Feel Like I'm Missing Out on the NYC Dating Scene

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    Mar 06, 2011 6:59 PM GMT
    This post is a bit personal but I'm sure there are others here who are/ were in a similar situation.

    I moved to New York back in November after I came out and am staying with relatives in the suburbs until I can get my own place in the city/ roommates.

    Though, after all this time in New York I still somehow have not managed to make any friends or meet any new people here, it would be nice to have a gay friend where we could talk about things on common grounds. I am bit shy so that plays a factor into my situation, living in the suburbs also physically removes you from people your age. When I'm in the city on weekends I notice people usually go out with large groups of friends and I'm reluctant to go out to bars or get involved in the gay scene because I know I would be uncomfortable going somewhere alone.

    Though, I feel like it's somewhat necessary to go to a bar or some organization for the first time to test the water and possibly meet someone like minded. I feel I'm missing out on the dating scene here in one of the biggest gay meccas in the country and now I'm getting a bit frustrated. Of course there are other places to meet people but bars and organizations are social spaces where people gather for this specific purpose of meeting people and you don't need to use gaydar as everyone's gay or at least bi there.

    I know I'm not the only gay guy in this situation, there's probably at least a couple of others who feel the same way. What are some ways you got into the dating scene expanded your network of gay friends?
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    Mar 07, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    I lived in New York when I was your age. Tough town, but here's some advice:

    - Get the hell out of the suburbs. Look on Craigslist or go to Rainbow Roommates or whatever and find some gay roommates in the city.

    - Lose the shyness. Life is too short. Go to bars, go up to guys and say hi. What's the worst that can happen, they roll their eyes and walk away? So what? There are literally a few million other gay men within a ten-mile radius to choose from.

    - Go to the LGBT Center in the West Village and take a class, join a group, do whatever. When I lived in NYC, there was a group called Twentysomethings that met at the Center every month. Don't know if it's still there, but it's worth looking into.

    - Find a job at a place where other gay men your age work.

    BTW, every gay guy who has ever come out and moved to a city has faced what you're facing. You just have to take some risks and get out there... coming out was the first big step, and huge congratulations on that, but it's really only the first step!!
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    Mar 07, 2011 7:16 PM GMT
    Yeah, It amazes me how people think they are going to move here an find it vastly different from wherever they came from. I've had 20 years of this place and have never had a single date (although I haven't really actively tried to get one...)

    I think it's just really hard to meet people in person. I try really hard to make friends but people tend not to want to meet you in real life if they don't think there's a possibility that you will have sex with them.....at least in my experience.

    I go to the villiage a lot, but mostly just to chill with friends who are all straight since I don't have any real gay friends. I have been to gay friendly places with them before and guys do look and stuff but usually won't approach me because I'm with a bunch of straight people so they probably assume its not worth it.

    I would assume that it's best to just start by making friends, and establishing connections with potential dates that way......but making friends is hard too.

    wow that wasn't helpful at all icon_redface.gif
  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Mar 07, 2011 7:43 PM GMT
    there's a NYC dating scene????
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    Mar 10, 2011 3:55 AM GMT
    guidojock saidthere's a NYC dating scene????

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    Mar 10, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    nyc2sfo2010 saidI lived in New York when I was your age. Tough town, but here's some advice:

    - Get the hell out of the suburbs. Look on Craigslist or go to Rainbow Roommates or whatever and find some gay roommates in the city.

    - Lose the shyness. Life is too short. Go to bars, go up to guys and say hi. What's the worst that can happen, they roll their eyes and walk away? So what? There are literally a few million other gay men within a ten-mile radius to choose from.

    - Go to the LGBT Center in the West Village and take a class, join a group, do whatever. When I lived in NYC, there was a group called Twentysomethings that met at the Center every month. Don't know if it's still there, but it's worth looking into.

    - Find a job at a place where other gay men your age work.

    BTW, every gay guy who has ever come out and moved to a city has faced what you're facing. You just have to take some risks and get out there... coming out was the first big step, and huge congratulations on that, but it's really only the first step!!


    This really says it all. Think of it as an adventure ride and you are your own tour guide. There is a very big "scene" here and it involves EVERYONE - gay and straight but you have to go find it. Explore, experiment you will find it. I used to go and just get lost and go into places (bars, clubs, galleries, restaurants, whatever) and see what I could find. Sometimes a dud, but more often really amazing. If you are bored in NYC - it is your own fault. Don't worry about being shy or not cool enough - that all takes care of itself in time. Just go for it!
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    Mar 10, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    im in the same situation Ehanson, dekiruman...it doesn't bother me much however as i use school as an excuse that im actually occupied otherwise...I guess to get over it..you guys need to just go out one night. I am not the type to do bars or clubs.. so i find myself at gay events held at city centers or i go on meetup.com and look for groups that have the same interest as me.
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1980

    Mar 10, 2011 4:29 AM GMT
    What about messaging some other RJ'ers in the NYC area to see if they want to go out as a group sometime?
    Also, when you're looking for a place to live, I think parts of Brooklyn, like Williamsburg, actually have more young gay people in them than Manhattan does, because it's so expensive now.
    Good luck!
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    Mar 10, 2011 4:37 AM GMT
    NYC is rough for making friends. i've been here for 4 weeks and I haven't met anyone on my own. although, i've met tons of people through my friends who moved here a while ago from california. you just need a connection to get started. preferably a connection that is out going.
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    Mar 10, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidNYC is rough for making friends. i've been here for 4 weeks and I haven't met anyone on my own. although, i've met tons of people through my friends who moved here a while ago from california. you just need a connection to get started. preferably a connection that is out going.

    brb moving to NYC

    332bc3k.jpg
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    Mar 10, 2011 4:41 AM GMT
    AndrewDavidAlexander said
    AvadaKedavra saidNYC is rough for making friends. i've been here for 4 weeks and I haven't met anyone on my own. although, i've met tons of people through my friends who moved here a while ago from california. you just need a connection to get started. preferably a connection that is out going.

    brb moving to NYC

    332bc3k.jpg


    hurry bitch!