coming out of the closet ?

  • d_1M

    Posts: 598

    Mar 02, 2011 6:48 AM GMT
    should there be an age limit to do it since its supousto be for having a life of freedom and to express yourself for a life of acceptance?

    i think at 45 you already lived a life whatever you wanted to and what diference does it make after you are indipendent and free to do whatever you want to let people know what you do indoors or in your bed.

    i like to know what you guys think.


    im not judging any one or anybody at all.
  • d_1M

    Posts: 598

    Mar 02, 2011 8:59 AM GMT
    oh i forget to mention im not out and i dont think ill ever be.
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    Mar 02, 2011 9:29 AM GMT
    No I definitely do not think there should be an age limit. People who are unfortunately unable to come out may have valid reasons other than "Oh I don't feel like it" -> Which is actually enough of a reason to be honest.

    Alot of factors in the equation...

    Is your family supportive or not?
    Is your work environment going to change if you are openly gay?
    Do you plan on getting kids later on?
    Are you able to put on a thick skin when necessary?



    I came out when I was in grade 9 (14 years old) and the whole school knew. I regret it because my parents beat me, kicked me out of the house for five days (had to sleep over at my friends house) and told me they would disown me as soon as I turned 18.

    What ended up happening is that they took me back in on one condition:

    "You have to be straight again." and so I told them I was straight again and because they believe gay/straight is a switch, they allowed me to live with them. Now that I am in University and I am living on my own, I can be openly gay and talk with people without having to worry about the consequences that would've been present many years ago.


    Bottom line, I think it depends on your scenario.

    If someone is 50 and gay but decide to come out at 60, sure! let them! At least they have met that comfortable level.
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Mar 02, 2011 11:03 AM GMT
    Isn't it sad that we have to a moment we label "coming out?" Wouldn't it be nice that you can just be what you wanted--and not have to worry about it? Alas, society is different then the ideal.

    Come out when you're damn good and ready. Never you mind about the who, what, where, when, why.

    Just be.

    And what can we do to help the process?

    Peace,
    Bardy
  • Profire

    Posts: 224

    Mar 02, 2011 11:45 AM GMT
    D_1M said

    i think at 45 you already lived a life whatever you wanted to.....


    Mid 40's is not the end of life.
    Note: I am 41 years old.

    We still have dreams, goals, ambitions, fears, concerns, etc.

    If someone is married, concerned what their kids may say/do, will they be fired at work, will they lose their friends, will they be ostracized in public, do they live in a city that is accepting or in a town that is homophobic, etc, make the decision to come out very personal and difficult.



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    Mar 02, 2011 12:02 PM GMT
    D_1M saidi think at 45 you already lived a life whatever you wanted to
    Are you sure you're not 16?

    I'm gonna have to go with Profire on this one. I'm 21 and I'm still just a kid.
    Life ain't over 'til it's over, which is hopefully well past the age of 80. At 45 you've lived just half of your life, and that time in your life can be extremely stressful, not all people may be able to just say "fuck it i'm just gonna come out".

    Similar to mohammed, I came out at 14. The difference for me is that my parents were immediately accepting of it and have supported me fully in all aspects of my life.
    Since I came out at the beginning of high school, all the friends I made there knew about me and I've never had to hide it since.

    I'm extremely lucky to live in a society that accepts people as they are and does not discriminate. Of course there are always a few homophobic assholes out there, but once you've dealt with them enough you develop the courage and wit to sass them right back.

    Anyways, my point being that I agree that coming out should not be limited by age. It should only be limited by the personal level of comfort that someone has in doing it.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Mar 02, 2011 12:33 PM GMT
    mate, it is never too late to express and speak your truth, better late than never. i think it takes a lot of balls and courage to live a life thats not real, so i think its about time you spoke up and stood out and said to yourself and everyone around you: im gay so what! and theres nothing wrong with being gay, people who love you will continue to do so.
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    Mar 02, 2011 12:54 PM GMT
    I would recommend reading the book by Joe Kort...10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives. There is a chapter dedicated on the subject of coming out and the effects of such. Joe Kort is a psychotherapist dedicated to gay men and their mental health.
    J
  • manrobin

    Posts: 8

    Mar 02, 2011 2:04 PM GMT
    i just told my sister that i am a gay several weeks ago. Before that i think maybe it will never happen.That moment ,before that i feel desperate, but after tell my sister, it sounds good. my sister understand me.
    but i didn't told my parents yet. i think it's difficult for them to accept this. just step by step.
    God bless us.
  • BeerIsYummy

    Posts: 65

    Mar 02, 2011 4:49 PM GMT
    It's never too late. My dad didn't come out of the closet until his late 40s. Now he's in a great relationship with a wonderful guy. It would have been a shame if he'd just stayed in the closet because he thought it was too late to do anything about it.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Mar 02, 2011 7:02 PM GMT
    Important distinction: there are really two sides to coming out; an external and an internal. The internal, self honesty and acceptance, is by far the more important, and isn't limited by age.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Mar 02, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    I started coming out at 21, but it was only because I was really realizing that my sexuality wasnt "changing" as I told myself it could when I was younger in my teens. I really started imagining telling my friends and them being cool with it and actually liking having a gay friend. So I started then telling friends that I only trusted.......

    If I didnt have anyone I trusted or had a bad family or been training to be a pro athlete then Im not sure if I may have continued keeping a secret

    It really depends on your situation and how you feel about it.....I really dont like these guys like Perez Hilton that feel they need to push people out the closet. Its not fair to do that, and everyone is ready at different personal stages of their life
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Mar 02, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    starboard5 saidImportant distinction: there are really two sides to coming out; an external and an internal. The internal, self honesty and acceptance, is by far the more important, and isn't limited by age.


