Post-first-date, what should i call and say.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2011 8:21 AM GMT
    I met this guy, at a club. I was swept off my feet when i met him. we had a really good time (we were drunk), i took his number and i texted him when i got home, and asked if he did got home too. he replied. the next day i texted him and asked him out, after waiting the whole day and sending another text he replies and says that he thought we clicked and agreed to go out for dinner.

    we went out for dinner, and i think it went well. but i did not ask him out again right then, because i was afraid id be too clingy.

    i like him so much, i dont wana screw this up. i dont wana text , first because i dont wana wait for the reply and second is cuz i like him so much that i wana call because its more personal.

    the problem is i dont know what i should say. i want another date, hell i want way more dates.

    please help! i wana call tomorrow, what time should i call, and what should i say. No room for error, i dont fall easily, and this guy made me fall.

    thnx
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Feb 28, 2011 1:03 PM GMT
    First, congrats on making a great connection. Now, relax a bit. I know you are anxious to do this right, but your anxiousness is likely to come across as a lack of confidence.

    So take a deep breath and realize that regardless of the outcome, you are doing what you need to do. If he's the right guy, it will work out and if he's not, it won't. Be ok with that and don't put the pressure and stress on yourself of "getting it right."

    That will allow you to relax and be more confident, which will come across in your words and your tone when you call him (which I agree is much better than texting).

    Have a natural conversation with him. Ask him how his day was, etc. like you would with any friend. I assume on your date, you had no trouble keeping the conversation going. So just build off what you already know. As you get into the conversation, just tell him that you enjoyed the other night and would like to get together again. And ask him if he would like to do the same. Then have an option or two ready to throw out. "You got any plans this weekend? How about Saturday night?"

    Have fun!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2011 1:21 PM GMT
    Ironman4U said Have a natural conversation with him. Ask him how his day was, etc. like you would with any friend.... As you get into the conversation, just tell him that you enjoyed the other night and would like to get together again. And ask him if he would like to do the same. Then have an option or two ready to throw out. "You got any plans this weekend? How about Saturday night?"


    This is so obvious it shouldn't need to be said. But the question gets asked all the time.
    Credits to the OP for realizing he needs to call, not text.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    Agree that a phone call is more appropriate vs. texting, email, etc. If you really like each other--and it appears to me that that's the case here--there's nothing wrong with telling him on the phone that you enjoyed your time with him and that you would like to see him again. The worst that could happen is he tells you he's not interested in pursuing this any further. Don't miss out on what could turn out to be a great experience by over-analyzing the situation. Nothing wrong with being honest with your feelings and intentions, but don't push it if you're getting a push back. Being transparent yet relaxed works best in my opinion.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Feb 28, 2011 4:10 PM GMT
    God how I hate this topic!!!!! The "speed limit" question, once again.

    I don't understand why all the damn road rules when the whole point is to feel the rush as you take that curve!

    I know that some guys need to be handled slowly, and carefully, and they act like they want to feel it, but you just have to 'romance' them carefully into the car and let them feel the rumble, adjust to the speed of things rather than going 0 to sixty in no time flat. But there you are, ready to put the pedal to the floor and take that curve like you owned it. Fucking tire-kicking Romeo's. I'm a buyer, not a browser, so they just confound the living crap out of me. I hate them, and I fall for them ALL the damn time.

    OP, you say you don't fall easily. Well, fall and feel the fall, dude! Stop grabbing for the ledges and take the plunge! Life is so fucking short that playing games and worrying about protocols prevents us over and over and over from actually being ourselves and finding someone who sees us as we are, not some well-rehearsed and carefully guarded version of us, only to find the real guy when you're too far down the road. Augh!!!!! Finally see what you like? MAKE AN OFFER! If they don't accept, walk away knowing you were not the right owner, and he was not the right fit.

    You know, all this talk of scaring guys off because you go too fast. But there you are, certain and willing and you have to hold yourself back, for what? Somebody who isn't up to the same level of ready and willing and able that you are? You don't want to look clingy? Really? If you have to guard against a guy being worried that you're "too much into him" he doesn't fucking deserve you to begin with. Period. Sure, he can say "okay, let's go slow, I'm into you, but a little scared when it goes fast" and you can listen and THEN respond. But if the "sale" goes on too long without him jumping in, he's not ever going to buy. He's just not.

