CHEAP men...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 15, 2011 1:14 PM GMT
    very very cheap men. irrationally, unreasonably thrifty. insultingly so.

    discuss amongst yourselves- favorite stories, pseudo-psychoanalysis, etc

    i'd love some insight and some humorous perspective on this issue that's been plaguing me for months now, before i ended it yesterday.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 15, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    There's nothing worse than going out w/ ppl that itemize the billicon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 15, 2011 6:12 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidvery very cheap men. irrationally, unreasonably thrifty. insultingly so.

    129020769094385349.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 3:35 PM GMT
    It's a total turn-off.

    I went out with one guy who had to buy movie tickets for me because I was running late. Upon arrival I paid him the whole amount immediately (I don't like owing anyone anything). There were several singles. When we were seated, he sat there counting every bill before putting it in his wallet. All I kept thinking was: Do you honestly believe I would swindle you over $12?

    Then, we went into a bar where, as usual, I bought the first round of drinks. He decided he would buy the next round and left money on the table to cover the drinks. Of course, he calculated just enough for the drinks and not for tip. I had to put in my money for tips.

    ... I can go on and on. Plus, he's well-to-do so it's not like he's lacking financially...
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 02, 2011 3:42 PM GMT
    Being a financial planner, I'm always interested in what things cost and
    can be prudent with the expenditure of my monies (Ralph Lauren polo shirts an exception).

    But if you are paying for a meal and it's a date situation, one shouldn't be cheap. If you have taken the responsibility to ask someone out on a date and it is understood you are paying, be reasonable about it and if you don't want to, then date with the agreement that each pay for their own... or don't date.

    It is a real turn off to be with someone whose sole focus is to be cheap.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    I agree about not being cheap on a date thats just bad taste. I'm normally not cheap when it comes to other people but when it comes to spending money on me there is no limit to my cheapness.

    Let's see funny, embarrassing, humiliating story.....

    Well once when trying to get home without having to drive (because gas is expensive) I took a bus to the next town over to take the train from there instead of catching it in my city (same train). The bus was free because of my student status. Best I can figure I saved $11 in gas and about $2 in train tickets by taking the bus.

    I'd do it again, gladly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    As I recollect, lawyers were the worst.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 4:08 PM GMT
    Lemme tell yah about cheap:

    I had a BF who was very wealthy, owned 2 houses, and a co-op on Central Park in NYC, no mortgages on any of them. But he would never go to a place to eat that didn't offer discount coupons that he had collected. I will never go to a Pizza Hut again.

    One time he went back to NYC for 6 weeks for some acting jobs, while I stayed at his house. His agent was sending his checks back to his home, that I was instructed to deposit in person with his personal banker.

    So I go to the bank, and see this VP, who takes the first check, enters it at his desk computer in his office, and spins the monitor around for me to confirm the transaction. OMG!!! This guy had more cold cash than God, plus I knew he had a big investment portfolio, and all that real estate. But he drove a decrepit, barely-running pickup truck, and had me do his "glossies" for him because he was too cheap to pay for a professional photographer in a studio.

    Eventually we broke up, and a few years later he was living most of the time back in his NYC co-op. We remained friends, and he invited my current BF & me to fly out and stay with him for a week.

    We flew in right after a bad snowstorm & cold snap in January. And he told us to look for lost gloves in the snow piles on the sidewalks, because he collected them! And to prove his point, he opened a kitchen door to a staircase, sorta like an inside fire escape from the 16th floor, and on the steps there he had about 50 gloves spread out to dry!

    Most were "orphans" but sometimes he would find a complete pair. And he wanted us to scrounge the sidewalks for him! Now my current BF was a multi-millionaire himself, and he was horrified at the prospect. But oddly enough, once we did come across a lost glove on the sidewalk, and my BF dutifully brought it back with us, perhaps as a guest's obligation, I dunno. But I certainly never did. icon_razz.gif

    Oh, and did I mention that this first guy bought all his clothes used at yard sales & flea markets, even his UNDERWEAR? He even took my boxers when I had worn them out. A millionaire! Drove me crazy. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 4:17 PM GMT
    Casual dates do provide perfect occasions for "cheap men" to skimp to their heart's content, because most people, when they are talking about "going out", are not looking for a long-term involvement with their date. When you know you are not likely to see them again....

    Since I went back to school 2 years ago, money has become really tight; if I go out a couple of times a week, I wouldn't have enough to make rent. That's why I have stopped dating altogether.

    Seeing it's still winter, living on the street cannot be a pleasant experience.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Mar 02, 2011 4:36 PM GMT
    Cheapness is often subjective, and it doesn't really bother me because I appreciate a guy who knows the value of a dollar
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Mar 02, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    Define "cheap".

