Have you ever denied being gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2011 7:23 AM GMT
    Ok...i feel shitty. I went to a dinner party tonight and was having a great time, when one of the guests came up to me (while I was talking with a bunch of people), and asked

    "My friend wants to know if you're gay?"

    I don't know what got to me but I said "No." Maybe because this was a formal dinner at the house of my school's dean or whatever. I don't want to make excuses but I don't know what just happened.

    He goes "Oh! I thought you were. Sorry bud, I thought I could introduce my friend to you."

    I feel so shitty really. I didn't think I was still insecure about my sexuality. And now I feel disgusted with the idea that I might still be a little embarrassed about a part of my identity

    And now I feel like I've undone all the hard work of coming to terms with who I am. This sucks.

    Do you still find yourself denying the fact that you're gay in certain situations? And if you don't, what did you do to overcome it?
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    Feb 20, 2011 7:30 AM GMT
    Nope. Never have and I never will. While I acknowledge that there are places are the world where acknowledgment will get you killed, the truth is always better. I have never found myself in a position where I have had to lie about it. Some folks have been shocked, others not so much. Just know your surroundings and pick your battles.
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    Feb 20, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    I think it was a lil inappropriate to be asked about your sexuality and can see why your defenses blurted out "NO" You were caught off guard, I don't think you need to worry about anything. Next time, I'm sure you'll handle the situation if presented again, differently.
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    Feb 20, 2011 8:19 AM GMT
    I have denied it before. It was a couple years ago, and it was an impromptu question like you were presented. It happened so quickly, that I just said no to get them off my back. I was out to everyone at the time, so it bothered me I denied it so easily. I was still pretty insecure about being gay at the time, so I think it was a subconscious thing. I def wouldn't deny it now.
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    Feb 20, 2011 8:25 AM GMT
    he had to ask?
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    Feb 20, 2011 8:46 AM GMT
    I denied it a couple days ago just to fuck with some dude's head.
    Then yesterday I casually spoke of a couple guys I've been with during a conversation.
    His jaw dropped and his eyes bugged out.
    It was fucking hilarious. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 20, 2011 12:34 PM GMT
    noren saidhe had to ask?


    LMAO like crazy! Be that as it may, the proof is usually in the pudding, and there are some gay guys that are so obviously gay that even Stevie Wonder could detect it. If you belong in that category, there's no sense in denying it. Who are you kidding? If you belong in the "ambiguous" or "totally straight looking" category, I'm not sure if it's worth the effort denying your sexual identity either. I think that's an individual decision. I've never been asked if I am gay, but I've decided in the past year or so that I wouldn't lie about it if asked. I'd like a stranger to ask me that question, however, so I can test my mettle and resolve.
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    Feb 20, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    I've been in a similar situation twice and it caught me off guard to. Both times I said no icon_redface.gif.
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    Feb 20, 2011 3:10 PM GMT
    oh, what tangled webs we weave, when at first we practice to deceive.....icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 20, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    Nope...never been in a situation where I had to deny, by way of fear, choice, or being caught off guard...

    dont beat yourself up over it, though...just look at this as the catalyst for you to never be caught off guard by that question again, remember this moment...and next time you'll answer with a proud, "Yes".
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 20, 2011 3:22 PM GMT
    I wouldn't worry about it, but learn from the experience... and you are.
    If you aren't comfortable with saying "yeah I am", why not? Work through it and know what you might say next time. I'm not of the mind you need say "yes" anytime someone asks you (what business is it of theirs in some cases), but I wouldn't say "no". Don't feel shitty, just learn from it!

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • ChicagoCarl

    Posts: 163

    Feb 20, 2011 3:26 PM GMT
    Like some other posters have stated I have also never been in a situation where my well being was in danger. I would like to think I would be true to myself, but then again my safety is important.

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    Feb 20, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    when i was in middle school
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    Feb 20, 2011 3:30 PM GMT
    I have a million times icon_redface.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Feb 20, 2011 3:32 PM GMT
    Back in 1999, I denied it when a fellow rugby buddy's wife bluntly asked me in front of the whole team, and we're all in the Army (DADT). I felt legally compelled to protect myself. She had been trying to set me up with her sister, who had a string of bad relationships. Her sister is really cool and attractive, but I had just come out to myself about a year-and-half earlier. It was unchartered territory for me. She wasn't trying to be spiteful or anything. She was just stumped as to why I would repeatedly turn down going on a date with her sister.

    Thank you Democrats for voting overwhelmingly to repeal a policy that puts me in that awkward situation.
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    Feb 20, 2011 3:33 PM GMT
    Now, no and would not.
    In the past mostly to myself and the first time my mother asked.
    Cut yourself some slack. I found the more I denied it the harder it became to deny.
    The denial building up till it can no longer be managed and must be set free.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Feb 20, 2011 3:38 PM GMT
    Not since coming out nearly 30 years ago, but before that I was a walking "Lie Factory" if anyone so much as hinted that I might be gay. I'm sure that denial of ones own homosexuality is pretty common during the years that we are trying to come to terms with the reality of it.
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    Feb 20, 2011 3:54 PM GMT
    Only to people who don't have the balls to come out and ask me. And then it's never a complete denial. I just try to skirt the issue. Hate when people do that, they tiptoe around asking you...
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    Feb 20, 2011 4:05 PM GMT
    yup ... when i was very young...

    but nobody believed me :-)))
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    Not since I've been out... before then, all the time.
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    Feb 20, 2011 9:38 PM GMT
    Once.

    I was in Iran in a car with 3 other men driving through the desert and somehow the subject came up. I kept my mouth shut. Seems like devout Muslims believe homosexuality is punishable by beheading. YIKES
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    Feb 20, 2011 9:59 PM GMT
    I honestly can't think of a time in my life when I actually denied or lied about it...but, in the OP's situation, I think it's abominable that someone would even bring up the subject at a formal dinner party.
    After recovering from having my jaw drop... I might have responded by saying:
    "Why? Are you interested in me?" .icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 20, 2011 10:06 PM GMT
    You should've turned to her and asked,"why,you wanna fuck?" I can guarantee it would make her feel as awkward as she should have, and she would probably never be that rude again
  • johnmaverick

    Posts: 2

    Feb 20, 2011 10:08 PM GMT
    Ya, I think there are definitely times when it's appropriate to deny it. You have to do what's right for you and there's no point in making a scene in front of people in that type of situation that you were in. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 20, 2011 10:10 PM GMT
    Have you ever denied being gay?

    Nope never. Not knowingly, though too long in self-denial, honestly believing I was straight for a good part of my life. I denied being gay to nobody else but to myself.

    Except once, after I had come out, when I should have denied it. I've told the story here before.

    Right after 9/11 I went to donate blood, and the screener asked me if I was gay. I answered yes. I'm now banned for life in the US from ever donating blood. Despite having donated blood many times before, even organized blood drives, having a rare blood type, and remaining totally STD-free to this day.

    There may be times we SHOULD lie, just to beat those bastards. I follow a military principle: use every weapon at your disposal to counter & defeat your opponent. And one weapon is deception. It's actually one of the Nine Principles of War I used to teach.

    I feel no remorse about lying to the bad guys, especially for a good cause. The test in the military is always: at the end of the day, did you win or did you lose? I rarely lose.