how to deal with the age problem between gay lovers?

  • manrobin

    Posts: 8

    Feb 27, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    hi, guys,I fall in love with a man 52 years old recentlly. i am 25 now. have been keep in tould with each other for 3 month, but never see each other except the cam. bec he lives in a city almost 1500km from my city.
    i think he loves me so much, and i know i always interest in the old man.he is perfectly for me. Several days ago we discuss to move to a new city to start our life next year when he retire. That;s my dream for 25 years. So i agree with him.
    But i never live with a man like his age before. so i really don't is it easy for such a big age difference, and i have to move to a new city.
    do you guys have this kinds of experience before? so that you can give me some suggestion. or share your experience with me.
    icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    i always say this...AGE IS JUST A NUMBER...period.

    you both were born in different years...so what?...at the end of the day it is still your so-called "happiness" that is at stake...so i suggest to weigh things first before u make a decision that will surely change your life and turn it into a roller coaster ride icon_smile.gif

    wish u all the best buddy!


    ---lee
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 5:10 PM GMT
    I have experienced moving to a new city to be with someone.. but never dealt with such an age difference. If you move, make friends through work as quickly as possible. You may get bored, or frustrated if your only social option is your boyfriend. And having friends to spend time with can take pressure off you're new relationship. And no matter what, be comfortable with the idea that things might not work out.. have an exit strategy so you don't get stuck.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    orpheury saidi always say this...AGE IS JUST A NUMBER...period.


    I used to think this, but after watching my grandfather and my step-grandmother I realized that age difference can be a huge problem down the road. Several years after my grandmother's death, my grandfather remarried a woman who was at least 15 years younger than he was. For a very long time it worked out perfectly...they loved to travel together, they were always going to political and cultural events together (they live in DC), and his wit was sharp and quick.

    Now he's definitely feeling the effects of age. Traveling is very difficult for him now, and he can't really plan the logistics well anymore and often has to take naps during the day. They simply can't travel like they used to. He is also not nearly as extroverted as he used to be and doesn't really enjoy anything other than quieter nights. She still loves him, of course, but she is having to make huge lifestyle sacrifices to keep the relationship going.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 5:48 PM GMT
    First, I don't know that it is a good idea to move to a new city for someone you have never experienced in person. This is further complicated by the fact that the communication has only continued three months. Another consideration is cultural backgrounds. Would this require you to adapt to an entirely new way of life. I once moved from New York to the Mid-West, USA. It was very different. If you are leaving a country, I imagine even more challenges. Then there is the age factor. To be sure, there are many relationships that do not experience age as a barrier. That said, it can also be a huge barrier. Again, over coming such barriers requires not only an openness to each others points of reference, i.e. music, film, history, religion but an eagerness to learn and appreciate. Finally, think ahead. I am 50. I would never expect a 25 year old to grow old with me since I am already better than half way there. I think for now there could be a tender loving relationship, but what will it look like in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years. There is a huge difference between 45 and 70. Once a guy hits 40 anything can happen. Mother nature is an indifferent wench. Would you be willing to stay with him if he had a stroke and was wheelchair bound, couldn't speak, needed to be on thickened liquids and pureed foods to swallow? Trust me, I have seen some pretty harsh things happen even to guys in their 40's. Could you be there for that? If you couldn't, what then for you? Where are you? What support systems are in place? How are you supporting yourself and can you afford to do it alone. Think about it, you could move to this city and two months later he has a catastrophic health event and there you are! There is a lot to think about. Keep in mind, it has only been a 3 month, albeit pleasant, electronic relationship.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Feb 27, 2011 6:03 PM GMT
    Kalin saidFirst, I don't know that it is a good idea to move to a new city for someone you have never experienced in person. This is further complicated by the fact that the communication has only continued three months. Another consideration is cultural backgrounds. Would this require you to adapt to an entirely new way of life. I once moved from New York to the Mid-West, USA. It was very different. If you are leaving a country, I imagine even more challenges. Then there is the age factor. To be sure, there are many relationships that do not experience age as a barrier. That said, it can also be a huge barrier. Again, over coming such barriers requires not only an openness to each others points of reference, i.e. music, film, history, religion but an eagerness to learn and appreciate. Finally, think ahead. I am 50. I would never expect a 25 year old to grow old with me since I am already better than half way there. I think for now there could be a tender loving relationship, but what will it look like in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years. There is a huge difference between 45 and 70. Once a guy hits 40 anything can happen. Mother nature is an indifferent wench. Would you be willing to stay with him if he had a stroke and was wheelchair bound, couldn't speak, needed to be on thickened liquids and pureed foods to swallow? Trust me, I have seen some pretty harsh things happen even to guys in their 40's. Could you be there for that? If you couldn't, what then for you? Where are you? What support systems are in place? How are you supporting yourself and can you afford to do it alone. Think about it, you could move to this city and two months later he has a catastrophic health event and there you are! There is a lot to think about. Keep in mind, it has only been a 3 month, albeit pleasant, electronic relationship.


    QFT
    This is, in fact, why I don't date younger guys. I understand and deeply believe in "for now" and the possibility that a guy half my age could just as easily be incapacitated and need my full-time care, but I then go logically down the road of "but when he's 50 and in a wheelchair and I'm almost 75 and in a wheelchair, who will take care of HIM AND ME? It's profoundly unfair on so many levels. I know what I'd like to believe, but I know life is not based on hope alone.
    Yes, it CAN work, and yes it does many times, but you need SO much more than three months of a virtual experience in order to make informed decisions about something so great as a move and a commitment with another man, regardless of age.
  • manrobin

    Posts: 8

    Feb 28, 2011 7:53 AM GMT
    orpheury saidi always say this...AGE IS JUST A NUMBER...period.

    you both were born in different years...so what?...at the end of the day it is still your so-called "happiness" that is at stake...so i suggest to weigh things first before u make a decision that will surely change your life and turn it into a roller coaster ride icon_smile.gif

    wish u all the best buddy!


