If only i could have second chance...............

  • shadow9667

    Posts: 19

    Feb 22, 2011 1:29 AM GMT
    Today, during my flight from SF to MN, a decent looking guy sit beside me. Throughout the flight i notice he keep peek at me and when i give eye contact back to him, he just give me a great smile. Not manage to start a conversation with him because he was on movie most of the time. 20 minutes before landing i manage to chat with him and found out that he still single after moving to SF for 21 years. Although we did not start any sensitive topic but the conversation feel very warm and intimate. After land i feel kind of reluctant to see him go (and i think he feel the same) but both of us have serious business related stuff to attend. In the end i only know his name was John and on his way to St Louis and will fly to LA on Wed. Deep in my heart i know i will not have chance to meet him again but now i was so regret that i did not ask for his contact so i can at least keep in touch with him. Every time i think of this, it give me so much pain and i keep blaming myself for not have the courage to tell him how i feel.

    Sorry for my long post because i don't know to whom should i tell because i still in the closet. For all RJ member, please don't repeat the same silly mistake that i do. It better to drop hard(if you misinterpret the signal) than to have big regret like me now.
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    Feb 22, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    Good lesson. Next time, go for it!

    Carpe Diem!
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    Feb 22, 2011 4:16 AM GMT
    You could have asked for a business card. You don't have to immediately move forward with your romantic machinations. You could have just kept it simple and asked for a business card to later follow up via email or LinkedIn (Tripit can alert you about his travel schedule). At that time, you could have asked to meet up again for a drink when both of you happen to be in the same city. At that point, you could have explored the situation further and performed your due diligence.
  • timmytwister

    Posts: 169

    Feb 22, 2011 6:12 AM GMT
    At most, it would have been a hookup. From the tone of your post, you would have liked more anyway. Finding the man of your dreams on a plane just doesn't happen. Don't beat yourself up.. you enjoyed a pleasant conversation and some subtle flirting.. smile, and move on.icon_smile.gif

    BTW, why aren't you out?
  • shadow9667

    Posts: 19

    Feb 22, 2011 6:54 AM GMT
    timmytwister saidAt most, it would have been a hookup. From the tone of your post, you would have liked more anyway. Finding the man of your dreams on a plane just doesn't happen. Don't beat yourself up.. you enjoyed a pleasant conversation and some subtle flirting.. smile, and move on.icon_smile.gif

    BTW, why aren't you out?


    Because i live in a society where being gay is not acceptable and any gay practice are not legal icon_sad.gif
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    Feb 22, 2011 7:09 AM GMT
    timmytwister saidAt most, it would have been a hookup. From the tone of your post, you would have liked more anyway. Finding the man of your dreams on a plane just doesn't happen. Don't beat yourself up.. you enjoyed a pleasant conversation and some subtle flirting.. smile, and move on.icon_smile.gif

    BTW, why aren't you out?
    I'm as much a realist as the next, but that's just pessimistic thinking.
    You could meet a to-be partner in any place, at any time.

    I met a great guy who I dated for a couple of months on the subway of all places. The looks and the smiling were happening, I gestured to the seat beside me and he sat down, we talked for about 5 minutes because his stop was only a couple of stops away, but I asked for his number and texted him later that evening. Things ended because he's moving to Newfoundland for his career, but dating him taught me a couple of things about myself that will help me out in future relationships.

    edit: I just remembered that he's planning on moving back to Toronto in a year or two, and I told him to stay in touch and let me know when he's back because I would be interested in seeing him again.
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    Feb 22, 2011 7:10 AM GMT
    That happened to me too once on a long bus ride from NYC to Boston. I still wonder til this day what might've happened if...

    Bottom line, always exchange business cards!!
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    Feb 22, 2011 7:12 AM GMT
    Yea I know what you mean. I kninda messed up too and I wish that I had taken the moment, then everything would've changed. Le sigh icon_sad.gif
  • timmytwister

    Posts: 169

    Feb 22, 2011 7:57 AM GMT
    AndrewDavidAlexander saidI'm as much a realist as the next, but that's just pessimistic thinking.
    You could meet a to-be partner in any place, at any time.

