A part of the Love Letter i wrote in Iraq2011, I thought I was loved and was willing to give All for and take the Jump for.. Glad i Didn't but glad had the Balls to Give my Heart to someone.

  • Giovannii

    Posts: 5

    Feb 25, 2011 11:39 PM GMT
    The Letter of my Heart
    As you read this I am preparing or am traveling farther away from you. And I want you to know that with every step and breath I take from you my heart feels like it is being torn apart causing it to bleed the love I
    Have for you with each moment that passes. I am engulfed in this flood of pain and I am tossed around in it and I am fighting to catch a breath. I feel like falling to my knees as the pain pours out from this wound our love made in my heart and soul. I know that I love you by the way it hurts me so much. I am tortured by the fire that once burned so strongly with our passion, love, happiness, joy, and belonging I feel when we are together. Now it seems to have turned against my heart and soul burning me from the inside with every moment that I am away from you right now missing you so. My heart aches like it is wrapped in razor wire and with every beat of my heart it cuts me deeper and I bleed more love for you. The love that has built up in this time while we were together just like the tears that I hold back with every empty breath I force myself to take.

    When you found me, I thought I was beyond saving I was cold and disconnected to the love I had inside. I had turned away from it locked it away from all the pain it has caused me in the past. My world had lost it colors and excitement it was empty and lonely. I felt like I was a robot on autopilot and just use to and expecting the same thing every day with no emotion or love watching my life goes by like on a movie screen. Now it has colors, warmth, passion, desire, and purpose again and mostly love. I was excited to face each day and what tomorrow brings and I felt this cause I knew it held you in it. You hit me hard and cracked my heart that was built like a Dam. From that first hit a small crack formed starting a leak and soon it became a huge hole crumbling away at the dam a little more each day and more and more emotions and love came pouring through it out to you. I once again felt love in my life and the warmth that I had locked up inside. It has been untouched, unused for so long from being hurt and abused and alone, before you came into my life. Fields

    I miss your smile, your touch on my body, the way you make me laugh. I miss your eyes and the way they look at me with such care and love. Your eyes returned the feelings of my heart and soul and the simple desire of every person was found there. I miss your arms their warmth and the way you hold me close as we watched movies and slept together just sharing time together. I miss the comfort and the sense of belonging that your body gave mine. The way I felt we fit together as we became one soul and as our hearts beat together. I miss the way I lay on your chest and felt the rhythm of your breathing so deep and peaceful like the waves of the ocean on a deserted beach as you drifted off to sleep. The sound of your heart beating is calming like the way a mother’s voice calms her child in a lullaby when they are woken by a nightmare in the dark alone. I miss your scent the way it stuck to me after we laid together at night or after you stayed with me for some time. That strong sweet empowering scent of you that is intoxicating to me. I would catch it on a warm breeze after lying with you and it reminded me of you back in your bed. The way you looked as I left so peaceful and beautiful as if frozen in time it was always hard to walk out the door. I was able to close my eyes in this moment and see you next to me and feel you close to me even when you were not. I hold these memories so dear to me and miss them with every breath I take and beat of my heart. I can only wish these moments to not be dreams when I am far away back in Germany on those cold dark nights all alone in a bed that feels so lonely and cold without you next to me. I miss the way you talk to me so softly and your voice how it speaks to my heart with such love. I wish only to have one more kiss from you to touch your face as we kiss. I wish to spend one more night together in peace and no distractions. I wish for one more day with you just to enjoy being near you.


    I think about the fact that I am not going to have you near me and I am not going to see you every night. I am not going to spend my days off with you near me to laugh with and to share stories of our days and just joke and enjoy each other. Or hang out at the pool and see you lying their so perfect and beautiful. This fact is a terrifying emptiness that I don’t want to face or for a long period of time. I can say that I don’t know where we go from here but I do know that I will never stop loving you and I want to see you again and see if we still have the connection I feel with you now and the desire to be with you and lay together every night after a long day of work or life. I know these feelings or love for you will ever fade away from my heart as time goes on.
    They say that a rose is a symbol of love true beauty and with colors so pure and full of life. It is also honest for the pain that comes with a rose. I have picked this rose so strongly and firm I have stabbed myself on the thorns hidden on the stem. They protect it from animals that would eat and kill them. I am holding on to our love so tight and with the desire to never let it go. I start to bleed through my fingers the blood is a red that matches the rose’s pedals. I fight to hold on to the beauty that is so rare and special to me. I don’t even notice I have pricked myself and am bleeding. I wish to keep it and love it and nurture it as long as I live and watch the rose bush grow and flourish and grow stronger.

