Isolation

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    Anyone else find themselves isolated from other gay men who they find attractive. I live in a very rural area and the gay population here is rather sub-par. The men are either married, totally closeted, or for lack of nicer term, unattractive, physically and/or mentally. Not being shallow here, talking 200+lb and think pressing the button on a TV remote is hard work. Or 30yrs older then me and wanting to dominate me...really...

    So I find myself single not by choice but by force of the environment in which I live. I know once I graduate I plan to move out of the area and head to a lager city (not thriving metropolis, would not survive there). Anyone else ever had the same situation and did you move and find things better or go from big city or small town and experience the isolation.
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    I've had a similar experience. I thought that after my schooling, I would slowly start my 'gay life'. I live in a big city and it's still impossible for me to meet gay men. Not being in the bar/club scene, it really limits my interaction with other gay men. Online dating sites have been totally unsuccessful for me. I keep telling myself that soon I’ll begin a new life, but that day hasn’t come yet. I think I have to be more proactive about it.
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    Feb 18, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    Hmmm.... I've never been one to exist amongst a huge gay 'clan'. I find it extremely hard for me to get along with most gay men. Maybe I'm just a bitch.

    Why isolate yourself to strictly a gay community? Relationships come in many different forms, and we learn something from each and every one of them. Find the beauty in that, and one day you might just bump into Mr. Right without looking.
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    I feel this way alot! Living in the bible belt & where the nearest gay bar/community is an hoir from me! Due to my job & not wanting to be too far from my son I dont see it changing anytime soon.

    Maybe moving to a near by city soon that is the same distance from my son & has somewhat of a gay culture there, but until I can do that I just have to suffer thru it.

    It sucks here & I hate it. If it wasnt for my kids I wouldve done what every other gay male does & already be in san francisco! Lol
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    Feb 18, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    If you haven't yet experienced living in an environment where Gay is NORMAL, where even the great majority of heterosexuals see you as NORMAL.....then you owe it to yourself !



  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Feb 18, 2011 3:21 PM GMT
    I'd say find a city for sure...of course even gay friendly cities have limited options, unless you are in SF or NYC the local gay community can be provincial and small minded, but at least you should be able to find an attractive guy around your age.
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    Feb 18, 2011 8:08 PM GMT
    Haha finding a guy to date is an entirely other issue...damn for being mature for my age. Either way I would love to find a place where being gay is not a taboo and the biggest flag has 50 stars instead of 13 like most of the ones around here. Just to be able to walk down the street holding a guys hand w/o having to worry about why the truck heading towards you is slowing down and the gun rack is empty....

    SF might be too big for me, thinking something thats got a gay culture but gives me room to breath as well.
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    Feb 18, 2011 8:56 PM GMT
    Well Simon, I'm with you on this one !! I have some younger guys after me in this rural place where I live, they are bi, supposedly living straight, and nothing but trouble. LOL, We cannot win for losing it seems, just about no matter what age. But really its all good in the end for me at my age

    But you, young man, should do as your thinking and go to a larger area, try a College town where there are a lot of younger men like yourself. Think about Ashville, NC, Johnson City, TN, Knoxville, TN, Nashville, I take it those won't be terrible far from where that 13 star flag is flown. Ha !!! Keep us posted, and wish you the best !!!.

  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Feb 18, 2011 9:22 PM GMT
    Dude with your maturity...I have a feeling when you indeed move to a bigger city you'll be grounded enough to handle all that our gay culture will throw at ya...All the best...BUD
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    Feb 18, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    I'm with ya there, bud.
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Feb 19, 2011 12:03 AM GMT
    Simon78928,

    I know what you mean but I still feel a kind of isolation when in higher populated gay areas as well, I guess it's in a different way or for different reasons. I just wish part of being gay didn't mean one had to think about where they lived or how they fit in (with other gay people and/or straights) to be happy.
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    Feb 19, 2011 1:26 AM GMT
    Anyone got any good ideas for out west or up north, my being a bio/chem/physics major more research, lab, field guy here and thats where most of the type of jobs I'm after are....also don't like hot weather very muchicon_razz.gif
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    Feb 19, 2011 1:34 AM GMT
    I came out in a small town in Texas. Fortunately it's not too far from San Antonio and Austin, so I could always escape to those cities.

    Portland is a big small town with a pretty active gay community (not just barflies). There's also a lot of high tech in the area. Check it out!
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    Feb 19, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    Simon78928 saidAnyone got any good ideas for out west or up north, my being a bio/chem/physics major more research, lab, field guy here and thats where most of the type of jobs I'm after are....also don't like hot weather very muchicon_razz.gif



    Try Seattle, there's a lot going on out there. Check on Tennessee Eastman Chemical Corp, they have plants all over the US, France and several other locations in Europe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
    For years glbt people from small towns and rural areas have moved (or escaped) to larger cities. Although many like to say our sexuality is just a small part of our lives, it really is not as our sexual attraction also involves finding that person we want to spend our life or at least a significant amount of time with to combat loneliness. Many of us want to be in an area where we can meet those like us for this purpose. Slowly this might be changing as more and more people have come out and the internet has allowed us to reach more people, but even today there is still a lot of isolation in more rural areas.

  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Feb 19, 2011 2:50 AM GMT
    put yoself out there white boy icon_rolleyes.gif

    start datin some blacks. They're hot
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    Feb 20, 2011 6:34 AM GMT
    Never had a good experience with a black guy really...nor latino....sure the sex was got but then found out they were married, or had a bf, or just never talked to me again so there might be the exception to the rule out there but decided to stop trying. Been in 3 relationships (I define a relationship as anything longer then 6 months) and all with white guys and were great, so not racist just have my prefrence.
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    Apr 29, 2011 9:31 PM GMT
    One was to grow up in the Aussie bushicon_cool.gif I know live in a most livable beautiful city out in the burbs in a green belt, where there is no outstanding gay community. But the inner city gay ghetto is only 30minutes away up the freeway. But I never go there as I have no need to. Sexuality does not define one as a whole, nor does it dictate where I live, because I'm secure enough to live out in the burbs, and don't need to hide away in a inner city gay ghetto to foolishly feel I am safer, and better off.

    Is your heart being pulled in two diffrent directions? Do you go with everything you want or everthing you need. Everything one needs is out in the burbs, that is more like living in the bush, then the city. My wants I control.