Hopelessly Confused (venting)

  • love_jocks123

    Posts: 27

    Mar 06, 2011 5:35 PM GMT
    Hello, I recently got into a really amazing/confusing relationship with another guy, we met at his house (Frat.) in September and he approached me, and I knew right away this guy was gay, he then started to flirt. I was with my friends at the time and I wasn't out, and I'm still not out to anyone except to him. Well, we lost contact after September but rekindled our little relationship by phone via texting in November. We found ourselves texting one another every second of the day for the next month and a half.

    Long story short we ended up hooking up for the first time in December, lost contact again but recently hooked up twice at his house last Saturday. The whole experience was amazing, I woke up to him, cuddled, played around a little it was all amazing. He was my first, and I truly do care for him.

    Thing is, after the first time we hooked up, he told me he didn't want a relationship at the time, so I know the second and third time was just a "thing" nothing more. But I couldn't help but feel lost, and confused. Was I really all just another "f---"? This has been running through my head since December, and he really is such a nice guy, he really is. But, today, I'm left confused as to what to do, I feel as if though I'm tired of hiding in the closet, I feel as though, I can have more relationships with amazing guys but I can't because I'm stuck.

    Sorry, I really just had to vent someway somehow. Any opinions or suggestions?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 06, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    Its kinda natural to have this sort of feelings because of 'charmed' approach some guys tend to give... Not talking about the the general aspect of two guys meeting up for a simple hook up but the type of guys who seem to be in tuned with the other persons emotions to get into bed with them.

    He has stated that he doesn't want to be in a relationship and well you need to respect that.
    It is frustrating because obviously you really can't vent it out to anyone (unless you have a confidant?) ....Just take deep breathes and clear your mind with the uneasy thoughts.
    Also you'll have to tell him that you have feelings for him and if he can reciprocate.

    If not, then you have to cut off ties with him for the time being...He could very well mature and rekindle something. But my best advice is accept whatever he has to say in your next encounter (with no sex involved) and move on.

    Honestly I don't mean to sound harsh but that's how I see it for your predicament.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 06, 2011 6:15 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidIts kinda natural to have this sort of feelings because of 'charmed' approach some guys tend to give...

    LOL! Like the one you give in your new picture? Damned Canada and its charmers!

    Love jocks 123: In Dante's INFERNO, the inscription written above the Gates of Hell: "ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE".


    That goes double for anyone trying to enter THE MODERN GAY LIFE. It's hellish.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 06, 2011 6:28 PM GMT
    love_jocks123 saidAny opinions or suggestions?

    Among the list of possible reasons for his behavior:
    - He's not much out himself, and doesn't feel comfortable being too obvious in his frat.
    - His family is gay-hostile, and he doesn't want that potential conflict with them if he becomes careless, especially if they're supporting his education.
    - There's one or more other romantic interests in his life already.
    - He's heavily focused on his college studies, and doesn't think he can handle the deeper commitment of a steady BF at this time.
    - He works to help support himself, and a BF would make his plate too full right now, again, prioritizing his educational goals first.
    - His finances are tight, so he doesn't have the money for serious dating right now, and won't let a BF pay for him, assuming you could. Or alternatively, he IS looking for a guy who can pay for them both on dates.

    Meaning he may just wanna go the BF-Lite route for now, nothing to do with you, whom he does like. The one thing that may be bothering him about you is your not being out, so I'd just ask him. I gotta tell yah, I tend to avoid closeted guys myself, have done that before and didn't really like the burden, inconvenience & complications.

    So ask him. Might be a non-issue, especially if he's not fully out himself. And so don't make any decisions to come out yourself and cause major revisions to your own life, until you're sure that's what you BOTH want and are really ready for it.

    In the meantime, a buddy friendship is perfectly fine -- not every relationship has to be passionately romantic. Be careful you aren't experiencing a late case of puppy love, considering that this appears to be all new to you. It may not just be his behavior that you find confusing, but your own awakening gay emotions that are new & confusing to you.