better.

    icon_smile.gif

    Mike
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    Feb 13, 2011 10:31 PM GMT
    Oh yeah of course. Back when I hated being gay and wouldn't accept myself for who I am.

    That has all changed though, and RJ has been a big help with that so...THANKS EVERYONE!
  • Hammer89

    Posts: 237

    Feb 13, 2011 10:34 PM GMT
    I don't ever really feel ashamed of it. But just some words of wisdom, when you're in the closet, you really do feel like people will make a bigger deal of it than it really is. Once you're finally out of the closet and have been living with it for a little while, your eyes open up and you realize it doesn't matter as much as the media might make it out to be.

    That's just my experience. I wish you well!
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    Feb 13, 2011 10:34 PM GMT
    KSUOWL saidOh yeah of course. Back when I hated being gay and wouldn't accept myself for who I am.


    I've only come across one guy that felt that way----- but moments later he turned into a huge whore. icon_confused.gif

    From one extreme to the next.
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    Feb 13, 2011 10:36 PM GMT
    A1EX said
    KSUOWL saidOh yeah of course. Back when I hated being gay and wouldn't accept myself for who I am.


    I've only come across one guy that felt that way----- but moments later he turned into a huge whore. icon_confused.gif

    From one extreme to the next.


    You only met ONE guy who didn't accept that he was gay? Man, do you live under a rock??

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    Feb 13, 2011 10:37 PM GMT
    I've only felt shame when I chose to lie about my feelings.

    Other than that just the normal embarrassment of falling for the wrong people.
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    Feb 13, 2011 10:40 PM GMT
    Was only "ashamed" before I came out, at 18. Since then - NO. Have I done shameful things? Perhaps... icon_cool.gif

    In all, seriousness though. You will feel far better about the world in general after you come out. You are living in a world of self-repression. But keep in mind - it will still take time to get comfortable with your new life(!!).

    Good luck/inner-strength. We're all with ya!
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    Feb 14, 2011 12:04 AM GMT
    No not really.

    Look at it this way. If nearly all the civilized western countries, Europe, Canada, etc and that is a helluva lot of millions of people have said through their governments that it is ok and they have passed laws against discrimination then that's what the majority of people think. Including probably more than half of Americans.. So what's to be ashamed about.
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    Feb 14, 2011 12:06 AM GMT
    KSUOWL said
    You only met ONE guy who didn't accept that he was gay? Man, do you live under a rock??

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    Los Angeles... people here aren't as homophobic as they are in red states.
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    Feb 14, 2011 12:09 AM GMT
    I feel ashamed all the time that I belong to a group of people who think they are females but are actually males.
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    Feb 14, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    A1EX said
    KSUOWL said
    You only met ONE guy who didn't accept that he was gay? Man, do you live under a rock??

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    Los Angeles... people here aren't as homophobic as they are in red states.


    Los Angeles is like the US where pockets are accepting and other areas are not. Just go down to any Mexican dump, hold hands with a dude, and before you count to 30 some dump Mexipunks will start shouting the word "faggot" across the street.
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    Feb 14, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidI feel ashamed all the time that I belong to a group of people who think they are females but are actually males.


    LOL can i hide behind you when they start throwing the eggs at both of us?
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    Feb 14, 2011 12:14 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    Los Angeles is like the US where pockets are accepting and other areas are not. Just go down to any Mexican dump, hold hands with a dude, and before you count to 30 some dump Mexipunks will start shouting the word "faggot" across the street.


    What? I'd never shout such a term- let alone use it. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 14, 2011 12:15 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidI feel ashamed all the time that I belong to a group of people who think they are females but are actually males.


    the only thing you need to be ashamed of is not accepting my friend request icon_cry.gif
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    Feb 14, 2011 12:20 AM GMT
    NEVER!!

    I have always been able to accept my lifestyle and lucky enough to have a close-knit family who accepts me as well. I had NO say in whether I would be gay or straight...so what is there to be ashamed of??
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Feb 14, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    Mixed, complicated.
    I don't feel ashamed personally but in the context of others and how they feel I feel like I feel what they feel and despite my knowing better the fact that they might feel negative about it and because they can't understand makes me still feel bothered because it doesn't matter how I feel if they are feeling that way in regard to me because regardless of how I feel they are still feeling negative about it.
    Understand?