Slut Shaming

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    Feb 17, 2011 11:04 PM GMT
    Why do so many (not all) gay men do this. Why is someone who sleeps around considered pitiful and desperate or a sexual deviant? Being in a meaningful relationship works for some but not all, but it seems like if you don't want these things then people feel like it's their place to shame you for it.It's something I've seen here as well and I'm curious as to why that is.
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    Feb 18, 2011 1:32 AM GMT
    The definition of "slut" is anybody who has more sex than the person making the judgement.
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    Feb 18, 2011 1:49 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidThe definition of "slut" is anybody who has more sex than the person making the judgement.


    so so true

    I think it would be better to relate how quickly one likes to jump in bed with guys with 'slutiness' than how many people one sleeps with.
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:06 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidThe definition of "slut" is anybody who has more sex than the person making the judgement.


    Great way of putting it....I like that. It seems that many times people label others as 'sluts' when they simply have more sex with people then they do. In any case, it's all relative because each person will define the term differently. There isn't a universal number of people you can sleep with before you fit into that assumed label.
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidThe definition of "slut" is anybody who has more sex than the person making the judgement.
    Usually it's the other way around, but the person making the judgment is just more discrete about it.
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    GAMRican saidThe definition of "slut" is anybody who has more sex than the person making the judgement.
    Usually it's the other way around, but the person making the judgment is just more discrete about it.


    For the win.
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    i thought only women are sluts...?
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:26 AM GMT
    Aiden19 saidWhy do so many (not all) gay men do this. Why is someone who sleeps around considered pitiful and desperate or a sexual deviant? Being in a meaningful relationship works for some but not all, but it seems like if you don't want these things then people feel like it's their place to shame you for it.It's something I've seen here as well and I'm curious as to why that is.


    Gay men can be very catty, critical, and judgemental to other gay men (but also very defensive when others condemn their own gay lifestyle)
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:37 AM GMT
    I like the word.. SLUT icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:38 AM GMT
    @ youngbull.......how many times are you going to edit your post? LOL
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    GAMRican saidThe definition of "slut" is anybody who has more sex than the person making the judgement.
    Usually it's the other way around, but the person making the judgment is just more discrete about it.


    Agreeeeed
  • LJay

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    Feb 18, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    I think there is a good deal of difference between someone who has a good time anytime they want, plays safe, has manners, is discrete by not running their mouth about it and has a clear understanding with their partner, and someone who falls for anything walking, talks about it, generally acts like a tramp no matter who is around and treats people badly.
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    Feb 18, 2011 3:03 AM GMT
    There's a difference between a promiscuous person and a slut. A promiscuous person has a lot of sexual partners and is in charge of their sexuality. A slut basically throws themselves on every penis they can get because many don't realize the realities of sex addiction/compulsive sexual behavior.
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    Feb 18, 2011 3:22 AM GMT
    People have sex. It's a fact. Some more then others it seems. The difference between someone just having lots of sex and a slut is based upon how they conduct their business. A person having lots of sex doesn't air out their business or advertise it. They know what they're doing so do the people who they're doing. A slut advertises and just airs it out with no shame or class and usually doesn't have any standards in matter of who they are fucking.
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    Feb 18, 2011 4:05 AM GMT
    Kanaka24 saidi thought only women are sluts...?


    That's true. It's always been used as a word directed at a sexually promiscuous woman or prostitute. Check any dictionary and that's what it will say. And it's by no means a compliment. In recent years gays are using it to describe themselves and other gay men. I find it kind of bizarre applying a negative female word to gay men. It only further emphasizes society's stereotypical perception that gay men are some kind of female wannabes. There are thousands of profiles on this site alone in which men are self described as "masculine". They haven't abandoned that word yet.

    To answer the OP, I think any person who sleeps around may be pitiful and desperate, but not necessarily a sexual deviant; that's a more complicated issue. And there's an old expression, "what goes on in the bedroom (or other rooms) is nobody's business." For some reason certain people living in these days of the internet feel a need to tell us the explicit details of their sex lives.

    At 19, you've never lived in an internet free world.
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    Feb 18, 2011 8:37 AM GMT
    Good question. I've had guys come up to me at the bar with the audacity to call me a slut. Its always been queeny little things that I would never sleep with because I don't find them attractive in the least. I'm not sure if they say something out of anger (maybe I slept with someone they like), jealousy (maybe they find myself or someone I slept with attractive and are jealous that one of us slept with the other rather than him), or in an attempt to make me realize the "error of my ways". Regardless its rather tactless, very old-world, and down right out of line to shame someone for having sex. I don't lose any sleep over it. I know I'm not doing anything wrong: I don't lead people on, I make sure to use protection, and I don't use sex to make me feel better about myself. It just strikes me as odd that gay men who are asking the world to let go of it's conservative view on sexuality would turn around and attempt to shame someone for being sexual and having sex.
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    Feb 18, 2011 8:59 AM GMT
    Draper said
    Kanaka24 saidi thought only women are sluts...?


