Sad and confused...we care for each other but....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    I've posted once before. (Just search my name for the previous post if you're interested). I was looking for advice on what do do about the guy I fell for. I'm 30. He's 26. We became fast friends last summer...with flirtatious undertones. He came out to me as "bi-curious"...and I was the first person he's ever told. He's very closeted and confused as to who he is. He became distant recently. I sensed it was interest in another girl. I was right. But he also has interest in another guy. He told me about his friendship with this guy (a well-known gay man who's made national headlines in the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell debate). He stated they were friends and considered him a "gay role model" This guy is out and proud. My guy is anything but. So I tried to thing about it too much...although I told him I was jealous. We ended up talking about it and admitting that we had feelings for each other. Then we finally hooked up. It was amazing. Much more emotionally charged than I thought it would be. Things were slightly awkward afterward, but not too much. In the next week, there were some sexting sessions. During one of these I told him I should just come over to his house. He was reluctant. I asked why. We ended up talking on the phone. He basically asked me to be his fuck buddy. I said I needed more than that. I cried. He cried. I know he cares for me on some level...but he made it clear he didn't want the added emotional attachment. He admitted he wouldn't hesitate to be physical with his new friend if the opportunity arose. It was a heart-wrenching conversation with him sobbing and wondering if our friendship was forever fucked up. I said no...although I'm not sure I believe it. I told him that I had grown to like him too much...and that I was sorry for that. I felt relieved. I felt unburdened. I felt good.

    But now I don't. I don't know what to do about him. He has given me the cold shoulder since this conversation. I tried to talk to him again. He said he didn't want to. I've had a few courtesy texts...but that's it.

    Here's the deal. I KNOW he can't give me what I want. I KNOW I need to move on. I KNOW I said the right thing. But I'm not sure how to do that. Part of me wishes I didn't say what I did...as if we shared more time together, he'd feel differently. Part of me wants to "at least try" being his friend. Part of me wants to disappear completely. I am frustrated at his lack of talking to me. That's how I sort through things so it's paralyzing for me not to talk about it.

    It's hard. It's really hard. I've honestly never felt this way before. I know others have and I'm looking for advice and comfort. While there were always flirtatious undertones to our friendship, we were still great friends. We shared everything with each other. We talked all the time. This went on for 6 months. So naturally, I miss the friendship.

    I also know he's going through a lot. He's new to all of this and I understand. I even believe in sexual exploration. We've all done it. He needs it too. So I'm not angry with him.

    But I am confused as to where I go from here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2011 3:13 PM GMT
    He doesn't want what you want, my friend, and you'lll never find what you want as long as you hang on to this situation. Think about what you want. Think about what you would do for you if you were a best friend watching this happen to you. Another way is imagining this happening to a relative you love.

    What advice would you give?

    -Doug