Ah, the dreaded one word response from a man you went on a couple of dates with.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2011 6:19 PM GMT
    You all know what I am talking about. You ask the guy you kinda like a question, and he responds with a one word answer, effectively killing any conversation that could possibly happen given the context of the text message. I am going to tell this story by letting you all know I have reached the conclusion that being stuck in the east bay by myself for the past couple of days has left me with too much time on my hands, and I need to stop over analyzing the situation as a whole, but here it goes. the tl;dr is at the bottom.

    So I met this guy for coffee last Friday, which went well. It actually lasted for 3 hours (weird for a first date in my opinion.) We were leaving, I walked him back to his place, and we kissed at his door. He told me that I was "so fucking cute" and that he thought I was hot, but wasnt going to invite me up because he didnt want me to get confused with what his intentions were. Great, the guy seems nice.

    He txts me that night saying that he enjoyed meeting me, I responded, he txt back asking if I could hang out that sunday. I agreed, and we spent 6 hours together that day. He also asked me what I thought of the time we were spending together, I told him he was a nice guy and I looked forward to spending more time with him.

    Monday, he asked me if I wanted to do dinner this week, told him I couldnt because I had to be over here in the east bay looking out for my dog, and I could do next wednesday. So wednesday date #3 was set up. Later that week we txted eachother (initiated by me) and wanted to try to get together today tentatively. I called him Friday to tell him when I was getting back (per his request), didnt hear anything, so yesterday around 3 I txted him asking if he wanted to try to get together today or just wait til wednesday. Thats when I got the dreaded response of "wednesday."

    Like I said, the conculsion to my whole mess is up above. However I wanted your opinions on one worded responses to prospective dates. Do you ever use them when interested in people, like when you are busy or something like that?

    Have you experienced someone who you had 2 dates with that went well, set up a 3rd, and in between the 2nd and the 3rd the guy lost interest or you lost interest as well?

    Discuss.

    tl:dr-guy who seems like he likes you sends you a one worded response. What are some interpretations.
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    Feb 27, 2011 6:48 PM GMT
    Well everyone's different so it's hard to say.

    But if it was me, I never write 1 word responses in text message especially in your context. If I am busy, I'll wait until I'm not busy and answer the text properly. It takes less than 30 seconds to compose a well thought out message.

    And yes I have experience the same thing as you before. 1st and 2nd date was good and when it came to the third... the guy did not respond back, and that's fine if he's busy... I can understand that. So I wait and he doesn't chase me back either so I dropped him like a rock. That tells me that either A) he's not interested anymore period or B) he found someone else during the 2nd and 3rd potential date or C) he's playing hard to get. I have zero tolerance for guys who play hard to get in dating.
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    Feb 27, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    microbiologist saidWell everyone's different so it's hard to say.

    But if it was me, I never write 1 word responses in text message especially in your context. If I am busy, I'll wait until I'm not busy and answer the text properly. It takes less than 30 seconds to compose a well thought out message.

    And yes I have experience the same thing as you before. 1st and 2nd date was good and when it came to the third... the guy did not respond back, and that's fine if he's busy... I can understand that. So I wait and he doesn't chase me back either so I dropped him like a rock. That tells me that either A) he's not interested anymore period or B) he found someone else during the 2nd and 3rd potential date or C) he's playing hard to get. I have zero tolerance for guys who play hard to get in dating.


    Yea thats understandable, did the guy set the 3rd date with you (like mine did?) Cause that is what is confusing to me.
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    Feb 27, 2011 9:02 PM GMT
    just make sure he isn't in hospital or the morgue. Did you try a phone call? I know your gen is dif but why can't guys talk via voce anymore? Drop by his place and bang on the door, if he answers with obvious deception or avoidance, do the ba bye and move on..but at least give him the benefit...too many guys are afraid they appear desperate if they actually follow up on a guy. He'll either like it or not....what do you want to do? it's relationships and there are no rules....the guys usually making them don't know shit from shinola.....................Keithicon_wink.gif
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    Feb 28, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    You texted him a question that only needed one word as a response. What exactly are you getting so worked up over?

