Something Light

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2011 5:53 PM GMT
    1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. LOL, remember "film"???

    2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

    3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

    4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

    6.I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

    7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

    8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

    9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

    10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

    11. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.

    12. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower."

    13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

    14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

    15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

    16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.

    17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

    18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

    19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.

    20. Just remember if it wasn't for gravity, we'd all fall off.

    21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

    22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

    23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

    24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.

    25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

    26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

    27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking.

    28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

    29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

    30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

    31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

    32. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

    33.I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

    34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

    35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

    36. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Thought for the Day

    Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
    Art Buchwald

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2011 6:20 PM GMT
    Funny, and thanks.

    1. People aren't laughing at you, they're laughing with... wait a minute, yes they are.
    2. Happiness can't buy money.
    3. The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.
    4. What if there were no hypothetical situations?
    5. As I said before, I never repeat myself.
    6. Forgive your enemies, but remember their names.
    7. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.
    8. Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defense.
    9. Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
    10. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
    11. Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.
    12. Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
    13. A clear conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.
    14. A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
    15. He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
    16. If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
    17. We learn from experience that people never learn anything from experience.
    18. There’s a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful man is one I notice. A charming man is one who notices me.
    19. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
    20. Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2011 8:32 PM GMT
    Thanks...I like yours too...but I must be really slow, cuz I don't understand number 14. .icon_redface.gif
    I wish I was clever enough to come up with some original lines like this...