I hate being gay

  • Jexxo

    Posts: 28

    Feb 27, 2011 9:09 AM GMT
    Does anyone else just hate being gay and wish they were straight?

    When I first realised I was gay I denied it for a few years and just carried on dating girls, hoping it was just something which would go away, but eventually I realised it wouldn't and so I just gave into it.

    At that point I thought it would get easier, seen as I was finally being honest with myself and for a while it was, I did things with guys and it felt great.

    But the last few months I've gone back to really hating being gay and the stuff that comes with it. I hate the fact that I can never have kids like normal people. Now, I know people will shoot me down for saying 'normal' but you know what I'm getting at. And yes I know gay couples can adopted etc but two gay people bringing up a kid in my personal view is not fair on the kid - again, I know lots will disagree.

    I also hate the fact that people look at you and treat you slightly different as soon as they know you're gay. Even the people who aren't really homophobic still treat you slightly differently and I hate that.

    It feels like I've gone back about 4 years to the stage where I just hate these feelings I have for guys and just wish so bad they'd go away.

    Such a mess icon_sad.gif
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    Feb 27, 2011 9:13 AM GMT
    You are very, very self-loathing and you are projecting that loathe onto fact that you are gay.
    Being gay is part of who you are and who you will be.
    Learn to accept the joys and follies of life as they come.
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    Feb 27, 2011 9:40 AM GMT

    I do Hate Being Gay but I Love the Men even More icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 27, 2011 9:56 AM GMT
    Just the same do you realize how many homophobes wish they could tear homosexuality from their clandestine consciences? They will never be comfortable in their skin either. So be proud of your ability to not only be honest but, able to openly question your perceptions of right and wrong.

    I think you need a break... Give your heart time to catch up with your mind. There is nothing WRONG with you!!! I think you are placing this too high above the more important things in life such as, enjoying all the other great things humanity has to offer.

    Open up to the positive things you are probably fearing even worse than sexual orientation. I guarantee you won't be excluded because you are a man of good intentions and unique philosophy otherwise you would not be trying to abandon all the good things you are in exchange for immediate perfection. Completing this awkward journey is still a long ways off in the distance regardless.

    Believe it or not there are a LOT of reasons you probably decided to tread upon this landscape of being gay. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater because there is a special part of you that wants to let other men know you feel a strong connection with them. That part of you should never change...

    God barely shows up to correct us on this topic so it must not be that urgent of a matter at this point anyways. And if it is, still take a deep breath and take your time! Your Truth has barely begun to be discovered and already you are one step ahead of yourself!!!! You don't have to be a pilgrim at a witch trial...
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    Feb 27, 2011 11:24 AM GMT
    i luv being gay - but i think it just the point of view.. there certainly are things i could find to be hated aswell...
    probably hating urself for being gay has something to do with ur super-ego has become too dominant... usually something like this would just happen if ur parent and/or ur environment have always given u the feeling that being gay is a bad thing....
  • OJ89

    Posts: 106

    Feb 27, 2011 11:32 AM GMT
    Sometimes I think "Man surely it would be easier if I was straight"
    But then would it? Everyone goes through shit like everybody else.
    I like being gay, so far it's made life far more exciting!
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    Feb 27, 2011 1:01 PM GMT
    I could retire if I had a nickel for every straight/married man who told me he wished he was gay so his life would be easier.
    The grass is always greener...
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Feb 27, 2011 1:43 PM GMT
    Upryte saidJust the same do you realize how many homophobes wish they could tear homosexuality from their clandestine consciences? They will never be comfortable in their skin either. So be proud of your ability to not only be honest but, able to openly question your perceptions of right and wrong.

    I think you need a break... Give your heart time to catch up with your mind. There is nothing WRONG with you!!! I think you are placing this too high above the more important things in life such as, enjoying all the other great things humanity has to offer.

    Open up to the positive things you are probably fearing even worse than sexual orientation. I guarantee you won't be excluded because you are a man of good intentions and unique philosophy otherwise you would not be trying to abandon all the good things you are in exchange for immediate perfection. Completing this awkward journey is still a long ways off in the distance regardless.

