Need objective perspective

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    I apologize for now having a full profile. I know some people just hate this. I'm just trying to minimize the chance of someone I know reading this.

    I just wanted to get some feedback from people on my situation.

    The backstory
    I've been dating this guy for 3 months. I'm his first somewhat serious relationship (i.e. met his friends and family). Things seem to be going well until one day he was really acting weird and said it was because of exams. A week later, he told me we should break up because he's having a difficult time balancing school and a relationship. He thought he was able to balance it, but he said he was feeling frustrated and was mad at everyone but didn't want to take it out on me. Hence why he wanted the relationship to end.

    We have a lot of mutual friends. So, we decided we would just be friends. This was difficult at times and great other times. It was great that we were still able to talk and hang out. But at the same time, people know we aren't together and are actively pursuing him. Which should be fine since we are no longer together - but it is definitely still hard to watch it happen especially when I'm standing right next to him.

    The talk
    So, one day we decided to go for dinner and had a chat at my place. I told him some of the challenges I'm having with our breakup and trying to be friends. Obviously, it's very hard to watch other guys touch him and try to get with him. But not once did I stop it or interfere. He's been very honest with me about him not interested in anyone and even when he's at the bar without me, he's been rejecting every guy that approaches.

    So, I had to basically ask him what his real reason for breaking up with me. I honestly wanted to know because I had been wondering if it was something I did. But his reasons were the same. He was having difficulties balancing life. We never got into a single fight, he said I was not clingy or smothering. He was also scared he wouldn't be able to say things like "I love you" to me and actually meant it. He was afraid one day I would say those words and he couldn't repeat it.

    So, because we still have strong feelings for each other, we came to the conclusion it might be better if we just stop contacting or seeing each other. This would mean we would have to split our time with our mutual friends and hopefully our feelings will fade.

    We then spent 2 hours in my bed just crying and holding each other. I tried to nudge him to leave as it was getting really late but he didn't want to move. It took a long time before we left and I drove him home. So, it was a very emotional night for us.

    So, we have not contacted each other for almost a week now. We have to see each other at a birthday party for a mutual friend. But I guess I'm just trying to rationalize why this all happened. Obviously, I want us to get back together. But it really isn't my decision at this point.

    Any insights on what might be going on in his head?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 4:35 PM GMT
    At best, he's confused. At worst, he's in love with someone else. Move on.
  • Riahtherockst...

    Posts: 107

    Feb 27, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    Rough stuff but try to remember that in five years things will be just fine (or at least you will have a whole new set of problems that make these look trivial in retrospect.)

    icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 4:43 PM GMT
    I don't think life is that easy Dominus...sometimes things conflict but I will say that his sights need to be realigned....If he truly does not want the relationship to continue and you both swoon each time you're around each other, then cut its head off and move away. Pretty hard to move on with your mindset, don't you think??.................Keithicon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 4:49 PM GMT
    Homowardbound saidI don't think life is that easy Dominus...sometimes things conflict but I will say that his sights need to be realigned....If he truly does not want the relationship to continue and you both swoon each time you're around each other, then cut its head off and move away. Pretty hard to move on with your mindset, don't you think??.................Keithicon_wink.gif


    What can I say, Homie? I'm a realist, a mofo, and a cold-hearted sonnavabitch! It works for me. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 4:49 PM GMT
    Man, have I ever been down this road no few times.

    This all about him and nothing about you. Go off and explore your life; discover healthy love. He knows where and how to find you.


    Eventually he'll have to come to terms with this, the position he's put you in:



    It was way past midnight
    And she still couldn't fall asleep
    This night the dream was leavin'
    She tried so hard to keep
    And with the new day's dawning
    She felt it drift away
    Not only for a cruise
    Not only for a day

    CHORUS
    Too long ago
    Too long apart
    She couldn't wait another day for
    The captain of her heart

    As the day came up she made a start
    She stopped waiting another day for
    The captain of her heart

    CHORUS
    Too long ago
    Too long apart
    She couldn't wait another day for
    The captain of her heart

    CHORUS
    Too long ago
    Too long apart
    She couldn't wait another day for
    The captain of her heart

    As the day came up
    She made a stop
    She stopped waiting another day for
    The captain of her heart

    CHORUS
    Too long ago
    Too long apart
    She couldn't wait another day for
    The captain of her heart
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2011 5:45 AM GMT
    Riahtherockstar saidRough stuff but try to remember that in five years things will be just fine (or at least you will have a whole new set of problems that make these look trivial in retrospect.)

    icon_smile.gif


    Definitely looking forward to a whole new set of problems! icon_cool.gif

    Thanks for your input guys. I wish I didn't have emotions. They get in the way of things!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2011 11:03 PM GMT
    Sometimes rationalizing things and going with your emotional wants don't always coincide. Sometimes you can't even differentiate between between reason and logic, with emotion and desire.

    He sounds confused to be honest. And you're in the less than ideal position of having your hopes and wants dependent on his decisions... it's a tough thing to work through from your standpoint, I know.

    If you want to be with him, let him know. It sounds like he wants to be with you too, but due to circumstances, he's decided it's for the best - in the long run - to be apart. Maybe suggest to take it one day at a time, to enjoy it for the moment and deal with issues when/should they arise? Sometimes worrying what *might* happen can stop us from being happy and enjoying the moments at face value.