Communist Flight

  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Feb 19, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    The flood of American communists sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party movement (and actions of the Wisconsin Legislature) are prompting an exodus among Left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Ron Paul or Rush Limbaugh.

    Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, gay-rights and animal-rights activists plus Unitarians crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota .

    “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay.”

    He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The communists still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”

    Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet communists near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload in a
    Prius without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.”

    When American communists are caught they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where communists will be forced to drive American-made cars, drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races wearing t-shirts emblazoned with the Confederate flag.

    In recent days, communists have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
    stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the 1950′s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American communists, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history and sociology majors does one country need?”

    In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador Gary Doer and pledged that his administration would take steps to reassure American leftists. A source close to President Hussein Obama said, “We’re going to have
    some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts; and we might even put some endangered species on new postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out,” he said.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2011 3:23 PM GMT
    jprichva saidThis is the sort of thing that passes for humor on the right.
    Which is why there are no right-wing comedians.

    JP, I think your usual sense of humor has possibly taken the week-end off. It is hilarious.

    I have a policy of generally not mentioning an RJ member in a thread if he has not already participated in the thread, so I will just say I recall someone thinking about fleeing the US because something to the effect the brown shirts or jack booted thugs coming to round up all gays. I thought of him fleeing to Canada and going to live with a couple of Canadians who frequent the site. I could see him driving them nuts. Really funny.
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    Feb 19, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    jprichva saidThis is the sort of thing that passes for humor on the right.
    Which is why there are no right-wing comedians.


    and you are the reason there are so many clowns on the left?
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19128

    Feb 19, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    socalfitness said
    I have a policy of generally not mentioning an RJ member in a thread if he has not already participated in the thread, so I will just say I recall someone thinking about fleeing the US because something to the effect the brown shirts or jack booted thugs coming to round up all gays. I thought of him fleeing to Canada and going to live with a couple of Canadians who frequent the site. I could see him driving them nuts. Really funny.


    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_wink.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

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    Feb 19, 2011 4:15 PM GMT
    socal, jp and us have been friends for more than 2 years. We're good friends outside of RJ. We don't base friendship on something so shallow as politics.

    *moons socal and farts*

    OK, back to the story...so the lefties are sneaking in Canada now that they've discovered the secret tunnels that Conservatives have been using for decades to get free healthcare in Canada without paying a private insurer.

    "It's my money dammit! I ain't gonna pay no insurance company to prop up their profits when they're busy taking my contributions and using them on some asshole that had a stroke. It's not my fault he had a stroke." said
    I.T. Sallaboutme, when dragged from one such tunnel while attempting to sneak back into the US.

    He went on to state, "Hey, if it's good enough for Sarah, she got free Canadian healthcare, then it's good enough for me."

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    Feb 19, 2011 4:39 PM GMT
    meninlove said socal, jp and us have been friends for more than 2 years. We're good friends outside of RJ. We don't base friendship on something so shallow as politics.

    *moons socal and farts*

    OK, back to the story...so the lefties are sneaking in Canada now that they've discovered the secret tunnels that Conservatives have been using for decades to get free healthcare in Canada without paying a private insurer.

    "It's my money dammit! I ain't gonna pay no insurance company to prop up their profits when they're busy taking my contributions and using them on some asshole that had a stroke. It's not my fault he had a stroke." said
    I.T. Sallaboutme, when dragged from one such tunnel while attempting to sneak back into the US.

    He went on to state, "Hey, if it's good enough for Sarah, she got free Canadian healthcare, then it's good enough for me."

    I wasn't referring to JP as driving you nuts. But maybe JP could give you some lessons in Sense of Humor 101. As usual, you miss the point. At least I bet you would agree with Mrs. Brenda Bentheywaithe of the Mimico neighborhood of Toronto. hehe
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    Feb 19, 2011 4:52 PM GMT
    rofl, I have an excellent sense of humour, and find this topic hilarious. I think perhaps you only get obvious cartoon type humour.

    jp and us two are on very different wave-lengths politically. icon_wink.gif

    As well, your betting choice tells me you'd lose all your money in Vegas. icon_lol.gif

    icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 19, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    jprichva saidThis is the sort of thing that passes for humor on the right.
    Which is why there are no right-wing comedians.


    Yup. Dennis Miller (conservative) was sort of funny back when Rick Overton (liberal) used to right his jokes.

    Are there any conservative comedians? I can't think of any.
  • musclmed

    Posts: 3274

    Feb 19, 2011 5:23 PM GMT
    jprichva saidThis is the sort of thing that passes for humor on the right.
    Which is why there are no right-wing comedians.


    Jim Norton is definitely not left leaning. and hes on the tonight show often.