    We constantly post about our longing for passion, affection, a guy to pay attention to us and crave and go mad and sweep us off our feet, or visa versa, so when it happens we suddenly start calculating and measuring and trying to determine our next move so we don't "scare him away." And the guy, who has posted the same "I wish I could have..." sits there and gets frightened when what he wants comes charging at him. Really? I don't know, just not my style I guess. If you are feeling it and he's spooked by that shit...dude, you're not going to change that, nobody is, and he's never going to connect with you in a way that matches your energy which is what you deserve.

    I agree, don't text, call. CALL HIM NOW! Tell him you had a great time, you know it's kinda' soon but he's so cool, so special you didn't want to wait. I'd like to get that call! Any sane man who's genuinely interested would love that call! For God's sake, fall in lust, fall in love, fall all over yourself. If it burns too fast, trust me it was NEVER going to burn slow and go any better! Doesn't happen!

    Feel something, do something, go for it. Life is not something you wait to have in hopes that it turns out better the longer you put it off! Please hear me, you can't POSSIBLY know how fast it goes, and to let ridiculous plotting and planning and egg-shell dancing hold back an aching heart is simply going to prevent you from risking something that one day will pay off - but you have to dive in an do it! You might get hurt. You'll get back up. You will. You can. Trust me.

    And to all the men who say "too much, too soon" and so we back off and then you say "hey, so what happened?" and act confused please note: WAKE THE FUCK UP! If you're in the game and at the plate waiting for the pitch, when the ball comes at you, swing! Because there is no walking the bases in life. Nada. Swing, damn it! And if you strike out, you'll be back up to bat soon enough. When the ball is coming at you - SWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    God, men are the most infuriating fuckers on the planet.....icon_evil.gif
    Okay, taking a pill and going back to my corner...sorry to rant (and torture more convoluted analogies than a romance novel) but I'm just seriously over speed limit dating. Really....Sorry...icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2011 4:50 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidGod how I hate this topic!!!!! The "speed limit" question, once again.

    I don't understand why all the damn road rules when the whole point is to feel the rush as you take that curve!

    I know that some guys need to be handled slowly, and carefully, and they act like they want to feel it, but you just have to 'romance' them carefully into the car and let them feel the rumble, adjust to the speed of things rather than going 0 to sixty in no time flat. But there you are, ready to put the pedal to the floor and take that curve like you owned it. Fucking tire-kicking Romeo's. I'm a buyer, not a browser, so they just confound the living crap out of me. I hate them, and I fall for them ALL the damn time.

    OP, you say you don't fall easily. Well, fall and feel the fall, dude! Stop grabbing for the ledges and take the plunge! Life is so fucking short that playing games and worrying about protocols prevents us over and over and over from actually being ourselves and finding someone who sees us as we are, not some well-rehearsed and carefully guarded version of us, only to find the real guy when you're too far down the road. Augh!!!!! Finally see what you like? MAKE AN OFFER! If they don't accept, walk away knowing you were not the right owner, and he was not the right fit.

    You know, all this talk of scaring guys off because you go too fast. But there you are, certain and willing and you have to hold yourself back, for what? Somebody who isn't up to the same level of ready and willing and able that you are? You don't want to look clingy? Really? If you have to guard against a guy being worried that you're "too much into him" he doesn't fucking deserve you to begin with. Period. Sure, he can say "okay, let's go slow, I'm into you, but a little scared when it goes fast" and you can listen and THEN respond. But if the "sale" goes on too long without him jumping in, he's not ever going to buy. He's just not.

    We constantly post about our longing for passion, affection, a guy to pay attention to us and crave and go mad and sweep us off our feet, or visa versa, so when it happens we suddenly start calculating and measuring and trying to determine our next move so we don't "scare him away." And the guy, who has posted the same "I wish I could have..." sits there and gets frightened when what he wants comes charging at him. Really? I don't know, just not my style I guess. If you are feeling it and he's spooked by that shit...dude, you're not going to change that, nobody is, and he's never going to connect with you in a way that matches your energy which is what you deserve.

    I agree, don't text, call. CALL HIM NOW! Tell him you had a great time, you know it's kinda' soon but he's so cool, so special you didn't want to wait. I'd like to get that call! Any sane man who's genuinely interested would love that call! For God's sake, fall in lust, fall in love, fall all over yourself. If it burns too fast, trust me it was NEVER going to burn slow and go any better! Doesn't happen!

    Feel something, do something, go for it. Life is not something you wait to have in hopes that it turns out better the longer you put it off! Please hear me, you can't POSSIBLY know how fast it goes, and to let ridiculous plotting and planning and egg-shell dancing hold back an aching heart is simply going to prevent you from risking something that one day will pay off - but you have to dive in an do it! You might get hurt. You'll get back up. You will. You can. Trust me.

