Sleeping over

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2011 4:30 PM GMT
    What does sleeping over signal to you in a relationship? Does it mean you want a deeper relationship? Or can you have a hook-up that includes sleeping over?

    When is it too early to ask someone to spend the night and sleep over at your place?

    (This all assumes that the person who sleeps over is courteous, clean and not making any unannounced visits.)
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    Feb 20, 2011 5:44 PM GMT
    Depends on the situation in which you met....one nigth stand, sure you can ask but does not mean anything if they say yes.

    If you are in a relationship means they trust you and enjoy spending the time with you, so sign that they want something deeper but maybe not totally ready to take the next step.

    Too soon is something you have to gauge for yourself, usually if you are asking to spend the night it b/c you are naked and in their bed...aka you been having sex, so its more then friends if this has been happening multiple times. If they say no, let it drop and ask again after awhile.

    Of course you could alway have a good relationship where you can easily talk with the other guy about these things and together decied when you are ready.
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    Feb 20, 2011 6:01 PM GMT
    Doesn't really mean anything here. I'm sorta far out in the boonies. It's sort of normal for visitors to sleep over, instead of driving several hours in the middle of the night to get home. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to have sex with them. The inverse is true when I'm with friends in the city.

    I've met a few guys who live in the city and seem to plan on two to four separate hook-ups on a Saturday night. They're always in haste to bundle one out the door and dial up the next one. The idea that such a thing is even possible is a little exciting, but it seems very strange to see it.

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    Feb 20, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    marcobruno1978 saidWhat does sleeping over signal to you in a relationship? Does it mean you want a deeper relationshp? Or can you have a hook-up that includes sleeping over?

    When is it too early to ask someone to spend the night and sleep over at your place?

    (This all assumes that the person who sleeps over is courteous, clean and not making any unannounced visits.)


    It means different things to different people. To me, it means wanting a deeper relationship. It feels so nice to hold someone you care about to sleep and waking up next to them.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Feb 20, 2011 6:18 PM GMT
    I understand sleeping over implies sex, but it doesn't always mean that. The seemingly simple act of having someone sleep next to you is a very vulnerable experience. While sleeping and immediately waking up we are not the most flattering and you're letting your partner see that. It's sign of trust and a new level of intimacy.

    On the other hand, an invitation to sleep over has no explicit meaning. I've known some guys want to 'blow and go' but for some silly sense of propriety can't just come out and say what they want, so instead they use 'sleeping over' as a way to ease their self-imposed ignominy. Also, people get lonely and they just hunger for that intimate connection... however brief it might be. Loneliness brings up a lot of insecurities and sleeping over satiates lust and quiets self-doubt. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel desired... not just physically, but also emotionally? For that one night, you get a piece of a relationship, a piece of happiness.

    But as you said 'relationship' I'm going to go with 'deeper relationship' as my final answer.
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    Feb 20, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    it means cuddle time. yay!
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Feb 20, 2011 8:24 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidit means cuddle time. yay!


    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    Sleepovers mean one thing and one thing only
    Guy+pillow+fight.jpg
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 20, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    In the early days of our relationship, my bf would drive down (he lives in another city), we have our date and the etc... and he would drive home, sometimes at 1:00 a.m. He never stayed overnight the first year at all.
    As weird as this sounds, it never occurred to me to have him sleep over.
    We subsequently have talked about it... the poor guy, after 4 hours of sex and I sent him home. Definitely not good....icon_sad.gif
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Feb 20, 2011 8:42 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidIn the early days of our relationship, my bf would drive down (he lives in another city), we have our date and the etc... and he would drive home, sometimes at 1:00 a.m. He never stayed overnight the first year at all.
    As weird as this sounds, it never occurred to me to have him sleep over.
    We subsequently have talked about it... the poor guy, after 4 hours of sex and I sent him home. Definitely not good....icon_sad.gif


    4 hours?
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    Feb 20, 2011 8:47 PM GMT
    marcobruno1978 saidWhat does sleeping over signal to you in a relationship?

    It may signal nothing, other than it was late and more practical to sleep over.

    Still, it's a bonding experience. The proof is in the waking, not in the sleeping.

    I always made sure the waking experience, at least at my place, was lovely. I invariably wake first, would serve him coffee in bed, and breakfast at the kitchen nook. As my guest and lover, treated as a King.

    What do YOU want to make of this, if you've had your own sleep-over? It can be a beginning, or just a late & sleepy trick.

    But as I said, sleeping together can be a very bonding thing. And also revealing, at least to me.