    Believe it or not there are a LOT of reasons you probably decided to tread upon this landscape of being gay. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater because there is a special part of you that wants to let other men know you feel a strong connection with them. That part of you should never change...

    God barely shows up to correct us on this topic so it must not be that urgent of a matter at this point anyways. And if it is, still take a deep breath and take your time! Your Truth has barely begun to be discovered and already you are one step ahead of yourself!!!! You don't have to be a pilgrim at a witch trial...



    Upryte this is one of those moments where you sound clear and level headed, if only you could take a moment and see how sane you sound! I felt no hatred or self-loathiness in your message, but one full of wisdom and a deeper sense of self. Good for you!!


    Leandro ♥
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    Feb 27, 2011 1:57 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI could retire if I had a nickel for every straight/married man who told me he wished he was gay so his life would be easier.
    The grass is always greener...


    QFT
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Feb 27, 2011 3:10 PM GMT
    Jexxo!


    I find it sad and alarming how nowadays so many people in general: straight, gay, or bi are so caught up in so much sexual hangups and identity crisis, and how everyone else is missing the bigger picture, and dismiss it by calling them self-loathing and all sorts of names.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and no you are not in a mess, and I'll tell you why! First of all your sexual identity is merely a small part of who you are as a whole, although important, but a very small part of who you are nonetheless! having said that please know that your attraction for someone of your same sex should be the least of your worries, as sexual urges are by far a no brainer and quite easy to assimilate and manipulate at your own will; in essence you are sole responsible in being who you want to be, forget about what anyone else think you should be, just be you sweetie, just be you!!

    Jex I know where you are coming from, and believe me most of us do too, but lets analyse a few of your drawbacks or disillusions of being gay, and see if they are any different or valid then how straight people feel too? you worry how differently people perceive you the moment they find out you are gay? well it is no different for a straight person, as I know a lot of them do feel like outcasts by their own or even by other gays for just being different or having a difference of opinion. Sweety being different is a good thing, but there is always a huge price to pay with that, and that is fine too!! everyone: straight, gay, or bi have felt rejected or isolated by everyone else, including among their own kind, that said you are not alone in feeling this way.

    You know what? being different is what set us apart from those who struggle to be like everyone else. I truly feel that you are a cut above the rest, and that is a good thing, and don't you ever forget that. I sense that you are a man of substance: someone who wants more because deep inside you feel there is more to you then just the flesh, and that is a good thing! so you see so far you are scoring big on reasons to not hate yourself.

    You miss having the opportunity to have a child because you are gay? if you really love children that much you being gay should not be an issue much less an impedement in raising or having a child! I should know because I used to think just like you, in that raising a child without a mother and a father wasn't fair to them!? but no sooner I realized that children DO NOT need a male of female role model as much as they need someone to love and care for them...period!! if you want a child you must have enough love in yourself first before you love and care for one.

    Another matter you need to consider is that the percentage of unfit and single parenting amongst straight people is extremely high! I work very close with many social agencies in my field, and the ones with the worse case scenario with children ironically are with heterosexual parents. I love children and if tomorrow I were to fall in love with someone with a child, I will welcome them with open arms, that is if only he is already a fit parent!? otherwise I have no interest in bringing a child into a world. Humanity is just starting to face the worse time of their lives. I personally wouldn't want to be responsible in bringing up a child into a world that seems to lack basic moralities and values, something so important for a human child to grow beyond his own human years. But nothing is ever written in stone, because all it takes to change my mind is finding someone who is as committed to himself as he would be as a parent and to the child, and that my friend could be anyone, straight, gay, or bi!! please feel free to write me if you like! good luck, and don't you ever forget that you are worthy sweetie!!