    I'm cheap/super frugal in the sense that I count the dollars to calorie ratio of the foods I buy, etc. Save a fixed minimum of my paycheck every month, don't believe in uncalculated "splurges", etc.

    That said, I am not possessive cheap. I'm happy to offer/lend money to friends or family that need it, pick up the bill on a date (usually bouncing back and forth who pays), share food, etc., don't nitpick what is owed, will fill up gas for a friend who's carting me around somewhere, etc.

    However, I'll also be more likely to suggest going dumpster diving as a date than going to a restaurant. (Diving is more fun really anyway.)

    So, you know, diff't kinds of "cheap". (Some of us prefer "frugal" icon_smile.gif ) You can be hardline in lifestyle without being ungenerous.
    [And I confess, I find profligate spending distasteful in others.]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 5:02 PM GMT
    I'd rather complain about the guy that blows through his life savings in one week.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    Jguy27 saidI'd rather complain about the guy that blows through his life savings in one week.


    I'm with you on this one. I tend to think I'm cheap sometimes because I'm always looking for the best deal. Lodging, airfare, 2 for 1 meals...whatever but then I'll gladly pick up the tab for friends or relatives. I think I'm more frugal than cheap. Penny saved is a penny earned (and no I was not around when Ben Franklin said that!).

    I tried to get the notion of being frugal across to my daughter when she was young. She wanted to run out to the toy store with some new birthday money. I told her that it was sometimes important to save your money for a rainy day. The next time it rained she asked me if we could go to the toy store since it was now raining. Not sure she really ever got what I was trying to teach her! LOL

    Nothing bugs me more than someone who has foolishly spent all their money and then cries the blues about not having money or not being able to pay their way. I've been frugal my whole life, have set aside money for retirement and now fall into a category of having too much to qualify for any type of financial program offered to others. Pisses me off to see others who have spent it all and then grab the free handouts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 6:04 PM GMT
    Yea I'm pretty cheap especially when it comes to dates. For the first 2 dates I'll go out and split the bill or offer to with a guy and after that if we click I tend to want to stay in and cook for dates. Being younger and liking guys in their 40s it is usually common for an income discrepancy between us and he may be used to a different lifestyle than I am. I just explain that I can't fit the nice restaurants into my budget and if he wants to take me out and treat me that's cool.

    I'll make it up in other ways. I'm a damn good cook and exercise it to repay the favor, or at least that is how I justify it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 6:49 PM GMT
    if i agree to meet with someone for coffee or a meal, most of the time i pick up the tab. I was kind of brought up that way.
    and when i shop , i never try to bargain.
    so when i come across someone cheap, i find it hilarious. One of my best friends is like that and we joke about it all the time. In a way i admire him because he always buys high end stuff, but second hand , he's a total wheeler dealer.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Mar 02, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidLemme tell yah about cheap:

    I had a BF who was very wealthy, owned 2 houses, and a co-op on Central Park in NYC, no mortgages on any of them. But he would never go to a place to eat that didn't offer discount coupons that he had collected. I will never go to a Pizza Hut again.


    Not to pick on you, but I'd rather have a guy like this who enjoys Pizza Hut or whatever than some snob who has to go to a five star restaurant all the time. Also, just because someone is rich doesn't mean I'm gonna automatically expect a certain type of restaurant.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 7:20 PM GMT
    ohioguy12 said
    Art_Deco saidLemme tell yah about cheap:

    I had a BF who was very wealthy, owned 2 houses, and a co-op on Central Park in NYC, no mortgages on any of them. But he would never go to a place to eat that didn't offer discount coupons that he had collected. I will never go to a Pizza Hut again.


    Not to pick on you, but I'd rather have a guy like this who enjoys Pizza Hut or whatever than some snob who has to go to a five star restaurant all the time. Also, just because someone is rich doesn't mean I'm gonna automatically expect a certain type of restaurant.


    amen and i soo agree with you...its actually refreshing when u go out with a guy and you do things that don't actually cost allot. And nothing irritates me more than guys who expect to get treated a certain way and expect you to take them certain places when you start dating them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 7:27 PM GMT
    Jguy27 saidI'd rather complain about the guy that blows through his life savings in one week.


    Ditto.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 02, 2011 7:37 PM GMT
    Jguy27 saidI'd rather complain about the guy that blows through his life savings in one week.


    Agree...

    I mean there can be the occasional penny wise pound foolish scenarios but yes I am big on savings...I really do cringe when I exceed my personal spending limit I keep on myself....