    I have what I call the "sleep test." After the sex is done, and it's time to sleep, I look at this guy lying next to me. And I know instantly: either I'm comfortable with him, or I'm not. I have no checklist, no criteria. It's something I just FEEL in my gut, like it's instinctive. And I always go with my instincts.

    I always say go with the flow, without preconceived notions. Listen to your inner self, that will tell you what is right, or wrong, and what to do. I know mine always does. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 20, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said after 4 hours of sex and I sent him home. Definitely not good....icon_sad.gif
    Men can be pigs sometimes [LOL]
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    Feb 20, 2011 11:42 PM GMT
    It means I wanna FUCK, CUDDLE afterwards and possibly wake up in the middle of the night or an hour and a half before wrk and get a good moring wake up call, w/out you leaving.
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    Feb 21, 2011 5:40 PM GMT
    Sleeping over at my place in my bed means "I want to marry you eventually." Sleeping over at my place in the guest bedroom or in the couch in the den means "Be ready to get fucked again in the morning when I wake up, and then you're going home." Seriously, though, I VERY rarely, if ever, let someone sleep over unless I'm genuinely and seriously interested in the dude.
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    Feb 21, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    See, this is one thing about the gay world, that's always puzzled me. It's perfectly fine to have sex with a total stranger, actually allow them inside your body or vice versa.... but heaven forbid they sleep over. Now THAT would be crossing the line!

    What's up with this nonsense? It seems only natural that if you have sex together, the least you can do is lie in the same bed until the morning. You didn't exchange vows or wedding bands. It's just common courtesy.
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    Feb 21, 2011 6:17 PM GMT
    SeaSon saidSee, this is one thing about the gay world, that's always puzzled me. It's perfectly fine to have sex with a total stranger, actually allow them inside your body or vice versa.... but heaven forbid they sleep over. Now THAT would be crossing the line!

    What's up with this nonsense? It seems only natural that if you have sex together, the least you can do is lie in the same bed until the morning. You didn't exchange vows or wedding bands. It's just common courtesy.


    I'm going to marry you, and you can sleep over!
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    Feb 22, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    SeaSon saidSee, this is one thing about the gay world, that's always puzzled me. It's perfectly fine to have sex with a total stranger, actually allow them inside your body or vice versa.... but heaven forbid they sleep over. Now THAT would be crossing the line!

    What's up with this nonsense? It seems only natural that if you have sex together, the least you can do is lie in the same bed until the morning. You didn't exchange vows or wedding bands. It's just common courtesy.


    I agree. It seems to be an inconsistent notion. If you're willing to invite someone over for sex, it should be a courteous gesture to extend an invitation to sleep over at least until early morning unless you find the person in your bed repulsive (in which case you should have never invited them over).

    Does wanting to sleepover make one "clingy" or needy? What if you simply feel comfortable and logic dictates that you need your rest before heading back home?
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Feb 22, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    nabob7729 said
    HndsmKansan said after 4 hours of sex and I sent him home. Definitely not good....icon_sad.gif
    Men can be pigs sometimes [LOL]


    Yes, but he's changed his ways, this was before his first MOTD was awarded, so it's all good. Kinda' like smoking but not inhaling...a non issue now.icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2011 9:43 AM GMT
    Sleeping over means that he's sleeping over. Nothing more unless you say it means something.

    You can have a hook-up that sleeps over. I know I have.
    If you are a hook-up that's sleeping over, you have one rule to follow. In the morning you are either going for round 2 (or 3 or 4...) and then it's time to wash up and get out.
  • Brando

    Posts: 161

    Feb 22, 2011 11:10 AM GMT
    HA! I just met a guy for the first time the other night. We went to dinner, chilled at his work for the entire shift, went to a party afterwards, and ended up sleeping in his bed with him for the night.

    I don't think there is such a thing as too early to sleep over.
    If you two get along well, anything is possible on the first date.
    ... and even more so on a second ;^)

  • nubScotty

    Posts: 282

    Feb 23, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    Met a guy a little over a week ago, and I've spent the night twice (fri/sat), no sex(oral doesn't count right icon_rolleyes.gif ) but we fooled around and cuddled. To me it just means I am comfortable enough with him to spend the night, and actually plan to see him again this week icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 24, 2011 6:03 PM GMT
    Could mean anything. I've had guys that I was not attracted to sexually try to pull the "oh wow, look at the time, the subway has stopped running...can I stay over?" to guys who I've seen a few times who are interested in staying over to get closer after a nice night of chilling.

    And then there are times when guys say they're coming into Toronto for the night, knowing that they're basically telling me that they want to stay over with me and cook me breakfast in the morning.