    You didn't talk to him. You texted him. Should he have sent back a Joyce or Tolstoy novel as a reply?
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    Feb 28, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    Wednesday is only a couple of days away. You've got a date with him, show up with a smile on your face. Don't over analyze.
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    Feb 28, 2011 12:57 AM GMT
    I wouldn't be communicating with a guy I recently met via texting. Try the old fashioned way...actual talking. Works wonders. Talking is better.

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    Feb 28, 2011 1:06 AM GMT
    I think the mode of communication depends on the message. Is it a quick question? Then txt. If it's a conversation I'm looking for then I'll call. It's a generation thing.
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    Feb 28, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    Guys can be just as moody as girls. All of a sudden for no reason they are standoffish. I have experienced this plenty, even with just friends. I would just leave him alone until Wednesday. Guys hate it when you get needy and paranoid. See what the date is like wednesday. I wouldn't look into his behavior unless its the same on the date.
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    Feb 28, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    Chainers said
    microbiologist saidWell everyone's different so it's hard to say.

    But if it was me, I never write 1 word responses in text message especially in your context. If I am busy, I'll wait until I'm not busy and answer the text properly. It takes less than 30 seconds to compose a well thought out message.

    And yes I have experience the same thing as you before. 1st and 2nd date was good and when it came to the third... the guy did not respond back, and that's fine if he's busy... I can understand that. So I wait and he doesn't chase me back either so I dropped him like a rock. That tells me that either A) he's not interested anymore period or B) he found someone else during the 2nd and 3rd potential date or C) he's playing hard to get. I have zero tolerance for guys who play hard to get in dating.


    Yea thats understandable, did the guy set the 3rd date with you (like mine did?) Cause that is what is confusing to me.


    No he did not set the third date with me. I proposed it to him and he said he'll get back to me. He never did, so I inquired, and he kind of left me hanging so I dropped it and moved on.
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    Feb 28, 2011 2:20 AM GMT
    Chainers saidI think the mode of communication depends on the message. Is it a quick question? Then txt. If it's a conversation I'm looking for then I'll call. It's a generation thing.


    I agree with this. I think some guys still appreciate a well composed message as opposed to a 1 word answer. I know I am one of those guys who like a well composed message.

    Again, it all depends on the person.
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    Feb 28, 2011 2:23 AM GMT
    KissingPro said I wouldn't be communicating with a guy I recently met via texting.


    But everyone does. Is there lots and lots of more room for flaking? Absolutely. But it's hard to against that tide.

    As for the OP's situation, been there, to a T. It doesn't necessarily mean absolutely anything. Maybe it'll all fizzle out. Maybe it'll be the love of your life. There's no formula. It'll be what it'll be.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Feb 28, 2011 2:25 AM GMT
    You might be over thinking this. Maybe you got a one word text because he was in the middle of something but didn't want you to think he was ignoring you. See him again and don't be antsy. He could pick up on that vibe, misinterpret it, and then there could really be problems.
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    Feb 28, 2011 2:35 AM GMT
    Ariodante said It'll be what it'll be.


    Que sera sera?

    You like the guy, you've got nothing wrong with you or anything you've done. Just let yourself calm down and cool down till you see him again. Might suck but it's probably your best bet.
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    Feb 28, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    I think you're overthinking it, he did give you a concrete answer which was "Wednesday." Get in touch with him whenever it is you'd normally get in touch with him, and if he's still being short, time to move on.
  • barriehomeboy

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    Feb 28, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    This would not have happened a hundred years ago. What message did you send to him when you said the dogs were more important that meeting him?

    I don't mean text message. I mean the real message.

    Jesus you young people are going to cause a nuclear war. I swear!
  • Ironman4U

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    Feb 28, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    Seems like you're overanalyzing. You asked a question, he answered it. He could have been driving, in the middle of something or just tired. The fact is that he responded to you. Chill dude. It will work out the way it should regardless.
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    Feb 28, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidJesus you young people are going to cause a nuclear war. I swear!


    <3
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    Feb 28, 2011 3:09 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidThis would not have happened a hundred years ago. What message did you send to him when you said the dogs were more important that meeting him?

    I don't mean text message. I mean the real message.