    Like I am kinda mad because I just went a lil over it...I will feel better once my salary comes in but then again its being directed at my label which I will soon be launching....

    Although most of seed money my parents (bless them) have given in order for my label to come into fruition...I most certain will find a way to repay them for the investment they have given me...


    My parents taught me about the value of money and I fully intend to make sure that once I have fully extended out my wings, I shall take care of them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 03, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    czarodziej saidvery very cheap men. irrationally, unreasonably thrifty. insultingly so.

    discuss amongst yourselves- favorite stories, pseudo-psychoanalysis, etc

    i'd love some insight and some humorous perspective on this issue that's been plaguing me for months now, before i ended it yesterday.



    ]very very cheap men. irrationally, unreasonably thrifty. insultingly so. ...... excellent words to describe that insane, self defeating trait some guys have but you have to keep your sense of humor about it.icon_biggrin.gif

    It's such a turn off when a guy is so focused on being cheap.

    pseudo-psychoanalysis- the tip of an iceberg. if he doesn't give warmly and he's cheap with money he will be cheap/possessive with other things too.

    Picture this. My date, an accomplished brain surgeon, invited me for dinner at a very expensive restaurant. I was clear to him beforehand that I couldn't afford it. A great meal. A great experience. When the check came he suggested we split the bill, which was about $750.00 w/o tip. A fucking brain surgeon.

    icon_lol.gifit's refreshing to meet a generous guy who warmly gives with no strings attached. Maybe you need refocus and meet more non-cheapos. The ones who appreciate you. Then the generosity is two way.









  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 03, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    KissingPro said
    czarodziej saidvery very cheap men. irrationally, unreasonably thrifty. insultingly so.

    discuss amongst yourselves- favorite stories, pseudo-psychoanalysis, etc

    i'd love some insight and some humorous perspective on this issue that's been plaguing me for months now, before i ended it yesterday.



    ]very very cheap men. irrationally, unreasonably thrifty. insultingly so. ...... excellent words to describe that insane, self defeating trait some guys have but you have to keep your sense of humor about it.icon_biggrin.gif

    It's such a turn off when a guy is so focused on being cheap.

    pseudo-psychoanalysis- the tip of an iceberg. if he doesn't give warmly and he's cheap with money he will be cheap/possessive with other things too.

    Picture this. My date, an accomplished brain surgeon, invited me for dinner at a very expensive restaurant. I was clear to him beforehand that I couldn't afford it. A great meal. A great experience. When the check came he suggested we split the bill, which was about $750.00 w/o tip. A fucking brain surgeon.

    icon_lol.gifit's refreshing to meet a generous guy who warmly gives with no strings attached. Maybe you need refocus and meet more non-cheapos. The ones who appreciate you. Then the generosity is two way.




    Oh boy. Well... Surgeons are known for being narcissistic assholes. And in general, its thought that surgeons are sublimating aggression and sadistic impulses in their jobs.... ie, they are unconsciously aggressive/sadistic, but get their aggression out in their jobs, in a healthy way.

    The situation you described sounds both narcissistic and sadistic at the same time. He clearly wanted to make you squirm by suggesting to split the bill, even when he knew you couldn't afford it (sadism), and he at the same time wanted to show you that he could afford the best (narcissism).

    Woo. Thats a keeper...........

    lol.
  • Syphon

    Posts: 366

    Mar 03, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    I am pretty cheap, but I'm also pretty poor. I just don't like parting with money, but I guess that's beneficial at this point in my life.

    But hey, when I'm on a date with a guy that I like, I'll pay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 03, 2011 2:52 AM GMT
    Syphon saidI am pretty cheap, but I'm also pretty poor. I just don't like parting with money, but I guess that's beneficial at this point in my life.

    But hey, when I'm on a date with a guy that I like, I'll pay.


    big difference between being cheap'stingy and being thrifty. thriftiness is sexy. cheap is not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 03, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    eagermuscle saidAs I recollect, lawyers were the worst.

    No we're not. It's doctors.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 03, 2011 3:07 AM GMT
    Chainers saidYea I'm pretty cheap especially when it comes to dates. For the first 2 dates I'll go out and split the bill or offer to with a guy and after that if we click I tend to want to stay in and cook for dates. Being younger and liking guys in their 40s it is usually common for an income discrepancy between us and he may be used to a different lifestyle than I am. I just explain that I can't fit the nice restaurants into my budget and if he wants to take me out and treat me that's cool.

    I'll make it up in other ways. I'm a damn good cook and exercise it to repay the favor, or at least that is how I justify it.