how stupid

  • trl_

    Posts: 994

    Mar 03, 2011 8:03 AM GMT
    i was reading an article about gay dating and this was one of the suggested tactics which i thought was ridiculous:

    "Since compliments (“I love your smile!”) give away your attraction, throw them in the dust bin with the pick-up lines. Instead, learn to neg. Negging is the art of giving a half-compliment, setting up a dissonance in your pick-up target. Examples: “I love your smile— are you wearing braces?” “That’s a nice shirt— did you get it at the outlet mall?” “I’ve never seen hair like that before.” The neg should always sound friendly and positive and only subliminally be insulting. Negsexcite your subject by sending contradictory signals spinning in his brain and creating excitement he will be intrigued to resolve."

    back handed compliments....really?
    what the hell ever happened to honesty and being genuine?!
    or does that seem too desperate?
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    Mar 03, 2011 8:42 AM GMT
    Personally I wouldn't follow that advice and if anyone did that to me they wouldn't get to deliver a second "compliment"

    I'm sorry but I'm an idiot and a dork, if you say I got a nice smile I'll like that. If you said "you have a nice smile are those braces" I wouldn't be smiling at you.
  • Chackers

    Posts: 149

    Mar 03, 2011 11:41 AM GMT
    I think i'll leave the back handed compliments to my mother thanks icon_razz.gif
  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Mar 03, 2011 11:44 AM GMT
    You'd be surprised, I know people who solely converse with insults. Didn't spend too much time with them or I'd end up bulimic
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    Mar 03, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    Just the other day I saw an episode of Ugly Betty about how any guy can pick up a girl using such back handed compliments. So I guess same goes for a lot of gay guys.
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    Mar 03, 2011 12:32 PM GMT
    I dont think this would work. Wouldn't work on me anyways
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2011 1:03 PM GMT
    Doesn't sound like something very nice.

    Me and my close friends occasionally insult each other for the odd laugh. These would come in handy there but not in a relationship.
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    Mar 03, 2011 1:39 PM GMT
    Don't understand why some people feel the need to make things complicated.
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    Mar 03, 2011 4:10 PM GMT

    lol, some guys like things mean. I've never seen two people engaged in this type of behaviour last long together, though there must be some out there.

    -Doug
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 03, 2011 4:15 PM GMT
    i think this is the most ridiculous advice i have ever heard. i can't imagine being happy comments like that. as a matter of a fact. i would probably be more incline to cuss you out or maybe even throw a drink in your face.
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    Mar 03, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    I'd rather like to see a link citation of the article mentioned in the OP. Only to send the writer of said article a simple email that reads "Hi, you're an idiot."
  • rf_dal

    Posts: 380

    Mar 03, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    Crescendo saidDon't understand why some people feel the need to make things complicated.


    This. I'd just think they were rude as hell and move on. wtf?
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    Mar 03, 2011 4:58 PM GMT
    I have heard that before. Honestly they are playing into the whole idea that if you treat a guy like crap, they will want you more. If someone said "well I've never seen hair like that before" I would 1) think he is retarded and not want to get involved with an idiot and 2) get into fight mode and probably return a dickhead comment right back to him.
  • MagillaNectar

    Posts: 72

    Mar 03, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    I think some guys truly believe that a relationship is supposed to be either dominate or be dominated which isn't healthy in a psychological sort of way for either individual. So yea, that's bad advice unless you want a bad relationship.
  • madhatter131

    Posts: 38

    Mar 03, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    "Well, normally I am not attracted to someone with that pale of a skin tone, but on you, it works!" If someone told me that, I'd politely ask if they wanted to buy me a drink, take the drink, and ignore them. Mostly, because you deserve it for being ignorant.

    Say something nice. Or better yet, ask me questions about myself and show you have an appreciation for humor.

