agri_sci saidHer beef is that "You are a straight guy trapped in a gay experience..." she kinda wanted me to be....more conventional
That's an interesting comment by her. Parents often want their sons to be more conventional (aka straight). So do you think she still holds out hope that you are really straight, just going through a "phase" or this "gay experience" concept?
I learned, much later after the fact, that my parents knew I was gay by the time I was 13. Had me put through hypnosis therapy in 1962, that I remember, and did other things to "cure" me. These treatments didn't cure me, but may partially account for my delayed realization of my orientation.
So OK, I voluntarily enlisted in the US Army during Vietnam, and my parents were terrified. Not that the Vietcong would kill me, but that my fellow soldiers would because of my being gay, as my sister later told me.
By my mid-twenties I had an Officers commission, and took some time away from the Army to get a college degree, without which I had no future career as an Officer (I was rare in having been commissioned as only a HS graduate, but I was a Holy Terror in those days, a tough l'il fucker).
And I'm in college living at my family home, and at 26, with my mother nagging me every day about "meeting a nice girl" I start dating. First date in my life, at 26, didn't even have one in high school. We got married when I was 29.
And my sister tells me my parents were all upset, though wouldn't tell me. They thought the marriage ill-advised, that I couldn't ever be a straight husband. And they were right.
So why the Hell didn't they tell me? On the one hand telling me to meet a "nice girl" and then afraid of the consequences? The old idea that a good woman would "cure" me. All it did was make us both unhappy. And then I went on and made the same mistake 3 years later.
I hope your own mother doesn't hold that notion. We are best & happiest being who we really are, not who others want us to be. Don't lose sight of that, OK?