Am I crazy for wanting to say yes?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2011 3:28 PM GMT
    Hey RealJock.. it's been a little while. My computer has been broken, but now I gots me one of them fancy phones. Good thing too, cause I'm stressin about something, and could use your sagely advice.

    A few years ago I moved to New York, chasing after a guy. It didn't work out, and recently I decided it was time for me to go back home, to my family, old friends, and Kentucky. I'm really excited about the move.. but there's one thing I just can't get off the fence about.. see, I've been seeing another guy for the past three months. It's only been a short time, but he's really somethin else. Treats me like gold.. shares the same ideals as me.. and is an incredible influence. He doesn't smoke (anything), barely drinks,is really cute.. and not that I'm focusing on it but the sex is just.. awesome. lol He's really into me.. and though I'm not at the same level, I feel like I could be.. which is hard to imagine when I think about the guy that I moved here for, and how ruined that left me.

    When I told my boyfriend I was moving back to Kentucky, I assumed we would have a sad breakup, considering how new the relationship was. I was really shocked when he asked about the possibility of going with me. Now.. there hasn't been a choice made one way or the other, but I find myself really considering it O.O... It's a 600 mile move. He's lived with his family his entire life, and I feel like this step might be too big..

    When I bring up my concerns with him, he seems totally level headed about all the risks involved.. like he understands how tough it will be, and is willing to sacrifice to keep hold of me. He's even talked a lot about what it would mean for him personally to strike out away from his family. Am I crazy for kind of wanting him with me? Or should I keep him out of the mess I've made for myself?

    I'm not moving for another few months.. so we're taking our time.. thoughts?
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    Feb 14, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    If you are as into the guy as he is into you and you are both being totally upfront about any possible pitfalls, then absolutely go for it.
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    Feb 14, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    Ohh myyy...You struck Lottery winnings... Go make memories ..Take your Ticket and RUUUUUUUUN icon_exclaim.gificon_razz.gif Without second-guessing yourself icon_exclaim.gif

    Very blessed Omen icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 14, 2011 4:17 PM GMT
    Go for it.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 14, 2011 4:58 PM GMT
    Take the plunge and let the chips fall where they may. It sounds like he's thought about it and is fully aware of the ramifications. It may or may not work out ultimately, but it may be worth a good college try. Good luck and have a great life together!
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    Feb 14, 2011 5:02 PM GMT
    I assume he is of an intelligent enough personality that he can make the decision to move and like the other posters have said, if your feelings are strong for him then why not let the winds blow (no pun) where they may and cast your fate unto them....................sounds like a wonderful conundrum in which to be found...............................you lucky devil.........Keithicon_wink.gif
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    Feb 14, 2011 5:04 PM GMT
    You never know when Mr. Right is going to come along...and if this is HIM, you'll regret NOT taking him with you the rest of your life. There is nothing worse than growing old with a world full of regrets.
    He's a grown man...and sounds like he is perfectly able and willing to make a major decision that will effect BOTH of your lives.
    The only question I have would be: Do you care for him as much as he seems to care for you??
    This could be "IT", kid....don't f*ck it up!!!
  • massbuildah

    Posts: 276

    Feb 14, 2011 6:01 PM GMT
    When you strike gold baby, you don't leave it in the mine.
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    Feb 14, 2011 6:29 PM GMT
    Looks like the verdict is pretty one sided so far. I'll admit I've been thinking a lot of the same thing.. what sets me back is what this means for him though, not us. I made the same sacrifice for my first love, and it left me ready for a bullet, far far away from any one who cared. I'm not saying things will turn or the same for my boyfriend.. my point is, after being so low, and then realizing how important it was to be with my family, how can I let him bounce away from his after 3 months? Seems like that would be selfish... idk.. after all, he is a smart guy.. but he's-never- been on his own, so how can I expect that he really understands what he's getting himself into? I didn't... and it cost me years. This isn't a move down the street.. does that change the game for anyone, or do you all still think I should stop trying to control things and see what happens? (potentially at his expense..)
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    Feb 14, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    It's 600 miles within the same country, it's not the ends of the earth for gosh darned sake . icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 14, 2011 8:37 PM GMT
    awwwww...reading this on valentine's day makes me wanna cut a bitch! j/k

    It's not crazy for wanting him to be with you...and he's a grown man, he knows the risks, and so do you

    But the greater the risk, the greater the reward icon_biggrin.gif

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    Feb 14, 2011 11:00 PM GMT
    Let me play a little devils advocate.

    You’ve only been together for a few months and at this point you’re in the infatuation phase of your relationship. Everything seems so perfect, you think he’s the “one” and vice versa. Given time, the feelings you have for each other will mellow out and you both will be able to make more level headed decisions.