    The negative compliment is not a great tool. (...at least if you want to get to know me or some other folks who posted here).
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 03, 2011 5:15 PM GMT
    If somebody paid me a compliment about my shirt, then asked if it came from an outlet mall probably would be a real turn off as well as some of the other comments you listed. Who cares if the shirt came from an outlet mall, the internet or Goldman Sacs?

    Being genuine is always the best policy.
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    Mar 03, 2011 5:28 PM GMT
    Maybe I missed something, but I didn't really see those comments as negative.

    1) "I like your smile- are those braces?" Thank you. I've had braces twice. Had really crooked teeth when I was a kid but braces helped. Thanks for noticing.

    2) "I like your shirt. Did it come from an outlet?" Thanks for the compliment. Yes I did buy the shirt at an outlet mall. There is a really nice outlet mall not far from my house. I like to go there on occasion and find some good deals.

    3) "I've never seen hair like that before." Thanks. I like to be unique.

    What's the problem here?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    fizzle saidi was reading an article about gay dating and this was one of the suggested tactics which i thought was ridiculous:

    "Since compliments (“I love your smile!”) give away your attraction, throw them in the dust bin with the pick-up lines. Instead, learn to neg. Negging is the art of giving a half-compliment, setting up a dissonance in your pick-up target. Examples: “I love your smile— are you wearing braces?” “That’s a nice shirt— did you get it at the outlet mall?” “I’ve never seen hair like that before.” The neg should always sound friendly and positive and only subliminally be insulting. Negsexcite your subject by sending contradictory signals spinning in his brain and creating excitement he will be intrigued to resolve."

    back handed compliments....really?
    what the hell ever happened to honesty and being genuine?!
    or does that seem too desperate?



    Oh yes, this would certainly make me want for more, there is a kind of beautiful arrogance to those comments and overreacting to them would show a complete lack of humour and possibly even intellect.

    :-)
  • rf_dal

    Posts: 380

    Mar 03, 2011 5:32 PM GMT
    I don't think the problem is the specific examples so much as the fact that you're purposefully trying to be rude.
  • DCguy2001

    Posts: 314

    Mar 03, 2011 5:35 PM GMT
    cold saidThis thread is really funny, did you think of it all by yourself?


    LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2011 5:40 PM GMT
    Crescendo saidDon't understand why some people feel the need to make things complicated.


    DITTO.
  • tituspullo197...

    Posts: 203

    Mar 03, 2011 6:19 PM GMT
    i love the post right above mine regarding the low-end/high-volume vs high-end/low-volume mentality. back-handed compliments are appropriate within an established relationship where the ribbing is give and take, but not really appropriate for approaching strangers, especially if you're looking to make a meaningful connection.

    my guess is that the only people who would be attracted to that sort of come-on would be somebody who is more interested in the cat-and-mouse aspect of chasing tail than in being in a stable, respectful, loving relationship... might make for fun in the sack, but highly unlikely to withstand any sort of sustainable connection: he'd always be looking for the same sort of one-upmanship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2011 6:22 PM GMT
    That is hands down the WORST advice ever!! I suppose if you're going after easy prey, or wounded targets (i.e. low self esteem, recently bad break up-ee, someone feeling fat that day) then sure go for it, they'll probably take the bait. However, if you used that on some one with confidence, you would probably get an ear full of what a douchebag you are. If you used that on someone of Irish decent or who enjoys drinking.... you'd probably get punched then laughed at
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    Mar 03, 2011 7:17 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidPersonally I wouldn't follow that advice and if anyone did that to me they wouldn't get to deliver a second "compliment"

    I'm sorry but I'm an idiot and a dork, if you say I got a nice smile I'll like that. If you said "you have a nice smile are those braces" I wouldn't be smiling at you.
    I'm with lilTanker on this one. Compliments are very welcoming, intentional slights or 'negging' as they refer to them, are a turn off and honestly, in my opinion, will make you look like an ass and cost you any chance of getting to know the person intimately (as friends or more).
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Mar 03, 2011 7:18 PM GMT
    icon_neutral.gif What the hell are you reading?!