How can I believe in love? I want too... But everytime I start too it just vanishes as the truth unveils :( Help?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 5:18 PM GMT
    First off, let me start by saying... Not one person in my family is currently in a relationship. Now, It starts off as this... My father died of cancer when I was 1... However my parents were getting divorced until he was diagnosed...
    Then, my sister... Her first relationship went for a few years. It ended with her boyfriend sending her crazy and cheating behind her back and giving her STD's. Then my brother, his first girlfriend also cheated on him. My sister was then in another relationship for a year, he broke up with her by text message. So that's my foundation, now to me.

    I've always wanted to believe in love, and got too... my bf of two years, now last month we seperated for a month, due to so many complications... Mainly cuz we both wanted different things. Now we're back together... And I was hoping things would change... But they're worse icon_sad.gif All I want is to feel loved, however he isn't intimate at all what so ever unless it suits him, he hates spending time with me and rather talks to his friends, and only really wants anything to do with me when I sleep over at his place, now i'm not stupid. and this is coming across wrong probably... I understand that i'm mainly there due to him not wanting to be lonely, However, I guess we are in love.. I unno, things havn't been right since we got back together... It feels so off track? Like, if i could read his mind... I know that it would tell me he wants to go back to his first kiss and try continue with that, as he told me he still lusted for him, and then went out to dinner with him the other night with all his friends out of the blue when they havn't seen each other in like a year and they live in a completely different city, and still hasnt mentioned anything about it to me yet. It feels as if he's only with me until he finds something better...

    However I feel like all this is me overacting, but i cant help it... i try to control my emotions but i cant!

    So is love real? or is it all just an obsession that we have with someone on an emotional and physical scale? Like, none of us have gone out with girls and have been in love with them have we? Because we're gay... So love is all just based on attraction, which is just sex? It has no greater meaning?
    Is it all just a fear of loneliness? But when we breakup why do we only remeber the good times? Why does that bring us back... It doesn't make sense, I crave for him... But why? I know i find him attractive... i know i feel warmth in his arms... i know i lust for him to pay attention to me...

    I unno, help? What should i do? Should i start training my mind to deal with being single? We all die in the end anyways right? What it all matter...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    As for the bf, it sounds like he may not be as invested in you as you are him... Maybe I completely misunderstood your post, but if he's telling you that he would rather be with another guy, that's a sign that he doesn't really love you. I guess I don't know the situation very well, so it's really up to you to figure out how much he is really worth to you- if he doesn't care for you, don't stay with him for any reason, even if you do "lust" for him. I think that too often people mistake lust for love.

    It really is too bad that you don't have any models of good relationships. I think that I, or anyone else on this site, can only offer you our word that they do exist.

    Love is often rare to come by. You're a young guy, and you have your whole life ahead of you. It may be hard to believe, especially since you haven't had an opportunity to witness it, but love has a way of making appearances when you least expect it. This is just a personal belief of mine, but at this point in your life you should try to live for yourself, enjoy what you have, take things in stride, and if love happens to make it's way in- hold on to it! Just don't look for love- I guess, if you don't know what you're looking for, you might grab on to the wrong thing.
    I also believe that love is a lot more than just physical attraction. I think it is possible to love all people, boys/girls/gay/straight/etc, but there is a difference between a friendly love and a romantic love, and that's where the physical attraction comes in. icon_wink.gif

    One day, you'll meet a guy that'll put butterflies in your stomach just by looking at you, and you will have this feeling telling you that he is just... right. Until that day, don't settle for anyone that is making you question the validity of your relationship.

    Good luck! Hope this was remotely helpful! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 6:04 PM GMT
    Yes, love can be real. At it's simplest I would say, love is wanting the other guy to be happy and do what you can do make him happy. In my loving relationship, at almost every decision I make, I consider how it would affect him, me and us. Love isn't a switch that flips and stays on, but you need to reaffirm it often, so it stays and grows.

    Beneim It feels as if he's only with me until he finds something better...
    Good that you have figured this out. What is missing in your post is "How do you feel about your boyfriend"? Do you love him? Do you feel loved? Do you think this relationship has a future?

    Your post reads as if you are not getting what you want from this relationship. Does your boyfriend? Are you guys communicating about your needs?

    So, if you really want this, you have some talking to do.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 7:49 PM GMT
    output.gif


    Get out of this sad mess that you're in.

    You're being scared of being alone... But BOY you're in 'zombie' relationship and that is not healthy

    Get your head out of the sand and move forward...Its unfortunate that your family has also relationship problems...but then again its the type of people they've been conditioned to like.

    I sorry if I'm sound mean but all I can say is that most of us can simply offer our advice, but its up to you to heed them and actually see it through.

    STOP GETTING YOUR EMOTIONS IN A TIZZY..GET A KLEENEX, BLOW YOUR NOSE OUT. WASH YOUR FACE AND DRY UP.....

    Now sit back and watch Toni Braxton's HeWasn't Man Enough



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 9:02 PM GMT
    love isn't real. Its just a series of chemicals shooting back and forth in the brain. It's not magic. It doesn't last forever. Once you realize that.....life gets sooooo much easier icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 9:05 PM GMT
    Lr6Tb saidAs for the bf, it sounds like he may not be as invested in you as you are him... Maybe I completely misunderstood your post, but if he's telling you that he would rather be with another guy, that's a sign that he doesn't really love you. I guess I don't know the situation very well, so it's really up to you to figure out how much he is really worth to you- if he doesn't care for you, don't stay with him for any reason, even if you do "lust" for him. I think that too often people mistake lust for love.

    It really is too bad that you don't have any models of good relationships. I think that I, or anyone else on this site, can only offer you our word that they do exist.

    Love is often rare to come by. You're a young guy, and you have your whole life ahead of you. It may be hard to believe, especially since you haven't had an opportunity to witness it, but love has a way of making appearances when you least expect it. This is just a personal belief of mine, but at this point in your life you should try to live for yourself, enjoy what you have, take things in stride, and if love happens to make it's way in- hold on to it! Just don't look for love- I guess, if you don't know what you're looking for, you might grab on to the wrong thing.
    I also believe that love is a lot more than just physical attraction. I think it is possible to love all people, boys/girls/gay/straight/etc, but there is a difference between a friendly love and a romantic love, and that's where the physical attraction comes in. icon_wink.gif

    One day, you'll meet a guy that'll put butterflies in your stomach just by looking at you, and you will have this feeling telling you that he is just... right. Until that day, don't settle for anyone that is making you question the validity of your relationship.

    Good luck! Hope this was remotely helpful! icon_smile.gif


    btw.....those run-ons are fucking exhausting......jus' sayin icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 9:39 PM GMT
    Love is real, but only with a person that corresponds the feelings and commitment you have for them. In the mean time, be happy being alone- enjoy all you do; you don´t need someone to complete you. Remember love isn´t just about romantic love, continue cultivating and investing in all the other relationships in your life.

    Hope it´s helpful,

    Daniel

    PS Stop looking at your family´s relationship history- it won´t lead you anywhere... and please stop being so analytical (I am just as guilty icon_rolleyes.gif . Relax! Enjoy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2011 10:56 PM GMT
    dekiruman said
    Lr6Tb said/>


    btw.....those run-ons are fucking exhausting......jus' sayin icon_confused.gif


    You, sir, are a Debby Downer. Sorry I'm not an English major. icon_evil.gif