Troubled...Need Help Please :)

  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Mar 07, 2011 2:38 AM GMT
    Ok. Long story short, I am seeing this guy and we have been on dates and intimate before. I really enjoy our time together. I usually don't get to see him because of school and when I come home, I have to initiate everything and push for him to want to do stuff. Usually we have to reschedule because he is busy. I am understanding of the fact that we are all busy, but I feel that there has to be some sort of compromise. Without sounding too much like a "girl" (too l8t), I obviously don't wanna pressure him into making more moves or making him spend more time with me, but is it too much to ask for him to want to take the initiative to actually WANT to see me??? Hmmm... what are your thoughts? Am I over reacting? being dramatic? or realistic? Let me know. I really don't know what to do. TT-TT
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    Mar 07, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    He may very well have picked up this vibe (from your profile),

    "Hope to just have a place to talk with other people about being gay/bi (whatever) b/c I am not actually out and am super conflicted with who I am."

    ...and is being accordingly wary. Right now, all you can offer him in the way of a relationship is a relationship with a super conflicted individual.

    -Doug
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Mar 07, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    He's the same though, he's not out either and we do things discretely. I'm just talking about maybe watching a movie together or something. Nothing like PDA walking down the street.
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    Mar 07, 2011 5:14 AM GMT

    OK, you're both in the same boat.
    I'll likely get flamed for this but it's a good start because you're equal, but that also means equal in limitations, and they're likely different for each one of you. His hesitation could be equal to your self conflictedness. So weather it for now as best you can; open up lines of communication (I can't stress this enough, and it can be done with much warmth and humour). You're obviously serious about this guy, so how long are you going to wait to find out if there's a mutual feeling?

    -Doug
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    Mar 07, 2011 5:19 AM GMT
    fuck em icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 07, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    This sounds very similar to a situation I was in recently with a guy. Everytime I was with him, he would comment on how he was glad to see me and that we need to see each other more often. Like you said, I understand that life can get busy sometimes. There are going to be times you can not spend together. In my situation, I would only get to see him around once a month (I think there was one month I saw him twice). This lasted for around 4-5 months. He always said work was so busy, and I was understanding at first. But, someone has to be extremely busy that they can only see you around once a month (likely the person is either lying or just isn't that into you). And, I think every single time, I did the initiating.

    In the end, it didn't work out. I told him that I think we should be friends for a while because this wasn't working out. He said, "Oh, that's cool," immediately followed by "I won't talk to you again." I knew then I definitely made the right decision and that I should have had the sense to get out way before then. Oh well, we all make mistakes

    I don't know your exact situation, but from what you say, this sounds like the guy I was seeing. But maybe your situation isn't quite like mine,

    Good luck.
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Mar 08, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    @ meninlove: I don't know how long I wanna pursue this for. I am hoping that this will become something nice and possibly last a while, but I don't know. I agree that our uncomfortability with ourselves causes problems, but that probably won't change. Nether of us is ready to come out

    @dekiruman: no

    @heybreaux: I hope I don't remind him of being gay (if you meant that in a bad way). I just want him to want me for me (SOOOO CORNY ACTUALLY SIGHED IN MY ROOM)

    @joshwall60: I hope that if I was to end things as far as a relationship went, I hope that it wouldn't come to that. I am sorry that you had to endure that yourself icon_sad.gif I really want this to work out, but the more I think about it, the more I might have to come to realize that this may not be destined to be. *sigh* TT-TT