    Leandro ♥

  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Feb 27, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    Don't beat yourself up. What you are going through is somewhat normal angst for someone your age still trying to come to terms with the reality of their sexuality. I was in the exact same place at your age, and actually didn't fully come to terms with it until around 25 years old or so. Everyone gets there at their own pace, so don't let it get you down. That being said, GAY is not a choice we make. In fact, if we had a choice, many of us likely would not choose to be Gay. But, it is what it is, and the sooner you come to terms with it the happier you will be to get on with your life.
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    Feb 27, 2011 3:40 PM GMT
    Sad to hear. In all honesty all you have in this life is yourself. only do and make out of it what you alone enjoy and love. never look at what others perceive on something they themselves are not. You come into this place alone and you leave just the same. Care for yourself only for some time... You will conquer this just like everyone else.
  • fitdude62

    Posts: 294

    Feb 27, 2011 3:53 PM GMT
    I am not so sure that you really "hate being gay" or if it is a fact that you are not who you had thought you'd be.

    We are programed from youth to set out goals and find out who we are and how we would fit into society. Realizing that we are gay throws a big monkey wrench into those plans and ideas.

    The universe has a funny way of turning us around and making us learn about ourselves and those around us.

    Focus on all of the great things that you have and do. Focus on the future and make new goals and plans for yourself. When you focus on the past and old ideas and dreams you get disappointed.

    Life is great and always changing to keep us challenged.

    Happiness in not in having or being.

    You were built to conquer your environment, sovle problems, and achieve goals. You'll find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer and goals to achieve.

    Being gay is one of the ways we are challenged by life.

    Happiness is in activity, it's in doing something you love.

    Peace
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    Feb 27, 2011 3:53 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI could retire if I had a nickel for every straight/married man who told me he wished he was gay so his life would be easier.
    The grass is always greener...
    Even KEVIN has admitted that! Remember? LOL
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    Feb 27, 2011 4:05 PM GMT
    I love being gay!

    i always felt different from everyone else growing up in my small town. so when i came down off the mountain and tried to meet others it was really hard at first. heart wrenching even. but in the end i have made so many amazing friends and have had even better experiences. as one of my friends stated yesterday that he loves his life! I do to!

    I would not exchange this life, this community that is so accepting, for anything! if this lifestyle were easy i'd be bored to tears.

    I know people say if they were given the choice to be straight or gay they would never choose to be gay; im very much the opposite i would choose to be gay every day of the week and twice on sundays.

    if you can't love yourself how in the hhheeelll are you gonnna love someone else lol.

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    Feb 27, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    many of us have travelled that highway, but it comes from growing up in a world with a different outlook and attitude. It doesn't come from within. Learn first to accept that this is not something you ate, it is how you are and were wired, the same idea as your hair and eye color.

    If you buy into the myth that we are sick and can change, then you play their game and suffer the torment. Think of who you are in your soul, not in your dick.... How you treat and accept others and how your soul reacts to life is what is important.

    Who you fuck is not........................love thyself and then you can love others........................................hang in brother...........Keithicon_wink.gif
  • DavidnVA

    Posts: 21

    Feb 27, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
    Wow.. I'm actually impressed with some of the posts on here.. no one really bashing your comments... it definitely makes for a more enjoyable exchange... Kudos to all.

    I doubt there's anyone out there who at some point hasn't strongly questioned themselves and those who haven't, isn't truly searching or trying to gain an insight and understanding of themselves. Cut yourself some slack and accept that you'll have periods of doubt... it's the process of accepting who you are. People have different levels of self-identity.. no individual identity is going to fit all... and that's cool.
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    Feb 27, 2011 4:25 PM GMT
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  • gymrat1

    Posts: 132

    Feb 27, 2011 4:28 PM GMT
    Have you ever thought what a boring, grey world we would live in, if everyone were the same.....straight, married, 2.5 kids, white picket fence....icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2011 4:28 PM GMT
    Go do something with your life other than think about being gay.
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    Feb 27, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    There are some unique aspects to being gay.

    You are a natural bridge between men and women. You're gay (like it or not); you have insight into their thinking and feelings and you are a guy, so have insight into their thinking and feeling. Women will talk to about guys and guys will talk to you about women, depending on how you blend these abilities which can be rather intuitive.

    You can be favourite Uncle to kids. This means a confidant; they'll tell you things they won't tell Mom and Dad.