    And to all the men who say "too much, too soon" and so we back off and then you say "hey, so what happened?" and act confused please note: WAKE THE FUCK UP! If you're in the game and at the plate waiting for the pitch, when the ball comes at you, swing! Because there is no walking the bases in life. Nada. Swing, damn it! And if you strike out, you'll be back up to bat soon enough. When the ball is coming at you - SWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    God, men are the most infuriating fuckers on the planet.....icon_evil.gif
    Okay, taking a pill and going back to my corner...sorry to rant (and torture more convoluted analogies than a romance novel) but I'm just seriously over speed limit dating. Really....Sorry...icon_redface.gif



    I LOVE YOU, MAN! There should be more of us "no-regrets, go-for-it" guys--if there were, this would be a happier place.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    romeoi said
    please help! i wana call tomorrow, what time should i call, and what should i say. No room for error


    You already messed up. If the date is going well and you like him you should make a plan to go on another date before the date is over. Sorry, the relationship is doomed now icon_rolleyes.gif

    If you like him, call him. If you only kind of like him (and have nothing better to do) then wait a few days before calling him. At least that's how it will appear if you wait before calling him. As far as the time, pick a time when you both will have time to talk.

    You don't need a script to call a guy you like. If you really do, then you're in trouble. You already went out on a date. You should have some idea about this guy and what he likes. Talk to him about that.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 28, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    Ermine said
    romeoi said
    please help! i wana call tomorrow, what time should i call, and what should i say. No room for error


    You already messed up. If the date is going well and you like him you should make a plan to go on another date before the date is over. Sorry, the relationship is doomed now icon_rolleyes.gif



    Then based on your first statement, the OP should basically quit and stick his head in the sand.... and this thread should be over as well.....

    Not quite.. every relationship is different. I can tell you my partner and I didn't plan anything on each date.. for the next one. Of course my bf didn't
    know what hit him after our second date...LOL.

    My suggestion is that romeoi call the guy, chat with him a bit and let him know he enjoyed the date and would like to see him again. If the guy romeoi
    is dating asks "why didn't we plan something when we were out", I think
    the truth is key. "I didn't want to push it and to give you a little space"... and it certainly is honest. If things still go well, I doubt if there will be any
    delay in making plans to get together again.

    Good luck romeoi.. make it happen!

  • Feb 28, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    Yeah, I agree with MuscleComeBack that it's silly that you can't just tell someone you like them when you first meet them and are getting to know them. I mean--yeah, no one likes a clingy dude (or chick)...but when both dudes like each other, they shouldn't have to front and keep up pretenses. Just say you like each other, and see if it's a long-term match...life IS too short and we're 30, then 40, then 50 before we know it...You should be able to spend as much time as possible with the person that makes you whole and makes you happy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2011 9:06 PM GMT
    Call him. If he's not busy, ask how he is. The rest will go. The waiting is stupid.

    You shouldnt text though. Many stories i've heard have sad endings involved in texting..


    Good luck and keep us posted. Im always nosy for real romantic stories.. =)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2011 9:10 PM GMT
    ddt8665 saidCall him. If he's not busy, ask how he is. The rest will go. The waiting is stupid.

    You shouldnt text though. Many stories i've heard have sad endings involved in texting..


    Good luck and keep us posted. Im always nosy for real romantic stories.. =)


    I have had success getting a txt after a first date, especially if it is day of. There really isnt a general rule, if it has been a day or two afterwords give him a call though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    Thank you all for your replies.

    This is how it went:

    I called him, he declined the call, and 40 mins later texted me saying sorry he was in class and asked how I was doing.

    I replied with, " oh sorry, Im on my way to pick up my father from the airport, how was your day?."

    It's been an hour, he didn't reply. He usually takes long to reply to txt and when i checked his profile on Facebook, some of his friends asked y he needs 24 hours to reply to txt. I just dont understand why it takes so long to reply , specially that I replied right away , surely he didn't just get busy right after he texted me.

    These are the to options I had in store for him: Paint-balling on saturday, or coffee/lunch.

    I know I should hang on till he replies. I just want to know, should I leave it for texting and ask him out again VIA a text , or should I wrap up the text and call tomorrow?

    I want to think he is playing hard-to-get, until he tells me or makes it really clear that he doesn't want to pursue the relationship any further.
    To a limit, I kinda enjoy working hard for a guy.