    I met a great guy who I dated for a couple of months on the subway of all places. The looks and the smiling were happening, I gestured to the seat beside me and he sat down, we talked for about 5 minutes because his stop was only a couple of stops away, but I asked for his number and texted him later that evening. Things ended because he's moving to Newfoundland for his career, but dating him taught me a couple of things about myself that will help me out in future relationships.


    I'm glad u met a great guy because of a random meeting.. but to hang one's hopes on such a thing working out.. that's like believing in romance novels. My point was that in particular, anyone you meet on a PLANE is a real long shot since there is probably a big geographic gap between the 2 of you.
    I try to enjoy my experiences with friends, BF's, co-workers, etc, for as long as they last, without expectations, whether its for days or decades. But nothing lasts forever. Smile, and move on.

    shadow 9667 saidBecause i live in a society where being gay is not acceptable and any gay practice are not legal

    I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes we forget how lucky we are in North America. I think you'll find RJ a real source of encouragement and support. Take care.
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    Feb 22, 2011 8:10 AM GMT
    timmytwister saidAt most, it would have been a hookup. From the tone of your post, you would have liked more anyway. Finding the man of your dreams on a plane just doesn't happen. Don't beat yourself up.. you enjoyed a pleasant conversation and some subtle flirting.. smile, and move on.icon_smile.gif

    BTW, why aren't you out?


    "timmytwister" I have several things for you,

    1st: It is very rude for you to judge the character of this man by assuming that he would even hook up with him after just meeting. Just because a man is gay does not automatically mean he can not be in a relationship with someone. That fallacy is what is conducive from your foremost comment.

    2nd: For you to make the generalization about all men on all planes is a fallacy. You have no data to support that extreme conclusion, so for you to make that statement and then tell someone to just "move on" is unmerited. If you have nothing encouraging to add to this thread, then kindly refrain from commenting. The truth is you can find the man of your dreams ANYWHERE (plane, train, school, etc.).

    3rd: We are not yet in a time where everyone can be completely open. Please do not create a complex against people who are gay and have not come out on the same level you feel is right for them.

    Now, never give up hope Shadow. Possibilities are endless, and at the VERY least take this as a learning experience about how to handle the future encounters (yes, there WILL be many others).

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    Feb 22, 2011 8:17 AM GMT
    timmytwister saidI'm glad u met a great guy because of a random meeting.. but to hang one's hopes on such a thing working out.. that's like believing in romance novels. My point was that in particular, anyone you meet on a PLANE is a real long shot since there is probably a big geographic gap between the 2 of you.
    I try to enjoy my experiences with friends, BF's, co-workers, etc, for as long as they last, without expectations, whether its for days or decades. But nothing lasts forever. Smile, and move on.
    Or the guy on the plane could live down the street from him, you never know.
    I've used public transit when visiting other places such as London, NYC, and Washington DC, so for all I know my guy could have been a tourist. (he even had a strong accent because he's from Brazil and has only lived here for a couple of years)
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    Feb 22, 2011 9:51 AM GMT
    Don't beat yourself up about this. there is a reason he has been single for 21 years in SF.
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    Feb 22, 2011 6:34 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidDon't beat yourself up about this. there is a reason he has been single for 21 years in SF.


    This is interesting and worth considering. Someone staying single for so long may just prefer that life.

    On the other hand - in your situation - just remember next time: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Go for it when you get those opportunities. Don't let your initial shyness or fear take hold. Take a breath and go forward.

    icon_cool.gif
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    Feb 22, 2011 6:51 PM GMT
    I agree--seize the day! There should be no room for mea culpas!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 22, 2011 7:00 PM GMT
    aawwwh man i sorry that you missed on a possible great opportunity. if i were you i would post a ad on craigslist or a city paper in his town. give a brief description of what happen and see if he responds. i mean what do you have to lose
  • shadow9667

    Posts: 19

    Feb 23, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    Thanks all for the respond. It feel much better after share out my frustration. I think only time can help me move forward but still it will be one of the thing i regret in life.
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    Feb 23, 2011 12:59 AM GMT
    shadow9667 said
    timmytwister saidAt most, it would have been a hookup. From the tone of your post, you would have liked more anyway. Finding the man of your dreams on a plane just doesn't happen. Don't beat yourself up.. you enjoyed a pleasant conversation and some subtle flirting.. smile, and move on.icon_smile.gif

    BTW, why aren't you out?


