Stephen109 saidI just got back from a pretty bad date, but the quality of the date is not what is in question. What is is it bad to have certain qualities in mind for a guy you want to date and then when you go out on a date with someone, totally dismiss them because they don't live up to what you want? (I hope that's not too confusing, it makes perfect sense in my head).
Maybe an example?
A characteristic I'm looking for is masculinity - I want a man who is manly, period. So is it bad for me to dismiss someone who is feminine, even if they are barely feminine? I mean, he was a perfectly cool guy...he just..idk.
If you understand where I'm coming for and/or have input, please feel free.
I'm missing something here... was it a "bad" date because the conversation was terrible, or because he came off as a self-absorbed jerk? Or was it a bad date because he didn't conform to your pre-conceived notions of what your Mr. Right will be? Since you described him as a "perfectly cool guy", I'm assuming it was the latter.
Look, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here--you sound like a nice kid (yes, at 19 you're still a kid). When I was your age, I wouldn't go near any guy who was the slightest bit effeminate. It had a lot to do with my own internalized homophobia. I knew I was gay, but I wanted desperately to be normal and accepted, so I resented people who were flamboyantly gay, because somehow it reflected on me and reminded me that, at the end of the day, I really was different. In hindsight, though, all it did was cause me to waste what should have been some of the best years of my life--in college, my prejudice in this regard pretty much cut me off from making some lifelong gay friends and from having relationships.
In order to find happiness in life, you're going to have to take risks and make some compromises, and that means confronting your own preconceived notions about what's attractive and what's not. That's not at all the same as having standards and keeping to them--I'm not saying you have to date people you find completely unattractive, or boring, or jerks. It's more about giving yourself some room to see whether, after a couple more dates and some more conversation and laughs, the guy's "barely feminine" qualities might not fade into the background...