Too Tired to Care

  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1510

    Feb 18, 2011 6:15 AM GMT
    I'm not sure I know how to accurately articulate what I have been feeling lately. I feel too tired to care anymore about how I come off to other guys. After a long day of fluid mechanics, wrangling with matlab, and then getting to unwind at the gym, the added stress about potentially finding a date is just... not needed right now in my life; I just don't feel like I have the time and energy to put myself out there anymore. IE I could meet a cute guy in the hallway, once upon a time in college I might have wanted to impress him, but now if he talks to me, swell, I'll try to be his friend, but anything more I just don't want nor care to pursue.

    On the same note though, I feel torn; I recently went down to route 1, where all the restaurants and bars are, and I passed by roughly 15-20 college couples holding hands on the sidewalk. It reminded me about how lonely I sometimes feel and yet I have these feelings of fatigue of having to play the dating-game while also having a large workload. It's hard to reconcile these feelings, when you see so many other couples seemingly having a wonderful time enjoying college, and I know these feelings I am having are not the most logical ones; I am easily picking out the couples in the crowd since they stand out. But I can without a doubt say that ALL of my friends have experienced boyfriend/girlfriend relationship(s), most of which since high school, and they have all definitely dated plenty of times before, whereas I cannot boast anything close to that. It makes one feel like the outsider, the lone duck in the pond.

    These kinds of experiences once propelled me so far to put myself out there, be on the market, make active efforts, try to attract the other guy. But as I've said, lately, I just plainly do not care anymore. It feels like a paradox. Has this ever happened to you? What are your life experiences? Is it a symptom of too much work (IE my school work keeps me up from 6AM to 3AM easily, engineering is time consuming)? Share and discuss.
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    Feb 18, 2011 6:42 AM GMT
    I feel the same way you do. I do feel alone but I'm tired of meeting people who are either flaky or not compatible with me. I haven't really searched for someone to be in a relationship with for 3 years know. Yes, I feel alone and it sucks some times but the energy it takes to put myself out in hopes of finding the right one is just not worth my time at the moment. I think that it's just going to take time before you meet the right person.
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    Feb 18, 2011 6:54 AM GMT
    I remember when I was first in grad school the pressure was immense that I didn't even have time to think about dating, even though in the back of my mind I never gave up the dream. Then during winter break I started dating a wonderful guy and the weird thing was that I was much more relaxed after having gone through that tough period in school before. It made me a stronger person with more focus and purpose in life and I think when you feel that the dating game is no longer the center of your universe, you start to be much more relaxed and the type of people and experiences that you attract to you start to change. Dating after that became easier because frankly I cared less about it. Sometimes less is more.
  • DKnight

    Posts: 152

    Feb 18, 2011 8:40 AM GMT
    Tired, then take rest! Dont wanna take care about it, then ignore it. I always do this way.
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    Feb 18, 2011 1:13 PM GMT
    That very well could have been me posting that. I find that I am generally so busy with my work that what little free time I have I use to hang out with friends, go to the gym, sleep, or have some time away from people. There seems to be no time to really search for a relationship.

    I think it is mainly just work related. Engineering school can be very tough (I know very well) but it is also quite rewarding. You will have some downtime at some point where you can starting thinking about dating but until then, press on and don't put any more added stress on yourself.
  • BoostToChase

    Posts: 103

    Feb 18, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    Studinprogress saidI'm not sure I know how to accurately articulate what I have been feeling lately. I feel too tired to care anymore [...].

    After a long day pursuing my grad school obligations and responsibilities, I come home and absolutely want to do nothing. I can certainly understand how draining the workload is and that it is digging into your social life (probably vacating it as it likes to do to mine).

    My advice? I don't think I really have any to offer. You know if your current work and workload are right for you. It sounds like you have doubts. Address them as soon as you can.

    I just had a talk with my advisor about my lack of motivation. At one point a Ph.D. sounded fantastic, but ironically, I find it to be too narrowly focused and it does not allow me to flex my capabilities to their fullest -- it is stifling and downright boring at times. My advisor is great and was very understanding, but just be sure you don't shoot yourself in the foot. I am to the point something had to change. My advisors opinion of me did not matter to me anymore -- I had to talk to him.

    So take the time to figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing. If you enjoy focusing on your work and don't want distractions, this is good. If this depresses you, you need to address the issue before it spirals into something worse.
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    Feb 18, 2011 2:34 PM GMT
    This is possibly the best time to just take it all in, smile and hold your head up. It may be difficult at times, however; you made an excellent comment.

    Walking down the halls in college, if the guy wanted to talk to you, he would.

    People are going to see you for YOU. Don't try to impress. Be yourself. That way when you ARE being yourself later after you had IMPRESSED them, it wont feel awkward.

    I see people of all different walks of life and different stages of their day. Some attract, some dont. (Note: I didn't say repulse). You like what you like. Many conversations about liking women as well. Bi, it is what it is.
    I'm not comparing your thoughts to being bi, it is just you need to make sure you can be yourself.

    Confidence is sexy, intelligence is icing. Remember though when you are out on a date/coffee meeting with a potential new shag, to be yourself.

    $.03 (with inflation/taxes included)
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    Feb 18, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    Lonely at times as you are progressing toward the full idea of yourself. No big whoop.

    Happiness for others; when we can see it, is an example for us; a reminder to keep our chins up. Beauty is a service, not an admonishment. You are being reminded of your own (higher) values. Perhaps its a cue to 'hang on'.

    As you are alone, you are choosing to not be the unavailable person, for some other. You are avoiding an opportunity to help another person feel less loved.
    Thank You, there is less pain in the Universe.

    You, and this very real, bit o' space you are riding on: are in the right place, at the right time, and the right thing is happening.The point here, and the inherent discipline that covers it, is that we are constantly and compulsively, identifying/codifying, reality in comparison to our internal imagination. You can imagine a character, who has a perfect relationship while maintaining top flight status as an engineering student; and now you're pissed, cuz that guy is not you. Stop doing that, it is extra behavior - You are gay...that means you don't have to buy into all that gay ass crap. Statistics show that there is no incredibly valuable debutant. Not judging; just citing a fact: they dont' really do anything....sorta like a half assed engineer who doesn't know shit.

    Imagining Perfect Beauty, and blaming Reality for falling short, is an arrogance against our Imagination. You can think again from a perspective of "ALL o' this", being 'for' you; rather than benign, or worse.

    If you were really too tired to care: you wouldn't.
    Thanks for caring about yourself: I only had a few minutes here, and someone has to do it.

    You are Love in a Bucket: jus' sit there, you'll be fine.
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    Feb 18, 2011 9:24 PM GMT
    Thanks for the post nofearpdx! Made me feel better about my similar situation.
  • bravehound

    Posts: 73

    Feb 18, 2011 11:10 PM GMT
    I'm not sure I'd need to go to the gym to unwind if I was getting a maximum of 3 hours of sleep every day. You probably are too tired to care.

    If your schooling does require that level of commitment for you to get where you want to be, then power to you - it's a good investment. If not - perhaps finding a level of some balance might allow you to get enough rest and time to enjoy other parts of life (at least a little bit). If your class load is too high, you'll probably be able to perform better in class by not being THAT under-slept and under-funned icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 22, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    Everyone's class-load is "too high" it's called college!

    On a different note, I think there are two types of daters. The ones who date a lot of people hoping that the feeling of love will come out of it, & the ones who wait to date someone they feel something special for. Either way eventually you'll find someone. It just sounds like you are the second kind of dater!