    You can be a god-parent, which we both are. This makes you TA-DAH! a real Fairy Godfather! (and you thought they didn't exist). icon_wink.gif

    It's often said being gay is a small part of you. Granted it may be so for some, but it's a vital-core part nonetheless. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Feb 27, 2011 4:39 PM GMT
    @Jexxo- Well, I hated growing up poor and a minority most of my life. In some ways, I always will be those things, but like being gay (sometimes), those things can have stigmas attached to them and people may choose to play into the stereotypes and treat you differently as a reason, but you know that's there issue not yours.

    I don't necessarily think this is "who you are", as it's trait that can be completely internalized to a degree, though some people do choose to put it out there (way at out there at times), I assume it's only cause they are proud of who they are, proud of the good and bad that comes with it, just as some due with their race, gender, religion, class, etc.The challenges I experienced growing up shaped who I am today, so I'm proud of that. I arose from a situation which many cannot see past(my brother used to always taunt me with "who do you think you are, you think you are...." and I didn't think I was much during those times, but figured, no reason I couldn't become whatever I wanted.

    So long story short, I don't think it's wrong to wish to be something beyond you are today- it's how we all become better people (hopefully), but you do need to make some peace with who you are right now and enjoy it. I've worked around people who seem to have it all and while rare, even they complain their status has resulted in them being treated differently and it sucks....Grass is always greener on the other side, right?
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Feb 27, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    creasy1978 saidI love being gay!

    i always felt different from everyone else growing up in my small town. so when i came down off the mountain and tried to meet others it was really hard at first. heart wrenching even. but in the end i have made so many amazing friends and have had even better experiences. as one of my friends stated yesterday that he loves his life! I do to!

    I would not exchange this life, this community that is so accepting, for anything! if this lifestyle were easy i'd be bored to tears.

    I know people say if they were given the choice to be straight or gay they would never choose to be gay; im very much the opposite i would choose to be gay every day of the week and twice on sundays.

    if you can't love yourself how in the hhheeelll are you gonnna love someone else lol.



    DITTO!!!!

    I love being gay too.

    Ask yourself this question... you do think you would have more fun on a gay cruise or a str8 cruise???

    The gays are so much more fun.

    I'm happy and proud to be a gay man.

    The RuPaul quote is true .... Gotta love yourself.

    I hope that one day you will see what I mean... all my best.

    icon_cool.gif
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    Feb 27, 2011 5:04 PM GMT
    I love being gay. Its part of who I am. If I were born straight I would have never had a reason to question the things in my life and therefore would still be a conservative, closed-minded, mormon judging everyone who was different. I know I definitely didn't choose to be gay but I feel that I lucked out in so many ways. Yes, our struggle is a bit tougher than most people's but I believe its worth it. Ultimately it comes down to loving yourself. If you love yourself you'd love every aspect about yourself, including if you were gay or not.
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    Feb 27, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    I know that for the brief period where I was uncomfortable being gay, when I look back at it I realize that it was mostly sadness at the realization that the "white picket fence" dream life I had constructed for myself would never come true. What you are missing is that even if you were straight, there would be some event (or several) that could make your pre-conceived notion of the perfect life fall apart. An affair, your wife can't get pregnant, you aren't successful in your career, you don't find acceptance in the social circles you want, your kid turns out to be a druggie, etc. Straight people deal with these too, seeing your preconceived life fall apart isn't just for gay people. But so many gay people blame their sexuality as the only reason it can't come to fruition...if only I were straight, they rationalize, my life would be perfect and all these things would come true.

    But you know what? There is no such thing as a perfect life, just life itself. While goals and forward thinking are good things, you also should focus more on letting life unfold around you. If you spend your entire life chasing after an elusive and unattainable idealized version of life, you are going to regret it when you are older and realize you wasted so much of your life.

    Think of it this way: the perfect life and personality that we all want is like a searing hot stone that you are holding. You are in so much internal pain, but the pain is all because you are gripping this stone and refuse to let go. For some reason in our heads we think that when we reach this unattainable life the pain will go away...but it's really when you drop the stone and just start being you that the pain will go away.