    I want you to know that I would do anything if you called out to me and wanted me or needed me to be by your side. I feel strongly for the ones I love, and my friendships or something this important will always come first to me in times of need. I want you to know I would always place you first to me in life. Because you are the greatest thing and nothing could mean more to me then you’re happiness and love. They are a few things that are worth great sacrifices and risk’s to keep and if for someone I love there is no limit to what I would do or give for you.

    I have always looked forward to the end of my days here, because I knew I could see you and be with you, near you and feel that peace and happiness you give my soul. I often find myself thinking of you and it puts a smile on my face and my heart jumps with excitement. But now I have a tear in my eye and the pain of missing you in my heart. When I think of you, I am grateful for getting the chance to meet you and share these times with you and have the love and the connection with you while here. I honestly can say that the whole time I spent out here before you came into my life was worth it now. Because getting to meet you and having my heart brought back to life again is something no one else has ever been able to do even thou it is breaking right now and feels so heavy to carry. But at least I feel it again for something and someone so special to me and for the love we have. For now I have the Memories of you and the way I crave you like the snow covered land crave that first day of spring at the end of a long winter and for the snow to melt revealing the first buds of spring starving for the warmth of the sun to nurture and feed it with life. Like the way you have melted my heart and nurtured me back to life.

    I think of the way you make me feel when we make love. The way you make my heart pound in my chest, the feelings, the desire the passion we have. The passion that you create in me runs through my veins with fire. Your essence is so strong and seductive to me and my soul craves you. You are additive cause I can never get enough of you and never want to be without you. I feel so sensual and sexy with you, us moving through the darkness like nocturnal animals playing in the unseen shadows of the moon light
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    Feb 26, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    DUDE.............EPIC

    What happened?
  • macguyver32

    Posts: 75

    Feb 27, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    Stunning... It's hard to read having the hint that your feelings may not have been reciprocated. I have felt that way many times... It's just hard sometimes...
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Feb 27, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    This was just awesome. I hope I'll get a letter like this one day - well, at least the intense sense of love this letter has. I've written only one love letter in my time, but it doesn't even remotely compare to your's.
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    Feb 27, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    icon_cry.gif
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    Feb 27, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    That is a lyrically beautiful love letter and if the recipient read it they would hopefully know how you feel.

    Reminds me of this clip from Message in a Bottle, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sFzizrbMEA&feature=related

    A bit sappy but it gets me every time.
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    Feb 27, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    That is one of the most beautiful works of prose I have ever read.
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    Feb 27, 2011 4:09 AM GMT
    Beautiful letter. It brought the feelings back to me that I once had when I fell in love, but the feelings weren't mutual... Thanks for posting.
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    Feb 27, 2011 4:18 AM GMT
    Seriously, reading that made me want to cry. So beautiful.

    And THANK YOU, for your service to the U.S.
  • jeepguySD

    Posts: 651

    Feb 28, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    I can relate to every word that you wrote -- I know the feeling of true love, and the feeling of being revived in life by that love after feeling no hope for a connection to someone special. You captured it very well. I also know the very accute pain of forced separation and distance, and the longing to be together that goes with it.

    It's a wonderful letter. Thank you for sharing it with us.
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Feb 28, 2011 5:13 AM GMT
    wow that is very touching i could only wish to find a guy like that all of wish to find a man this handsome pure down to earth and real.
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    Feb 28, 2011 5:26 AM GMT
    I am so sorry for whatever happened to you and yours. This was so touching it almost brought tears to my eyes. I know the feeling you are having. When reading this, it all came flooding back to me. You are an EXCELLENT writer. I am at a loss of words after that. I will say thank you, this helped me a little.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Feb 28, 2011 5:47 AM GMT
    Stunned. I'm just....stunned. Most of us will never see a letter like that in our mailbox. No matter what he did with it, and no matter the outcome, there's no doubt you changed him forever.

    Kid, you are quite simply The Brass Ring. Whoever has what it takes to catch you and hold on to you is gonna' be one lucky son of a bitch to get off the merry-go-round and settle into a life of intense and passionate connection. Wow.