    That's true. It's always been used as a word directed at a sexually promiscuous woman or prostitute. Check any dictionary and that's what it will say. And it's by no means a compliment. In recent years gays are using it to describe themselves and other gay men. I find it kind of bizarre applying a negative female word to gay men. It only further emphasizes society's stereotypical perception that gay men are some kind of female wannabes. There are thousands of profiles on this site alone in which men are self described as "masculine". They haven't abandoned that word yet.

    To answer the OP, I think any person who sleeps around may be pitiful and desperate, but not necessarily a sexual deviant; that's a more complicated issue. And there's an old expression, "what goes on in the bedroom (or other rooms) is nobody's business." For some reason certain people living in these days of the internet feel a need to tell us the explicit details of their sex lives.

    At 19, you've never lived in an internet free world.


    Draper is right on the money here. Slut shaming is big in the heterosexual world, and it is a shame that women need to worry about being judged by their sexuality, yes, that's a shame. But this thread is about how gay men slut shame one another. I don't know if well adjusted gay men do this, but I have seen it on guys who are more towards the sissy end of the spectrum or really deep into the gay bar/club scene.

    WE ARE MEN. The word slut just cannot be applied to men. Scientifically speaking, men can't be sluts, because that's a term used to describe an overly sexual woman. In our species, this behavior people are trying to pin on male sluts is basically a normal sexual response in the male. Men are allowed to spread their seed, basically. Maybe my point is coming across as clumsy because it is late, but WE ARE MEN. We must remember teamwork, and build one another up. Not emasculate each another.
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    Feb 18, 2011 10:15 PM GMT
    This entire conversation is built on foundation made of sand.
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    Feb 18, 2011 10:38 PM GMT
    Cause were socially conditioned to think monogamy will get you on the path to salvation among other things....icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 18, 2011 10:41 PM GMT
    TOFUSTUDWE ARE MEN. The word slut just cannot be applied to men. Scientifically speaking, men can't be sluts, because that's a term used to describe an overly sexual woman. In our species, this behavior people are trying to pin on male sluts is basically a normal sexual response in the male. Men are allowed to spread their seed, basically. Maybe my point is coming across as clumsy because it is late, but WE ARE MEN. We must remember teamwork, and build one another up. Not emasculate each another.


    WOW! That sounds pretty sexist. So basically you are saying it's scientifically impossible for a man to be a slut because in our species the man has the right/is allowed to spread his seed? Ok. So with that being said that would only apply to straight men since they reproduce whereas we gay men don't so then scientifically speaking it's quite possible for gay men to be sluts. So with that logic set by your tone, only gay men can be sluts and straight men can't? Fail. The world SLUT doesn't emasculate anyone. If anything it's degrading. It merely announces how sexual someone is and how "free" they are about it and how easily they give it up with no regards of concern or safety to others around them. It goes beyond being promiscuous.

    Yes, men can be sluts, whores, prostitutes (gigolos) and whatever other term you can think of regardless of whether they are masculine or feminine they are.
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    Feb 19, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidThis entire conversation is built on foundation made of sand.

    It's always nice to have insightful input.
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    Feb 19, 2011 2:23 AM GMT
    I usually have the opposite problem, the "sluts" are usually shaming me for having differing opinions on sex. I in no way shape or form talk shit about a guy just because he likes to have as much sex as possible, that's just not my thing. To each their own...but most of them have the issue with me not wanting to hookup with them because that's not how I am.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Feb 19, 2011 2:26 AM GMT
    I though the title was "slut sharing", which sounded like a much more amusing topic.

    Also "meaningful relationship"? I think you're using the wrong language for your argument.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Feb 19, 2011 2:28 AM GMT
    oh who cares what people say. It doesn't matter, just do you.

    If you wanna sleep around, then fucking do it. Who gives a shit what other people say.

    Gay men this, gay men that. No gay man is the same. Just fuck 'em
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    Feb 19, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    youngbulll saidI like the word.. SLUT icon_lol.gif


    Yes. I consider it a complement. Unfortunately, I have not kept up my habits to continue to own that badge of scurrilous honor. icon_cry.gif

    I need to get laid.

    Can anybody help me?