    Thankyou guys again for everything.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    awww this is such a cute thread. you're like going through the same thought process as almost everyone at one point in time. i wanna know what happens. keep posting updates.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2011 2:59 AM GMT
    romeoi saidThank you all for your replies.

    This is how it went:

    I called him, he declined the call, and 40 mins later texted me saying sorry he was in class and asked how I was doing.

    I replied with, " oh sorry, Im on my way to pick up my father from the airport, how was your day?."

    It's been an hour, he didn't reply. He usually takes long to reply to txt and when i checked his profile on Facebook, some of his friends asked y he needs 24 hours to reply to txt. I just dont understand why it takes so long to reply , specially that I replied right away , surely he didn't just get busy right after he texted me.

    These are the to options I had in store for him: Paint-balling on saturday, or coffee/lunch.

    I know I should hang on till he replies. I just want to know, should I leave it for texting and ask him out again VIA a text , or should I wrap up the text and call tomorrow?

    I want to think he is playing hard-to-get, until he tells me or makes it really clear that he doesn't want to pursue the relationship any further.
    To a limit, I kinda enjoy working hard for a guy.

    Thankyou guys again for everything.





    My honest opinion??? Here it is: It's NOT going to work, mostly from the way you are acting AND the way he is acting. I have a pretty good instinct on people and my guts are telling me it's not going to work out between you two. 95% of the time, following my guts instinct prove to be right. Period! Go ahead, prove me wrong, make that guy your boyfriend and let me know I was dead wrong.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    Ermine said
    romeoi said
    please help! i wana call tomorrow, what time should i call, and what should i say. No room for error


    You already messed up. If the date is going well and you like him you should make a plan to go on another date before the date is over. Sorry, the relationship is doomed now icon_rolleyes.gif



    Then based on your first statement, the OP should basically quit and stick his head in the sand.... and this thread should be over as well.....


    Yes, I replied to the OP's request. He said there was "no room for error." Ideally, you make a plan to go out again if the date went well.

    I was sarcastic in my tone because I was shocked by the OP. Do you think that if he didn't say the right phrase or call the date at the right time, that would be the difference between a second date and not seeing the guy again?
    I think it's ridiculous to think that his date is like a lock that needs the right code given at the proper time in order to crack.


    To romeoi, since you didn't make it clear, let him know that you enjoyed your date and would like to go out with him again. Some guys are amazingly oblivious. Give him some time to call you back.
    If you don't hear from him in a few days, then call him again to make plans.

    Talking to him is always better than texting him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    I always rush in to relationships, and they always run out of steam after a few weeks, because I didn't take the time to really get to KNOW the guy before we became instant boyfriends.

    So, yes, do call the guy and have a second date. But don't rush into a relationship.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Mar 01, 2011 3:39 AM GMT
    Call tomorrow and if you get his voice mail...just say, "Wanted to talk to you, give me a call."
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Mar 01, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    My advice is don't call him and tell him that your madly in love with him icon_biggrin.gif. Otherwise good luck.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 01, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    ok first of all congrats to meeting someone special to you. however, stop being such a girl and text the guy. jeeze, just tell him you had a good time and would like to go out again one day this week or weekend. hell what's the worst he can say or do to you. i am sorry for being abrasive but just being honest. good luck and i hope it works out
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2011 4:07 AM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidGod how I hate this topic!!!!! The "speed limit" question, once again.

    I don't understand why all the damn road rules when the whole point is to feel the rush as you take that curve!



    I love this answer!!! However it only works if they are both into each other, otherwise it will be the curve of death

    My boyfriend called me the very first night we went out after he got home and spent the nite talking to each other until very late.

    He called the very next day asking if we could have lunch together (needless to say he had me at hello) It was so nice because I asked him out the first time so it kind of took the edge off and let me know he was interested.

    Do it, asked him again, enough time has passed so you dont seem SOOO into him, as you obviosly are, but be ready, the waiting a whole day to answer a text is not that good of a sign
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Mar 02, 2011 11:21 AM GMT
    Listen to Muscle Come Back, he knows. I'd trust him!

    Peace,
    Bardy
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Mar 02, 2011 4:07 PM GMT
    Thanks Bardy. Don't know what I know, 'cept I miss you guys.

    OP, call. Leave a great message like "you're tough to reach, so here's the story, I want lunch or better yet lunch and paintball. How's Sat? I'm holding fir you until I hear back. Later!" seduce with voice, be confident, say what you want and stop wondering. If he's smart, and not a startled stray, he'll call. If not, he's not got what it takes to deserve and keep you.