    Because i live in a society where being gay is not acceptable and any gay practice are not legal icon_sad.gif


    Its your life. You can keep living by the rules and constraints of society. OR make your own rules. Just remember, you miss 100% of the shots you never take.
  • timmytwister

    Posts: 169

    Feb 23, 2011 7:08 AM GMT
    TheChupacabra said"timmytwister" I have several things for you,

    1st: It is very rude for you to judge the character of this man by assuming that he would even hook up with him after just meeting. Just because a man is gay does not automatically mean he can not be in a relationship with someone. That fallacy is what is conducive from your foremost comment.

    2nd: For you to make the generalization about all men on all planes is a fallacy. You have no data to support that extreme conclusion, so for you to make that statement and then tell someone to just "move on" is unmerited. If you have nothing encouraging to add to this thread, then kindly refrain from commenting. The truth is you can find the man of your dreams ANYWHERE (plane, train, school, etc.).

    3rd: We are not yet in a time where everyone can be completely open. Please do not create a complex against people who are gay and have not come out on the same level you feel is right for them.


    Thanks for your comments! However, I had hit the sack so I didn't see your post until now.
    I'm sorry you were so offended by what I said, but I think your outrage was an overreaction.

    (your) 1st:
    I don't judge the character of a person who would "hook up after just meeting." That's evidently YOUR judgement, not mine. I don't devalue people who "hook up"; and that wasn't my point at all. My point was that it is unrealistic to think any kind of LTR is going to happen from a chance meeting of a fellow airline traveller. Certainly not impossible, but highly unlikely.
    You also commented "just because a man is gay does not automatically mean he can not be in a relationship with someone." I agree completely, and I never suggested otherwise.

    (your) 2nd:
    "For you to make the generalization about all men on all planes is a fallacy." Again, that sounds like you think I was JUDGING airline travellers. I was not. But the mathematical reality is that 2 random passengers are highly unlikely to live in the same geographic area; making a LTR simply unrealistic.
    You also commented that telling someone to "move on" is unmerited. I wasn't ORDERING anyone to do anything. Advice is just that... advice. If someone is in the market for a serious relationship (which seems to be the case with shadow9667) I happen to feel it's more pragmatic to focus on finding a guy who is close to home and shares one's values, rather than dreaming of running into Prince Charming in the friendly skies icon_wink.gif But after all, I'm not offended if someone chooses to not take my advice - I don't always take the advice of others, myself!

    I see you're quite new to RJ.. welcome! But if you think my comments were offensive, you're in for a rude awakening! I am a meek kitten compared to many RJ members, who truly have a "take-no-prisoners" approach... God bless their brutal little hearts!!

    (your) 3rd: "Please do not create a complex against people who are gay and have not come out". That's the trouble with internet conversations: TONE is eradicated. It seems like you are assuming I was accusing the OP of being a shameful closet-case. Again, not at all; I was just curious to know a little background about him. I know full well the danger some people can face for being out, particularly in some parts of the world. I've been a victim of homophobia and marginalization, like many gays. Ever had your face shoved into a chain-link fence? I have. It's not fun.
    And as you may have noticed, after the OP stated that in his society being gay is unacceptable, I offered this thought:
    "I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes we forget how lucky we are in North America. I think you'll find RJ a real source of encouragement and support. Take care."

    So, again, Chupacabra, welcome to RJ.. and I'm sorry if you think I was cruel to "shadow9667". I wish him the best, as I do for you. Sometimes we project ourselves in what we hear or read... since you saw my comments as judgemental, maybe you've had to deal with being attacked by judgemental people. I hope that's not the case - there's enough hate in the world.
    Peace,
    Timmy