    YES! Definately still dealing with internal acceptance
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    Mar 02, 2011 7:13 PM GMT
    ChilaxinJOCK09 saidI really dont like these guys like Perez Hilton that feel they need to push people out the closet. Its not fair to do that, and everyone is ready at different personal stages of their life


    The only ones I feel deserved to be pushed out are the anti-gay ones... all the others should be left alone and be allowed to come out when they're ready.
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    Mar 02, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    If you feel you can live comfortably harboring a secretive lifestyle then by all means. But i question whether any form of happiness can be reached through contradiction. Maybe some day you'll arrive at the point where you just don't give a fuck what people think about you and your sexual preference. That's what happen to my ex whom is 41, former model and now High School teacher. He tried to live discreetly about his sexuality, and when i asked him if he was out or not when first getting to know him he said: "Now I'm to old to give a fuck what people think of me." LOL
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    Mar 02, 2011 7:23 PM GMT
    mohammed250 saidNo I definitely do not think there should be an age limit. People who are unfortunately unable to come out may have valid reasons other than "Oh I don't feel like it" -> Which is actually enough of a reason to be honest.

    Alot of factors in the equation...

    Is your family supportive or not?
    Is your work environment going to change if you are openly gay?
    Do you plan on getting kids later on?
    Are you able to put on a thick skin when necessary?



    I came out when I was in grade 9 (14 years old) and the whole school knew. I regret it because my parents beat me, kicked me out of the house for five days (had to sleep over at my friends house) and told me they would disown me as soon as I turned 18.

    What ended up happening is that they took me back in on one condition:

    "You have to be straight again." and so I told them I was straight again and because they believe gay/straight is a switch, they allowed me to live with them. Now that I am in University and I am living on my own, I can be openly gay and talk with people without having to worry about the consequences that would've been present many years ago.


    Bottom line, I think it depends on your scenario.

    If someone is 50 and gay but decide to come out at 60, sure! let them! At least they have met that comfortable level.



    That's pretty brave of what you did and there will always be a stigma. I'm not open as a bi sexual although my close confidants know my orientation. My folks (and siblings) have pretty much made it clear that they are not tolerant with the LGBT community...
    So until I know I am in clear and away from any family contact, I can then live the life how I envision it to be...

    Which is a lot harder than it sounds, especially in a Muslim community.
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    Mar 02, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    Does anyone else think it's ironic that a man who's not out and says he's probably never come out is telling others the right way/time to come out?
    Something like the pope preaching about marriage and sex.

    If you want to live honestly (to yourself, with others), then it's never too late to come out. Each person has his own path in life, and because someone doesn't come out til later in life doesn't mean that he just shouldn't. I have no fantasy about life being over at 45.
    A man may be more set in his ways as he gets older, but he can still strive to grow and live life.
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    Mar 02, 2011 8:43 PM GMT
    Oh crap.

    And here I am...45 and only in the last year have I been enjoying men.

    Had no idea the buzzer rang.
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    Mar 02, 2011 8:58 PM GMT
    moscowmikey saidOh crap.And here I am...45 and only in the last year have I been enjoying men.
    Had no idea the buzzer rang.

    Zip it up buddy, you're time is up! LOL
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    Mar 02, 2011 9:08 PM GMT
    D_1M saidshould there be an age limit to do it since its supousto be for having a life of freedom and to express yourself for a life of acceptance?
    i think at 45 you already lived a life whatever you wanted to and what diference does it make after you are indipendent and free to do whatever you want to let people know what you do indoors or in your bed.
    I think this is an incredibly shallow statement. First you need to realize that 'life of freedom' is NOT the same as a 'lifetime of freedom'.

    There are many reasons that guys come out later in life and I would have thought that someone your age would recognize that. Younger guys have a different view/understanding/knowledge of homosexuality than older guys, many of whom made decisions based not on how they felt or who they were but on acceptance to the norm of society. Fortunately for all, young and old, that norm has changed and society, although not completely, is more accepting of being gay and everyone, including older guys, have more of an opportunity to live without being condemned.

    I too find it odd that a man who isn't out and doesn't 'think' he'll ever come out has his pictures posted on an openly gay website as well as active participation in the forum. I wish I had a crystal ball to see how long you live your life as a 'str8 man' before you realize that living the life of who you are is truly living a 'life of freedom' regardless of how old you are.
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    Mar 02, 2011 9:48 PM GMT
    There IS an age limit on coming out...it's called the age of death.
    As long as you come out before that age, you'll be just fine. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 02, 2011 10:10 PM GMT
    speaking as a guy under 30 myself, I think all those old creepy guys should either stay in the closet or be cured and turned straight............Keithicon_rolleyes.gif
  • d_1M

    Posts: 598

    Mar 03, 2011 8:11 PM GMT
    Homowardbound saidspeaking as a guy under 30 myself, I think all those old creepy guys should either stay in the closet or be cured and turned straight............Keithicon_rolleyes.gif



    this was no creep police, its about coming out regardless of your looks more like what difference does it make when any way you do whatever you want and even when you care what people says
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    Mar 04, 2011 7:43 AM GMT
    Dont come out.. too much fun in the closet
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    Mar 04, 2011 7:55 AM GMT
    D_1M said
    Homowardbound saidspeaking as a guy under 30 myself, I think all those old creepy guys should either stay in the closet or be cured and turned straight............Keithicon_rolleyes.gif



    this was no creep police, its about coming out regardless of your looks more like what difference does it make when any way you do whatever you want and even when you care what people says


    icon_question.gificon_question.gif somehow something got lost in translation..............