    I remember watching an interview somebody posted on this site with a psychologist who was a couples councilor specializing in gay relationships. The premise behind what he said was during the first few months of a new relationship up until usually the one year mark your body releases all kinds of “feel good” hormones and essentially you become drugged. You believe with all your heart that you’ve struck pure gold, found the perfect one, yada yada yada…It creates a incredibly powerful sensation that people confuse with true love and has the capability to void someone of rational thought. Usually after a year, or as I remember the councilor saying when couples start making major commitments is when these hormones stop being released, or aren’t released in the abundance they where previously. This is when you start to question your relationship, maybe you can’t see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person anymore, or you realize you just have nothing in common, or things that didn’t bother before start to. Essentially you start to see your partner for who he or she really is and not that “perfect” little gold mine that you struck some time ago.

    Reading between the lines it doesn’t sound like you want him to come back home with you and I wouldn’t let his infatuation with you push you into saying yes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    lol, buy him a return ticket. Or put aside money so he can go back if he needs to. As for his whole life so far around family, perhaps he's wanting to leave the nest. icon_wink.gif

    Your last guy taught you a few things about what not to do when someone moves to be with you, so you'll be fine, I think.

    It's still months away, so there's lots of time for the two of you to get into each other and find out more about this magical thing you have together. icon_wink.gif

    xo -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2011 2:25 AM GMT
    If you DIDNT take him along, I would personally come to Kentucky to kill you harakiri style
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2011 2:25 AM GMT
    Nobody on RealJock has the "mothers touch" down quite as well as you do meninlove. I feel better. icon_eek.gif
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    Feb 15, 2011 2:26 AM GMT
    There is no guarantee that it will work out and be a forever thing, but I think if you don't take the chance, you might be wondering for a very long time, maybe even years, if you did the right thing. Remember, if things get really bad and don't seem like they are going to work out, it is only 600 miles. You could get in your car in the morning and have him back to New York by late afternoon or early evening.
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    Feb 15, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    this is almost cute enough to make me vomit.

    anyway. they way u describe him, makes him sound like hes the kind of guy that has thought things through and it sounds like ur very important to him. im in support of him going. ..besides, lets say worst case scenario - u guys break up and hate each and dont want to see each other ->he can move back home right?
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    Feb 15, 2011 2:33 AM GMT
    Funny that nobody else so far has asked the question, but is your move back to KY set in stone? So far you only mentioned your decision to go back to your old stomping grounds, but not a compelling reason like a job, invalid parent or such.

    Can't you postpone or cancel or re-review it in light of recent personal developments? Give yourself time to really find out if he's the one. Maybe with him there, NYC will be lot better and you don't want to move back to KY anymore.

    I really think that you have something real going on with your friend and should not endanger it with a capricious move.
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    Feb 15, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    He sounds wonderful

    Go for it, go for it, go for it !!!! icon_biggrin.gif

    (Or maybe stay in N.Y. -- but either way. . . keep him!!!!!)
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    Feb 15, 2011 2:55 AM GMT
    If he can have a life outside of you in KY (i.e. can get a job, his own place, can make friends) then I say let him follow you. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't, but at least he's not dependent on you.
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    Feb 15, 2011 3:22 AM GMT
    Which bad scenario would you prefer?

    1. He moves with you. It doesn't work out. You guys break up and someone has to move to a new place.

    2. You tell him not to move with you and you sit alone in Kentucky wondering what could have been if he moved with you.

    If things are as great as you say they are, realize that doesn't happen all the time. I wouldn't push it away if I were you. Sometimes love needs you to take a leap of faith.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2011 3:28 AM GMT
    KentuckyTuss saidNobody on RealJock has the "mothers touch" down quite as well as you do meninlove. I feel better. icon_eek.gif


    lol, that's Fairy Godfathers for you. icon_wink.gif

    For you, good friend, a Valentine's Day card..(with lyrics for you to read along with)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    I say go for it. He obviously would'nt leave his family unless he feels something really special for you. If he's willing to leave his life back home for you, you should accept it and be happy that someone cares for you this much;D
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Feb 15, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    "I spent my whole life planing for my move to some place tropical. I move to florida and was in Heaven. REALLY! Then I met him. The man of my dreams. I sold everything and moved here to Munich, Germany. I didn't know the language or have a clue.. but I would still do it all over again for him."

    I posted this on another forum once. My move was 6000 miles not 600. You never know what will happen if you don't try. Go for it and listen to meninlove.
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    Feb 15, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    You seem to know this guy pretty well and you all get along great, so go for it !!! Your thinking too hard !!! Bring him home with you and be very glad you found someone as into you as you are him, it only happens once in life sometimes !!! this may be your once !!