    Jesus you young people are going to cause a nuclear war. I swear!


    I'm not quite sure how to interpret this. Do you mean it was wrong of me to say "sorry, I can't meet this week because I told my parents I would go home for the weekend so that I can look after their dogs for them."?
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    Feb 28, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    Ironman4U saidSeems like you're overanalyzing. You asked a question, he answered it. He could have been driving, in the middle of something or just tired. The fact is that he responded to you. Chill dude. It will work out the way it should regardless.


    I all ready know I am overanalyzing it I just wanted to hear other's thoughts about the whole thing and their experiences as well. That's all.

  • Feb 28, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    I think an appropriate saying to describe this situation would be: "Idle hands are the devil's tools."

    It sounds like this dude still wants to meet on Wednesday, so you should wait until then to draw any conclusions. Look--we've all been there before...but you really should distract yourself (e.g. jack off, go out with friends, work out, etc.) for a bit until you talk to this guy or meet up with him again to figure out if it's gonna work out or not. Thinking about it ad nauseam is a recipe for disaster...
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    Feb 28, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    Relationships are at their very heart simple...yes or no. Yes I want you, no I don't. I have had the same 2 amazing date experience and then on date three you reach for his hand in the movie and there is no connection or energy at all. It's not about you, it is about him – there is nothing you can chance, say or do different. Some people are just not ready for something real. They love the two date dream and then date three hits they just can't make the dream into reality, they have no idea what to do next.

    Give it a chance, go on another date if he agrees and trust our gut. If date three doesn't feel right then end it early.

    Over analyzing is OK, you're brain is trying to make sense of all this and few guys seem to understand communication on any level is worth their time and yours. If they don't respond and can't talk this early on it's hard to believe they will be better later on.

    You know you deserve better, you deserve someone stumbling over themselves to get to you. It doesn't have to be a Disney movie, but they better dam respect your time and attention. It will work out. You will be fine and if not then some other guy will be very lucky for a chance with you.
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    Feb 28, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    RealSportsJock saidI think an appropriate saying to describe this situation would be: "Idle hands are the devil's tools."

    It sounds like this dude still wants to meet on Wednesday, so you should wait until then to draw any conclusions. Look--we've all been there before...but you really should distract yourself (e.g. jack off, go out with friends, work out, etc.) for a bit until you talk to this guy or meet up with him again to figure out if it's gonna work out or not. Thinking about it ad nauseam is a recipe for disaster...


    Yea I know this forum served as one of those distractions. He ended up messaging me today to say hi so I don't think he is entirely uninterested.
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    Feb 28, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    Chainers said

    Yea I know this forum served as one of those distractions. He ended up messaging me today to say hi so I don't think he is entirely uninterested.


    nice! good for you! Happened to me once. You cant help ur feelings and one of them is worring that the guy lost interest.


    Keep us posted.. *nosy*
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Feb 28, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    Homowardbound saidjust make sure he isn't in hospital or the morgue. Did you try a phone call? I know your gen is dif but why can't guys talk via voce anymore? Drop by his place and bang on the door, if he answers with obvious deception or avoidance, do the ba bye and move on..but at least give him the benefit...too many guys are afraid they appear desperate if they actually follow up on a guy. He'll either like it or not....what do you want to do? it's relationships and there are no rules....the guys usually making them don't know shit from shinola.....................Keithicon_wink.gif


    "desperate" ... 'creepy' ... something like that
    Maybe among your generation (I feel ageist saying that, but don't mean it negatively) that's okay, but I would be skeeved out if some dude I'd been on two dates with showed up at my doorstep. Doubly so if we'd already set-up a time to meet that I told you I'd see you on twice. I'd be mildly annoyed if they called (though I'd chock it up as an eccentricity most likely).

    [HB: Phone calls demand the entirety of the callee's attention at the convenience of the caller. This is part of why they are less popular for simple communications. Texts give the recipient more flexibility within their schedule]

    OP: His response was I'll go on a date with you Wed. I think you're worrying too much about this. Diff't people have diff't electronic styles. Def. chill before meeting him and go in without worrying about/giving himi the benefit of the doubt w.r. to the text I'd recommend.