Does A Friend Already Know the Lover/BF You Haven't Met?

  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Feb 18, 2011 1:36 AM GMT
    In their book "Connected" James Fowler and Nicholas Christakis postulate that the vast majority of us will end up marrying (read partnering) with someone who is already a friend of a friend.

    Tonight, at the gym of all places (as I NEVER network for romance at my gym) a good buddy said he'd like to connect me to someone he works with. Without going into details about the guy to whom he wants to introduce me, I was actually VERY excited, because I have a tremendous amount of respect for my buddy (he's a very cool straight identified cat who I hang with frequently to do things that I personally enjoy that most of my gay buddies don't like all that much fish, kayak, hang out and BBQ, just dull ass dumb guy stuff, frankly) and so somebody he thinks highly of comes with some pre-assumed qualities or at least a seal of approval...or, a nod of 'he's a cool guy' more or less. That got me to thinking about what Fowler and Christakis wrote and the following question:

    if you are partnered or even if you WERE partnered, how many men here are/were with someone who was already a friend of a friend?

    If you're not partnered or do not have a BF, would you think differently about meeting someone who was a friend of a friend, as opposed to someone you met randomly?

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    Feb 18, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    I met my partner through a coworker/friend. Actually, I'd say that when I was single about 80% of my dates were a friend of a friend type situation. I think it does seem to be kind of a "seal of approval" if the guy has a friend's recommendation. Then again, that could depend on the type of friends you have! icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 18, 2011 3:00 AM GMT
    My friends think I'm fat, lazy, and desperate. Why? Cus' that's what they would fix me up with. Soooooooooooooo............I don't date............. much.
    :-/
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    Feb 18, 2011 3:07 AM GMT
    Met my partner of 20 plus years at the home of friends of mine. He was also a friend of theirs but one I'd never met. He just happened to drop in on them one day when I was visiting them and the rest is how we say history. Oh and we fucked that first night as well and I didn't go running to my friends asking if I was doing the wrong thing or holding off until I got their opinions on it.
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    Feb 18, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    Good for you, but don't get your hopes up too high. Sometimes straight people only use 'gay' as qualifying criteria on whether you are going to hit it of.

    Good luck.
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Feb 18, 2011 3:56 AM GMT
    sashaman saidI met my partner through a coworker/friend. Actually, I'd say that when I was single about 80% of my dates were a friend of a friend type situation. I think it does seem to be kind of a "seal of approval" if the guy has a friend's recommendation. Then again, that could depend on the type of friends you have! icon_wink.gif


    Do you have single friends.......?

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    Feb 18, 2011 4:02 AM GMT
    I'm not a fan of friends trying to set me up with someone regardless if they know me well or not. At times I even found it a little insulting because the majority of my friends, both gay and straight, are in relationships and tend to think I'm unhappy because I'm single. I've had extremely bad experiences with blind dates (especially blitzed ones) and even ended a friendship because of one. The worst one was when one of my friends made a very bias and, I daresay, ignorant comment by saying "You're gay and so is he so what's the problem?"

    I'll take the recommendation in passing and that's about it.

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    Feb 18, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    I think depending on the friend and how well they know this other person it could be pretty cool. The only downside I could see is if things go badly, I wouldn't want my friend to feel stuck in the middle.

    That said I wouldn't trust my currents friends and their current judgement of who I would match with lol. I feel like the only common ground would be presented as "Well he's gay and you're gay" icon_rolleyes.gif lol
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    Feb 18, 2011 4:57 AM GMT
    In the str8 world the chance of meeting your partner thru a friend is like 90 percent some day even more.
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    Feb 18, 2011 5:01 AM GMT
    turtleneckjock said
    sashaman saidI met my partner through a coworker/friend. Actually, I'd say that when I was single about 80% of my dates were a friend of a friend type situation. I think it does seem to be kind of a "seal of approval" if the guy has a friend's recommendation. Then again, that could depend on the type of friends you have! icon_wink.gif


    Do you have single friends.......?



    Let's just say I'm doing you a favor keeping the single ones away from you. They are a bit, mmm, special. icon_eek.gif
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    Feb 18, 2011 5:52 AM GMT
    Ironically my last partner of many years (and I) had MANY connections from both our recent and distant past at the time that we met. Extremely odd that we hadn't met sooner - we even went to the same bars/clubs rather often.

    Now that we're no longer together, we NEVER run into each other - though we only live cross-town from each other. Very odd, indeed.

    I have been meeting guys that seem to have some connections to more distant friends of mine. Sometimes interesting - sometimes a bit disconcerting.

    I would actually love to be set-up by some friends that know me well. I think I'd trust their judgement. Mostly. icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 18, 2011 6:34 PM GMT
    Originally, when I met my partner, I didn't know him and promptly forgot about him. But we lived in about the same town, and our mothers knew each other. That's how we became friends and now to being lovers.
    Pretty much all of my friends are straight and married. Most of them married friends of family or friends of friends/coworkers/relatives, etc.
    My brother married the daughter of one of his officers.
    I think I read in one of Michael Gladwell's books that the degree of acquaintance between people is around 7 or 8.