    Stop texting and start connecting!!!! You can't fuck a smart phone! (...yet)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 03, 2011 12:57 AM GMT
    We need more of these threads lol. so cute and hopeful.


    Anyway, bottom line of all the lessons learned is that we should all call instead of TEXTING. I totally agree. =)

    I also think that if you cant reach him and have leave a voicemail, thats an advantage because now you can say whatever you want AND he's the one who has to call you back. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 03, 2011 1:06 AM GMT
    In my honest opinion, the OP needs to snap out of it. To me, he's already heading the wrong direction by worrying so much instead of letting everything fall into place. It comes across as needy and that's unattractive. In retrospect, OP you need that confidence and security within yourself first before you begin a relationship, so snap out of it before you scare him off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 03, 2011 1:18 AM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidGod how I hate this topic!!!!! The "speed limit" question, once again.

    I don't understand why all the damn road rules when the whole point is to feel the rush as you take that curve!

    I know that some guys need to be handled slowly, and carefully, and they act like they want to feel it, but you just have to 'romance' them carefully into the car and let them feel the rumble, adjust to the speed of things rather than going 0 to sixty in no time flat. But there you are, ready to put the pedal to the floor and take that curve like you owned it. Fucking tire-kicking Romeo's. I'm a buyer, not a browser, so they just confound the living crap out of me. I hate them, and I fall for them ALL the damn time.

    OP, you say you don't fall easily. Well, fall and feel the fall, dude! Stop grabbing for the ledges and take the plunge! Life is so fucking short that playing games and worrying about protocols prevents us over and over and over from actually being ourselves and finding someone who sees us as we are, not some well-rehearsed and carefully guarded version of us, only to find the real guy when you're too far down the road. Augh!!!!! Finally see what you like? MAKE AN OFFER! If they don't accept, walk away knowing you were not the right owner, and he was not the right fit.

    You know, all this talk of scaring guys off because you go too fast. But there you are, certain and willing and you have to hold yourself back, for what? Somebody who isn't up to the same level of ready and willing and able that you are? You don't want to look clingy? Really? If you have to guard against a guy being worried that you're "too much into him" he doesn't fucking deserve you to begin with. Period. Sure, he can say "okay, let's go slow, I'm into you, but a little scared when it goes fast" and you can listen and THEN respond. But if the "sale" goes on too long without him jumping in, he's not ever going to buy. He's just not.

    We constantly post about our longing for passion, affection, a guy to pay attention to us and crave and go mad and sweep us off our feet, or visa versa, so when it happens we suddenly start calculating and measuring and trying to determine our next move so we don't "scare him away." And the guy, who has posted the same "I wish I could have..." sits there and gets frightened when what he wants comes charging at him. Really? I don't know, just not my style I guess. If you are feeling it and he's spooked by that shit...dude, you're not going to change that, nobody is, and he's never going to connect with you in a way that matches your energy which is what you deserve.

    I agree, don't text, call. CALL HIM NOW! Tell him you had a great time, you know it's kinda' soon but he's so cool, so special you didn't want to wait. I'd like to get that call! Any sane man who's genuinely interested would love that call! For God's sake, fall in lust, fall in love, fall all over yourself. If it burns too fast, trust me it was NEVER going to burn slow and go any better! Doesn't happen!

    Feel something, do something, go for it. Life is not something you wait to have in hopes that it turns out better the longer you put it off! Please hear me, you can't POSSIBLY know how fast it goes, and to let ridiculous plotting and planning and egg-shell dancing hold back an aching heart is simply going to prevent you from risking something that one day will pay off - but you have to dive in an do it! You might get hurt. You'll get back up. You will. You can. Trust me.

    And to all the men who say "too much, too soon" and so we back off and then you say "hey, so what happened?" and act confused please note: WAKE THE FUCK UP! If you're in the game and at the plate waiting for the pitch, when the ball comes at you, swing! Because there is no walking the bases in life. Nada. Swing, damn it! And if you strike out, you'll be back up to bat soon enough. When the ball is coming at you - SWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    God, men are the most infuriating fuckers on the planet.....icon_evil.gif
    Okay, taking a pill and going back to my corner...sorry to rant (and torture more convoluted analogies than a romance novel) but I'm just seriously over speed limit dating. Really....Sorry...icon_redface.gif


    this is the most amazing thing ive ever read, and it couldnt have come in to my life at a better time.. i did the same and wound up hurt, but i dont regret it, my feelings are intense, im sad it didnt work out, but i cant change him, and i need to move forward..