So date number five...and Mom says, ....

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    Mar 06, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    I met this guy a few weeks ago. We quickly struck up conversation about music; He's getting a doctorate in conducting, and I have my undergrad in music theory/comp. So we got along instantly.

    As the night progressed he came to my place and we still discussed topics of Beethoven sonatas and related them to the Symphonies while we played duets on my piano. Since then, last night was date number five.

    He made me dinner, we watched a movie, had great conversation, and went to bed (we haven't had sex).

    He doesn't identify with being attracted to male or female. He explained to me last weekend that he is incredibly attracted to my androgyny though. That apparently I can go anywhere and be stared at by both genders, and I don't care.

    The good thing is that we have been very upfront with the fact that we aren't looking for a relationship; we simply enjoy each other's time and affection.

    Then, I tell my Mom about it. She started crying and told me that when I was born I was born physically as a male, but she has never thought of me as male nor female.

    What would YOU think about all this?
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    Mar 06, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    I am confused. You mean you are inter-sex physicality
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Mar 06, 2011 1:25 AM GMT


    I don't think she meant anything about it. Considering that you're dating seriously for the first time, she was probably thinking that she never thought of you as dating anyone and that is what she meant by the gender comment.
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    Mar 06, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    I wouldn't worry much about it. Some parents get all emotional when their "little boy" or "little girl" starts dating someone. Who knows why?

    If you are enjoying the company and time you share with this guy, then go for it. Keep seeing each other and see where things go. The two of you sound like a good match, btw.
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    Mar 06, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    hauptstimme said As the night progressed he came to my place and we still discussed topics of Beethoven sonatas and related them to the Symphonies while we played duets on my piano. Since then, last night was date number five.
    He made me dinner, we watched a movie, had great conversation, and went to bed (we haven't had sex).

    I hate to tell you this but I think it's doomed.
    It sounds uncannily like this date I had in my student days in Boston. It started romantically when he dropped a note with his number on my table in a restaurant. Then we met for dinner and drinks in his Back Bay apartment whose focal point was a grand piano. He could and did play from memory anything I asked, up to and including the complete Schumann piano concerto. i thought I might be in love.
    Unfortunately he was the worst sex of all time.
    I hope there isn't a causal connection.
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    Mar 06, 2011 3:56 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    hauptstimme said As the night progressed he came to my place and we still discussed topics of Beethoven sonatas and related them to the Symphonies while we played duets on my piano. Since then, last night was date number five.
    He made me dinner, we watched a movie, had great conversation, and went to bed (we haven't had sex).

    I hate to tell you this but I think it's doomed.
    It sounds uncannily like this date I had in my student days in Boston. It started romantically when he dropped a note with his number on my table in a restaurant. Then we met for dinner and drinks in his Back Bay apartment whose focal point was a grand piano. He could and did play from memory anything I asked, up to and including the complete Schumann piano concerto. i thought I might be in love.
    Unfortunately he was the worst sex of all time.
    I hope there isn't a causal connection.


    Exactly. I'm not some stupid hopeless romantic. I spent my twenties in two long term relationships. If anything he might become a good friend. He's not very open about his sexuality; I'm not very okay with that.

    What bugs me is what my Mom said.
  • iowaguy000

    Posts: 62

    Mar 06, 2011 4:26 AM GMT
    Did she ask you if you were the man or woman in the relationship?
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    Mar 06, 2011 4:37 AM GMT
    iowaguy000 saidDid she ask you if you were the man or woman in the relationship?


    No, she knows me oh so well.

    BTW> she did get a prescription to medical marijuana and has been getting high all the time. It's weird.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Mar 06, 2011 4:40 AM GMT
    I think you're an attractive person. Period. If you don't have any issues with who you are, then don't worry about it. My mother turns 75 years old this year. I love her dearly, but she was born in pre-WW II Germany. And though not a stupid woman by any means, she's not highly educated. And in some cases has a very ignorant understanding of things, particularly when it comes to science, even after having lived for decades in the US and exposed to great advances in science and technology. I know there are subjects that she just doesn't grasp and I let her voice her viewpoints, but they often have little to no foundation in fact. I just pleasantly nod and let facts guide me.

    In your case, I'm guessing you're a bit stunned by your mother's statement. If it's completely news to you, then there's nothing in your physiology that has given you pause before. You've become who you are and you're not conflicted about it. Sounds perfectly balanced to me.

    I would shrug off the news and continue my lovely blooming relationship with my boyfriend. Sounds like you have a wonderful thing so far.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2011 7:40 AM GMT
    your would be paramour is troubled
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    Mar 06, 2011 7:47 AM GMT
    Turin saidI am confused. You mean you are inter-sex physicality


    I'm with Turin. I don't get it either. Are you hermaphroditic...?