    Hold fast, stay safe, come home with that heart as open and willing as ever. He's here somewhere. Keep the faith and keep your head down until then.

    xo
  • Giovannii

    Posts: 5

    Mar 04, 2011 11:24 PM GMT
    to answer what happened in I Loved him and was willing to Do whatever It took to be together and once i left Iraq He Just Ran Away no reason or Words or Good Bye until over a Year and a Half later he apologized and said he still has the Letter and dog tags and cant read it with out Crying but was Scared so I still offered to be friends we talked for a bit while i was in Afghan and invited him to germany when i got back as friends and the phone conversations where sweet and honest but once back in Germany He did it again just Nothing from him not a word or reason SO Yeah Realized He was Not Ready for Love or Honesty But glad over him just sad how long it took and how hard and deep i let him in but anyways, Thanks for all the Responses and appreciation for My Words was defiantly a Huge Growing Point in my Life Reality Struck and the Dreams where Just That dreams But I hold true to the Idea and Hope I Have for Love and Have to Believe It or He is Out there, I always Tell My Self Love cant be ready for you You have to Be Ready for Love, In Meaning you may want it but You may not be in a Solid place or Grown enough to Handle it and Be Healthy and Strong as yourself so You will only accept one who treats you right and Loves you the way You deserve, I've Had a Bad Track with Love I was Always Hurt, Disrespected, Abused, Deserted. so Stronger and Wiser now so I am gonna finish my 6 year army contract and then start Pursuing My Dreams and Goals and Doing what Makes me Happy and I will find Him on that Path for we will share common Interest, passions in Life and Love.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Mar 05, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    Giovannii saidto answer what happened in I Loved him and was willing to Do whatever It took to be together and once i left Iraq He Just Ran Away no reason or Words or Good Bye until over a Year and a Half later he apologized and said he still has the Letter and dog tags and cant read it with out Crying but was Scared so I still offered to be friends we talked for a bit while i was in Afghan and invited him to germany when i got back as friends and the phone conversations where sweet and honest but once back in Germany He did it again just Nothing from him not a word or reason SO Yeah Realized He was Not Ready for Love or Honesty But glad over him just sad how long it took and how hard and deep i let him in but anyways, Thanks for all the Responses and appreciation for My Words was defiantly a Huge Growing Point in my Life Reality Struck and the Dreams where Just That dreams But I hold true to the Idea and Hope I Have for Love and Have to Believe It or He is Out there, I always Tell My Self Love cant be ready for you You have to Be Ready for Love, In Meaning you may want it but You may not be in a Solid place or Grown enough to Handle it and Be Healthy and Strong as yourself so You will only accept one who treats you right and Loves you the way You deserve, I've Had a Bad Track with Love I was Always Hurt, Disrespected, Abused, Deserted. so Stronger and Wiser now so I am gonna finish my 6 year army contract and then start Pursuing My Dreams and Goals and Doing what Makes me Happy and I will find Him on that Path for we will share common Interest, passions in Life and Love.



    But what happen? the above letter was grammatically a masterpiece piece of writing, and the train of thought was so eloquent and clear, and yet your response in comparison???????????


    Leandro ♥
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    Jun 11, 2011 6:34 AM GMT
    Damn... if this is not one of the most beautiful things I've had the honour to read.

    Channeling good thoughts your way, man.
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    Jun 11, 2011 6:39 AM GMT
    Amazing, what a story....

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    Jun 11, 2011 7:13 AM GMT
    How'd I miss this?? Damn this kid writes from the heat. Had this shit rolling around in my head more than once also. Not a good place to be.

    To the OP, WOW! Thank you for sharing this difficult episode in your life and sorry it didnt work out. Probably good as it turns out. He wasn't ready for this kind of emotional attachment and now I feel bad for him too. Been there as well. Crap, now I am sad. Generously pour some Bourbon and listen to Eva Cassidy I guess.
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    Jun 11, 2011 7:44 AM GMT
    Your Letter Totally just Ripped out my Mind; In a Good way...In other words, this has just inspired me in so many ways.
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    Jun 11, 2011 8:00 AM GMT
    So beautiful...it reminds exactly of the love, intensity & closeness my ex & I had for each other. It breaks my heart that a strong emotional love like this can go unwarranted. Remember you deserve the best & someone willl appreciate you for all the love you have to give....atleast thats what I keep telling myself after my break up. Sounds like your a beautiful man & deserve all the love in return.
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    Oct 29, 2011 10:38 AM GMT
    beautiful. except you were never deployed, bro. go ahead and ask how i know.
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    Oct 29, 2011 10:41 AM GMT
    this is epic. most beautiful.
  • realdeal86

    Posts: 47

    Oct 29, 2011 10:55 AM GMT
    Hey Giovannii....... Call me!!
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Oct 29, 2011 11:02 AM GMT
    Dang, the power of good writing. All I can say is, well, color me impressed. A person of your heart and mind will find love, that's for sure.

    Peace to you, friend,
    Bardy
  • ben27

    Posts: 101

    Oct 29, 2011 3:27 PM GMT
    this is the greatest letter i have ever read in my entire life ... whatever happens, wish all the best for you!