Why do guys assume you want sex if you're nice to them?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2011 10:27 PM GMT
    Some guy messaged me last night and we talked for a while about school-nothing flirtatious at all. The conversation eventually got around to him asking me helping him with his homework. After I finished helping him he says. “Thanks. You’re really cool to be helping me with all this but im not into hookups or black guys.” I was like icon_eek.gif

    This isn’t the first time this has happened either. Why do gay guys always assume that if you are nice to them, you are trying to hookup with/ date them. Sure I would be nice to some I liked, but I would let them know I liked them. The next time I meet a guy who is having a tough time with his Japanese homework what should I say “Fuck you go away?” Is it impossible to be nice to a guy without giving him the wrong impression?

    Just because I am nice to you does not mean that I want to play weenie-wars with you. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2011 11:01 PM GMT
    To you and all the rest of you who have this problem

    Ask your mother how she handled it or ask your sisters how they handle iticon_rolleyes.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2011 11:12 PM GMT
    Wow, I hope you put him in his place. The nerve!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2011 11:17 PM GMT
    I think I would be more worried if they didn't want sex..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2011 11:23 PM GMT

    I frequently begin my messages with strangers: "Don't worry, I'm not hitting on you". Sometimes I end the message with that comment. It seems to work for me...even when I tell a guy I think he's hot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    there were just a lot of things that smelled funny about the situation.....why even message me in the first place?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 12:18 AM GMT
    i assume they want sex when they're mean to me. LOL sorry. bad joke.
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    Feb 17, 2011 2:30 AM GMT

    I ge that all the time too. Very annoying. It is the underlying assumption that the only reason one would engage in convo is because sex is wanted. No other indicators have pointed to this assertion. They either have an over inflated sense of their own sexual appeal or such low expectations regarding their/your personality that anything other than the bubbling sexual scenario they have concocted in their mind as a subtext to the exchange becomes a strong and intoxicating delusion.

    Then they tend to get all butt-hurt when it turns out that no, you were talking to them for the enjoyment of talkings sake, and their egos take a massive bruising. They then either attempt to flame you to the best of their ability or they cease all further contact. LOLicon_lol.gif

    I pity the foolsicon_cool.gif
  • Syphon

    Posts: 366

    Feb 17, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    mnboy saidI think I would be more worried if they didn't want sex..


    This.
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Feb 17, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    Syphon said
    mnboy saidI think I would be more worried if they didn't want sex..


    This.



    i 3rd that motion it is when they dont want it something is wrong. not right away but period not good in the hood lolicon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    Syphon said
    mnboy saidI think I would be more worried if they didn't want sex..


    This.



    It is one thing to want it, it is another completely to assume it is one the cards without any real indicators. Platonic conversation, despite the views of the self-deluded, is not an indicator.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Feb 17, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    It happens in real life too, like when you leave your house and they're there. I have lost count of the number of women who followed me home from work because I was nice to them at work. Back then we called them crazy. Today they are called stalkers.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Feb 17, 2011 2:43 AM GMT
    oops wrong room. Wow that was a Stewy on booze moment. My weekend, sorry.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    they're desperate
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    Being a Gentlemen is rare now-a-days. People tend to think that if your nice to them you want something. They can never figure out that your being nice for the notion of being nice and nothing more.
  • Karnage

    Posts: 704

    Feb 17, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    I have had something like this happen to me countless times. For me it's usually the somewhat awkward or annoying boy/girl that everyone else is mean to. Because I'm actually nice and polite to them they think I like them and immediately develop a huge crush on me. Had this happen with a really annoying girl who now calls me her 'big brother'. She started doing that when she moved her crush to my younger brother, and then her younger sister started crushing on my instead.
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    Feb 17, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    I think it's called projection. Control (reject him before he rejects me), jealousy, lack of multidimensional thinking required to view men as anything other than sexual objects, digging for some sort of reaction so they can feel validated.

    If he's not someone your interested in it's ok just to blow it off. That's the best way to get back at people like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 3:05 AM GMT
    Apparently gay men can't start conversation with each other unless there's an ulterior motive for sex involved. Call me crazy, but I'm very direct in that department. If I want sex, I'll let you know.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    TheLetterD saidApparently gay men can't start conversation with each other unless there's an ulterior motive for sex involved. Call me crazy, but I'm very direct in that department. If I want sex, I'll let you know.


    we need more like you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 7:24 AM GMT
    I dunno. It seems to be a common mindset. I've had guys suggest that by gong on a bike ride with them, I was agreeing tohave sex. Or by letting them hang out naked on my farm. And there are those who think that by having sex, you are agreeing to marriage.

    Bottom line,if you haven't been explicitly leading them on, it's their problem, not yours.
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    Feb 17, 2011 8:21 AM GMT
    Hahahaha. That would be a case of "putting the cart before the horse" on their part. Any guy that mistakes being nice as an advancement for sex is an idiot. In short the guy you spoke to was an idiot so I wouldn't even sweat it. Just move on.

    Confusing sex with genuine niceness is an idiots move.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 9:35 AM GMT
    Nothing wrong with u. Just keep being nice. U will find some ppl that appreciate that without any sex involved.










  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 9:54 AM GMT
    The same reason guys fall in love with you if you have random sex with them and are still nice to them after that?

    *Feelings are like little treasures.......bury them!*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidI dunno. It seems to be a common mindset. I've had guys suggest that by gong on a bike ride with them, I was agreeing tohave sex. Or by letting them hang out naked on my farm. And there are those who think that by having sex, you are agreeing to marriage.

    Bottom line,if you haven't been explicitly leading them on, it's their problem, not yours.



    naked on your farm......um......what now?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    lol, that happened to me on more than one occasion. My reply was,
    "Please don't be insulted, but you're flattering yourself. I'm nice to everyone." followed by a warm wink.

    -Doug