Do you support or partially support your boyfriend?

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    Feb 19, 2011 7:37 PM GMT
    Should a relationship be a 50/50 deal?
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    Feb 19, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Alpha13 saidShould a relationship be a 50/50 deal?

    I find most my friends that have a 50/50 relationship are the happiest of the bunch.


    Is a 50 /50 deal too much to expect in a older younger relationship?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Feb 19, 2011 8:25 PM GMT
    he's the only man i confide in, now that my father has gone to heaven. icon_cool.gif
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    Feb 19, 2011 8:32 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidShould a relationship be a 50/50 deal?



    Not really. Though if it happens that way, great. Few relationships will have both parties making the same money, having the same skills, or the same temperament. The worst is when both parties start making tallies and arguing over that 50% line drawn in the sand.

    When I made more than Bill, I paid a greater share of rent or mortgage, portions of utilities etc. When our roles reversed financially, he took on the greater share of bill paying.
    I'm a rather crappy gardener; Bill is an excellent one. He does most of the gardening.
    Bill's a crappy electrician/plumber, I'm far far better at it, so I do most of the plumbing and electrical work around here.


    -Doug

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    Feb 19, 2011 9:28 PM GMT
    Do you mean emotionally or financially?

    Emotionally it should be 50/50. You're a partner, not a caregiver.
    In a great partnership your skills should complement each other. You may not be 50/50 at every single instant because one partner may be better equipped to handle one issue, and the other parter some other issue.

    Financially is a whole different issue. Couples need to come to their own agreement for what works best for them. I like when couples pay proportionally what they are able. The man with the higher income should not force his lower income boyfriend into debt, just because he paid for an expensive dinner yesterday and now it's the boyfriend's turn to treat.
    If you make less money than your boyfriend, you should not be a leech either. Treat him to something that's within your budget. Contribute to the relationship.
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    Feb 19, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    If by support you mean monetary, then we're about 50/50, or maybe 60/40. We never even check the books. We are DOMESTIC partners, not BUSINESS partners, and more importantly, lovers. Neither of us would ever ask for an accounting. I'm content with the arrangement.

    I buy the big stuff, pay for the vacations, and take care of most of the monthly utility bills & insurance. He covers other stuff, like monthly condo maintenance, property taxes, buys his own gas for his car, and pays most of the time when we go out to eat or drink (which is often, like prolly tonight with friends).

    All he spends on us adds up, too. But he likes to be seen as being the person who takes the tab when we go out, even if sometimes I have to transfer some money online to his account before we walk out the door. But that suits me, too, since I detest the hassle of paying at the table, why I've said before I arrange for prix fixe whenever possible, and it's going to be my treat.

    And not just with this guy. I did exactly the same thing with my late partner before him. Or actually, my pattern was to give him several thousand dollars each month, and tell him to take care of everything. I HATE dealing with money. I still bought the big-ticket items, as I do now, but he took care of everything else, using his own money, as well. And that was very close to 50/50.

    And so I would rather say, my partner & I support each other. And in more ways than money.
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    Feb 20, 2011 12:04 AM GMT
    I think it would be nearly impossible to be 50/50 financially in a relationship with a large age difference. I guess it all depends on how much it bothers you and how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
    Like Bill and Doug my relationship has changed over time where one makes more than the other and back again; one picks up the slack when the other can't or doesn't have time.

    There is something so nice; having your clothes ironed and ready for you...

    I remember when my mother started making more than my dad...it really pissed him off and he did nothing to help her around the house. It was up to us kids--a different time...maybe?
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    Feb 20, 2011 12:08 AM GMT
    I realized I was in love when I watched how carefully my partner folded my clothes after they were washed. Those little home things are nice.
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    Feb 20, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Alpha13 said
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Alpha13 saidShould a relationship be a 50/50 deal?

    I find most my friends that have a 50/50 relationship are the happiest of the bunch.


    Is a 50 /50 deal too much to expect in a older younger relationship?

    I think a lot of that has to do with what you call 50/50....
    If you're a Dr. or Lawyer and rent a lavish pad and say I was to move in, it may be tough to meet the rental if you are in a
    3K sq, ft high rise. But if you are paying average rent or mortgage for your city then 50/50 should be very doable unless he looses his job. That's usually when the problems start.
    Besides,, sometimes the younger guy not only catches up,, but starts making better money than his older BF.


    He doesnot pay any rent. I think he was living at home before he met me so he does not seem to understand that houses don't clean themselves etc. I don't want to be running a hotel here. I don't know if it's my job to teach him or I should just dump him and find someone that knows how to support himself. But it seems the dating pool is all about broken types so he may be the best I can do
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    Feb 22, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    I'm in a older - younger relationship, my partner is ten years older. We make close to the same about with a 10,000 different or so....

    He owns a house, car, and a great life. I rent, pay down debt and loans, however, we never check the books and support each other. He pays for some events and dinners, and I pay for others.

    We support each others as partners and lovers. If you have any questions, we are all here.


    mike
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    Feb 22, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    He doesnot pay any rent. I think he was living at home before he met me so he does not seem to understand that houses don't clean themselves etc. I don't want to be running a hotel here. I don't know if it's my job to teach him or I should just dump him and find someone that knows how to support himself. But it seems the dating pool is all about broken types so he may be the best I can do
    If you're calling him the best you can do then clearly he shouldn't be living with you, much less dating you.
    You shouldn't date someone who feels like a burden.
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    Feb 22, 2011 3:53 AM GMT
    My boyfriend and I try to be as even as possible, but not to the point where it causes problems. If I pay for one weekend out, he'll get the next.

    Or, we usually just end up buying each other rounds.

    I do tend to cook for him more, but that's because he's still learning how and doesn't have much time between school, practice, and his gigs.

    Even though I work on computers for a living, he tends to handle all of the electronics. The last thing I want to do after building laptops is fix my computer icon_smile.gif.

    I'd suggest talking to your boyfriend... you mentioned something about him not cleaning? Is that the real problem here? Maybe you two could set a day each week where you work together to get the house clean?
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Feb 22, 2011 4:01 AM GMT
    It depends on the relationship. Some people like to give more that 50 percent as long as both parties are happy with what is going on in the relationship then there shouldn't be a problem.
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    Feb 22, 2011 4:02 AM GMT
    I saw a show with Paris Hilton on it and they asked her about people 'leaching' off of her and her money. They brought up the concept of who pays when she goes out to dinner with friends who might have less. She said she doesn't mind paying at all, and in fact loves treating people, but finds it to be a complete turn off when people push the bill at her ASSUMING that she will just pay it. She said there is a way to handle yourself in that situation and some people get it and some just don't. She also said that if she treats to something expensive, like a lavish dinner, she doesn't expect the other person to treat her to a fancy dinner just because she did. She said you can treat me to something simple like ice cream or something within your budget to show your appreciation. Whether you like her or hate her, she made some very valid, and good points.