Please tell me I didn't fuck up.

  • Brando

    Posts: 161

    Feb 16, 2011 11:52 PM GMT
    So I've liked this guy for a while now. And when we first met we were hanging out a lot and kept ending the night messing around.
    Then the holidays came and between both of our jobs we didn't get a lot of time whatsoever to see each other. We hung out the other week and just had a fun night of drinking and video games and ended the night by just falling asleep with each other.

    Today I texted him and told him I had plans with some friends tonight, but had a couple of hours to have some fun if he was down. He took it as a booty call. And I told him it wasn't and not to consider it that. After apologising he said not worry but just not to send him anything like that again. I don't have much (or any ) experiance dating anyone, and really hope I didn't fuck this up.

    What'll happen now? What about the next time me hang out? Do I make the first move or do I wait?
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Feb 17, 2011 12:17 AM GMT
    ask him to do something very on sexual, coffee or something.
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    Feb 17, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    Brando consider this from his angle, or simply put on his shoes.

    Like this:

    You really like the guy. You're smitten.
    He phones you and says he's got plans with friends but can see you for a couple of hours first for some fun. (The optics aren't very good.)
    It appears he's decided not to invite you along. 'Why not?' you ask yourself. It appears as well that you're good to kill some time with before he has a fun evening with friends.



    Now, back to things as they are. You make the next move. Invite him to an entire evening and when you get together, tell him you'd like to introduce him to your friends. It helps show him that he matters. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

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    Feb 17, 2011 3:03 AM GMT
    Umm... NO..... He's just being a drama queen. Plain and simple... Apologizing to him for nothing will actually encourage him for more passive agressive behavior like this. icon_idea.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Feb 17, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    Dude. You're absolutely fucking gorgeous. We'd pay to look at you on screen, like Ben Afleck or the Jason Borne guy. Good Will Hunting. I'm not telling you this, just remembering....Matt Damon!
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Feb 17, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    I agree with the last post. Either you are leaving something out or this guy sounds a bit odd.
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    Feb 17, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    Be honest, what do you want? Is he friendship material or is he a dating material? Then you need to tell him that, just maybe not so bluntly.

    We all misinterpret things, or read body language incorrectly, now is the prefect time to come clean. You can always open with something like "I'm sorry for the mix up yesterday" (this takes the pressure off him), you then can smoothly flow (in theory) into something along the lines of, "you should know...". This is where you provide the clarity. Its the do or die, the "I really like you and I want to see where this goes", or the "I really like you as a friend."

    Don't think of it as a fuck up, think of this as a defining moment, if you can come back from this with style, it says a lot about you as a person to him.

    We always are looking for what to say at the perfect moment, guess what most of the time its only afterwards that we figure out what should have been said. The best we can often do in the moment is to work our way towards a truthful response, that we feel comfortable with and one that is hopefully well received.
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    Feb 17, 2011 5:52 AM GMT
    Brando said...He took it as a booty call. And I told him it wasn't and not to consider it that. After apologising he said not worry but just not to send him anything like that again....


    It sounds like he got that text while hanging out with his fag hag. She's the one who replied back.

    Next text: "I have a couple of hours before running off to war. Want to play Parcheesi?"
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    Feb 17, 2011 5:58 AM GMT
    Try saying this:
    "I like you and I want to go on a date with you."
    Wait for response. Converse.

    If you like him, tell him what you want.

    Look at what happened. The first time you spent time together, you fell asleep together. He doesn't know if you would have hooked up if you two didn't fall asleep.
    Then you told him you have a few hours to have some fun. Nice message, but vague. Fun could be more games, or fun could be sex. Since you didn't say you kissed and you told him you didn't want to have sex, he might be thinking that you just want to be friends.

  • matt13226

    Posts: 829

    Feb 17, 2011 6:06 AM GMT
    i agree with meninlove look at his point of view maybe you should invite him for a nice evening and next time you hang out with your friends invite him along let him connect with them i mean you obviously like the guy so invite him next time to hang out with friends and do apologise for the text and tell him you didnt mean it like that or to offend him.
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    Feb 17, 2011 6:09 AM GMT
    matt13226 saidi agree with meninlove look at his point of view maybe you should invite him for a nice evening and next time you hang out with your friends invite him along let him connect with them i mean you obviously like the guy so invite him next time to hang out with friends and do apologise for the text and tell him you didnt mean it like that or to offend him.

    It's so easy, right? Just be the man you'd want to be with. Sensitive, caring, empathetic.

    -Doug

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    Feb 17, 2011 6:15 AM GMT
    Considering you've messed around before, I'd say he's being a bit dramatic by being upset at your friendly invitation to have some fun for a few hours.
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    Feb 17, 2011 6:19 AM GMT
    Supporting what people have said about being the guy you'd want to be with... and to add to that: don't make it more dramatic than it is. don't assume "you fucked up." invite him out "formally" -he'll most likely accept- and then at the start of that day apologize again.

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    Feb 17, 2011 6:50 AM GMT
    Since you've already had sex quite a number of times, I dunno why it's a big deal. I'd just apologize one more QUICK time when you meet and then never bring it up again.
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    Feb 17, 2011 6:58 AM GMT
    The,"I've got plans with friends " ,thing pisses me off to no end. So I can understand your friends reaction completely. I think It is rude to contact someone to let them know that they are on your "D" list but you can fit them in for a couple minutes before going out with your real
    friends. That's how your friend and I see it.
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    Feb 17, 2011 7:01 AM GMT
    I can understand his reaction. It probably made him feel like you just want him to be a hookup and he isn't looking to just be a piece of ass. I would have probably felt the same way he did. What would make it better if I were him is if you asked him to do something with no sex involved like dinner and just tell him sorry one more time and that you really like him and want to date him, not just hook up with him. That would pretty much make it all better in my book...
  • Brando

    Posts: 161

    Feb 17, 2011 8:27 AM GMT
    Alpha13 saidThe,"I've got plans with friends " ,thing pisses me off to no end. So I can understand your friends reaction completely. I think It is rude to contact someone to let them know that they are on your "D" list but you can fit them in for a couple minutes before going out with your real
    friends. That's how your friend and I see it.


    But its not like that at all. I know he goes to bed fairly early and thought he might want to see a bit of each other for a bit. The fact I mentioned to him that I was meeting with some friends was so he knew I wasn't planning on staying the night or even staying too late and keep him from getting to bed.

    I have invited him out with my friends before but he's always busy.. just like tonight, he was at work and couldn't have hng out anyhow.
    Trust me. He's not on my D list... I woulddve gladly shown up late tob my friends in order to spend more time together since we don't get to that often.