    ---lee

    Thanks ,buddy.
    Really i should not make decision so fast for just 3 months.
    i don't know. i will calm down to think about this.
    so difficult to meet a man you love so much.
    need time to think about this.
  • manrobin

    Posts: 8

    Feb 28, 2011 7:57 AM GMT
    KentuckyTuss saidI have experienced moving to a new city to be with someone.. but never dealt with such an age difference. If you move, make friends through work as quickly as possible. You may get bored, or frustrated if your only social option is your boyfriend. And having friends to spend time with can take pressure off you're new relationship. And no matter what, be comfortable with the idea that things might not work out.. have an exit strategy so you don't get stuck.



    yes, i agree with you. i will do this if i decide to move to a new city with him one day.
    thanks,man.
  • manrobin

    Posts: 8

    Feb 28, 2011 8:01 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]travelfan said[/cite]
    orpheury saidi always say this...AGE IS JUST A NUMBER...period.


    I used to think this, but after watching my grandfather and my step-grandmother I realized that age difference can be a huge problem down the road. Several years after my grandmother's death, my grandfather remarried a woman who was at least 15 years younger than he was. For a very long time it worked out perfectly...they loved to travel together, they were always going to political and cultural events together (they live in DC), and his wit was sharp and quick.

    Now he's definitely feeling the effects of age. Traveling is very difficult for him now, and he can't really plan the logistics well anymore and often has to take naps during the day. They simply can't travel like they used to. He is also not nearly as extroverted as he used to be and doesn't really enjoy anything other than quieter nights. She still loves him, of course, but she is having to make huge lifestyle sacrifices to keep the relationship going.

    [/quot
    i know if i make sure that i want to live with him for my life.i will not care about the age difference..
    but i am not sure . i just have to think about this. need time to know about each other to make a last decision.

    thanks man.
  • manrobin

    Posts: 8

    Feb 28, 2011 8:03 AM GMT
    Kalin saidFirst, I don't know that it is a good idea to move to a new city for someone you have never experienced in person. This is further complicated by the fact that the communication has only continued three months. Another consideration is cultural backgrounds. Would this require you to adapt to an entirely new way of life. I once moved from New York to the Mid-West, USA. It was very different. If you are leaving a country, I imagine even more challenges. Then there is the age factor. To be sure, there are many relationships that do not experience age as a barrier. That said, it can also be a huge barrier. Again, over coming such barriers requires not only an openness to each others points of reference, i.e. music, film, history, religion but an eagerness to learn and appreciate. Finally, think ahead. I am 50. I would never expect a 25 year old to grow old with me since I am already better than half way there. I think for now there could be a tender loving relationship, but what will it look like in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years. There is a huge difference between 45 and 70. Once a guy hits 40 anything can happen. Mother nature is an indifferent wench. Would you be willing to stay with him if he had a stroke and was wheelchair bound, couldn't speak, needed to be on thickened liquids and pureed foods to swallow? Trust me, I have seen some pretty harsh things happen even to guys in their 40's. Could you be there for that? If you couldn't, what then for you? Where are you? What support systems are in place? How are you supporting yourself and can you afford to do it alone. Think about it, you could move to this city and two months later he has a catastrophic health event and there you are! There is a lot to think about. Keep in mind, it has only been a 3 month, albeit pleasant, electronic relationship.

    thanks buddy, really thanks for this.
    i don't know the future, but i hope the things goes well .
    god bless us.
  • manrobin

    Posts: 8

    Feb 28, 2011 8:06 AM GMT
    MuscleComeBack said
    Kalin saidFirst, I don't know that it is a good idea to move to a new city for someone you have never experienced in person. This is further complicated by the fact that the communication has only continued three months. Another consideration is cultural backgrounds. Would this require you to adapt to an entirely new way of life. I once moved from New York to the Mid-West, USA. It was very different. If you are leaving a country, I imagine even more challenges. Then there is the age factor. To be sure, there are many relationships that do not experience age as a barrier. That said, it can also be a huge barrier. Again, over coming such barriers requires not only an openness to each others points of reference, i.e. music, film, history, religion but an eagerness to learn and appreciate. Finally, think ahead. I am 50. I would never expect a 25 year old to grow old with me since I am already better than half way there. I think for now there could be a tender loving relationship, but what will it look like in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years. There is a huge difference between 45 and 70. Once a guy hits 40 anything can happen. Mother nature is an indifferent wench. Would you be willing to stay with him if he had a stroke and was wheelchair bound, couldn't speak, needed to be on thickened liquids and pureed foods to swallow? Trust me, I have seen some pretty harsh things happen even to guys in their 40's. Could you be there for that? If you couldn't, what then for you? Where are you? What support systems are in place? How are you supporting yourself and can you afford to do it alone. Think about it, you could move to this city and two months later he has a catastrophic health event and there you are! There is a lot to think about. Keep in mind, it has only been a 3 month, albeit pleasant, electronic relationship.


    QFT
    This is, in fact, why I don't date younger guys. I understand and deeply believe in "for now" and the possibility that a guy half my age could just as easily be incapacitated and need my full-time care, but I then go logically down the road of "but when he's 50 and in a wheelchair and I'm almost 75 and in a wheelchair, who will take care of HIM AND ME? It's profoundly unfair on so many levels. I know what I'd like to believe, but I know life is not based on hope alone.
    Yes, it CAN work, and yes it does many times, but you need SO much more than three months of a virtual experience in order to make informed decisions about something so great as a move and a commitment with another man, regardless of age.

    thanks man.