yesterr saidSo I've been living this "Double Life". It's getting worse everyday, It's getting to a point which is kind of merging into one. I hide my feelings to my family and friends (I'm still in the closet) but I'm absolutely sure If I tell my friends this, they won't back me up, lately we've been talking about gay people, and they see this world as disgusting, and that they could never be with someone like that, sometimes I get hurt, but like i dont mind and just let it pass by. My family is the same way, so I've been lying to everybody and I've been meeting with other guys and stuff, they're really nice but it's getting to a point which ok, I haven't been succesful with any guy I've met for whatever reasons, but it keeps me thinking about what's been going wrong. So when I'm with my friends or family, I just keep on thinking on what's keep on going wrong, so I've been very distracted from what they talk, and they even ask me what's wrong, and I can't say anything else than just a "Nothing". So I guess my sentimental life is keeping my mind busy, by which I can't concentrate too much on other things. I try to just move on, and that the guy for me will come at it's time. It's difficult. And I see they all have their gf and everybody has someone to love, and I've been single for 19 years already. Just receiving the love of my family. So it's kind of frustrating never been loved by someone else than just my family. But, well everything comes at it's time I guess.... It's just taking years for it to come.
I would appreciate comments guys Not just views, Lol.
Dude, I 100% know what you're going through. It sucks.
I thought the saaaaame thing about my friends and family too. I would think "They will never accept me for who I am" "They are going to reject me and cut me out of their lives, etc" It's a scary feeling and u dont have to come out of the closet now, if you're not comfortable.
However, you're beginning to realize that leading a double life is hard, it's not fun. I did the same thing. I led 2 separate lives til I was about 24. It was so hard to juggle both lives at the same time and keep it altogether. There was so much lying, and "story-telling" and "acting" that I was going crazy on the inside.
My parents are devoutly Catholic and so I was raised that way. I have 2 (straight) brothers and very "straight" parents (obviously?)
Homosexuality was rarely talked about and if it was it was always "thats weird" "thats strange" etc. My brothers would say things like "thats gay" about anything that was not considered cool to them or whatever. "faggot" was used on a constant basis. Not toward me, bu toward anything. I just knew that being a homo was not going to go over well.
Long story short, when I was 24 I "came out" I was literally scared for my life. I didnt wanna lose my family.
However, they all ended up being a lot more supportive than I thought. Yeah, it was uber awkward and they asked some awkward questions, but in the end they still loved me and just want me to be happy.
I sure ur fam wants the same for , they just dont know about u. They may not understand at first, but u will need to help them understand.
Again, wait until you're ready to come out. I'm telling you when u do, your mind will be a lot less distracted. You need to make urself happy in this life. I think thats the most important thing I learned and it took me years, but being happy with who u are will cause everything else to fall into place.
You're 18, you've got a lot of growing up to do and I dont mean that in like a condescending way. I mean it for real, cuz I remember when I was 18 and now that I'm 27, damn has my life completely changed since then and so will urs.