"open relationship" WFT is that ...seriously .. ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    what are you thinking about " open relationship" .. Personnaly, i'm not agree with that ...
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    Mar 07, 2011 4:07 AM GMT
    I don't get it either, but hey maybe some people like it. icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 07, 2011 4:16 AM GMT
    I also don't agree with that.

    Kind of a contradiciton in and of itself.....

    Relationships are meant to increase a bond with someone a person finds special to them.

    If they are in an open relationship, then they are technically open to *Fooling* around with other guys as well but they have one main partner.


    IF people like that...then ok. But hell no... not for me.
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    Mar 07, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    alexray saidPersonnaly, i'm not agree with that ...


    Do they have to ask you first?
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    Mar 07, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    Yeah... I don't think it's something I could do, but to each his own.

    It REALLY threw me off in my first relationship that I'd even have to make a point to say that we'd be exclusive when we were dating.
    That was a rough week when I found that out icon_sad.gif
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    Mar 07, 2011 4:45 AM GMT
    I assume that my "relationship" is open until someone tells me it is not, then I "close" it if we're both amenable. I never assume exclusivity until I've discussed it with the person I'm seeing, and both parties are clear regarding the parameters of the "exclusive" relationship. Different strokes for different folks. It's all about choices.
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    Mar 07, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    Hatter saidYeah... I don't think it's something I could do, but to each his own.

    It REALLY threw me off in my first relationship that I'd even have to make a point to say that we'd be exclusive when we were dating.
    That was a rough week when I found that out icon_sad.gif


    but 'dating' doesn't really imply a relationship... apart from seeing each other.

    Although to be fair, I hate the "what am I to you" conversations as well haha.
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    Mar 07, 2011 4:54 AM GMT
    I always wonder if one of the two only agree to an open relationship cause their too afraid their partner will skip out on them if they say NO. On the other hand I kno a couple that play together as well as separately after 4 yrs it wrks for them. Any relationship is HEALTHY as long as both parties are willing and communicate their needs, likes and dislikes.
  • tony_boost

    Posts: 390

    Mar 07, 2011 6:26 AM GMT
    when i first started dating, I would get really upset if the guy i was with even checked another guy out, even if it was in a movie we were watching, but i've learned that open relationships are possible, and can be a lot healthier than closed relationships. Sex is a physical need, sure its better when its with someone you love, but we're all going to be attracted to more than one person throughout our lives, and to pretend not to is denial of our physical needs. Loving someone means that if that person were to suddenly leave your life, you would be affected, love isn't really about sex and almost belittles love when people equate it to just sex
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    Mar 07, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    tony_boost saidwhen i first started dating, I would get really upset if the guy i was with even checked another guy out, even if it was in a movie we were watching, but i've learned that open relationships are possible, and can be a lot healthier than closed relationships. Sex is a physical need, sure its better when its with someone you love, but we're all going to be attracted to more than one person throughout our lives, and to pretend not to is denial of our physical needs. Loving someone means that if that person were to suddenly leave your life, you would be affected, love isn't really about sex and almost belittles love when people equate it to just sex


    I disagree with the part I highlighted red in your quote.


    That is where the phrase "Controlling your desires" comes into play.

    Successful relationships (From what I have seen so far), work only if the two people know their limits and control their desires.

    Yes, you will probably think about other men with your spouse... HOWEVER, as long as you don't act upon that thought then you are fine.

  • tony_boost

    Posts: 390

    Mar 07, 2011 7:16 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    tony_boost saidwhen i first started dating, I would get really upset if the guy i was with even checked another guy out, even if it was in a movie we were watching, but i've learned that open relationships are possible, and can be a lot healthier than closed relationships. Sex is a physical need, sure its better when its with someone you love, but we're all going to be attracted to more than one person throughout our lives, and to pretend not to is denial of our physical needs. Loving someone means that if that person were to suddenly leave your life, you would be affected, love isn't really about sex and almost belittles love when people equate it to just sex


    I disagree with the part I highlighted red in your quote.


    That is where the phrase "Controlling your desires" comes into play.

    Successful relationships (From what I have seen so far), work only if the two people know their limits and control their desires.

    Yes, you will probably think about other men with your spouse... HOWEVER, as long as you don't act upon that thought then you are fine.



    That's exactly what i'm talking about, how many couples cheat on each other or are miserable and bored in their relationship solely because of sex? Loving someone means you care for them and want the best for them, i've never heard anybody define love as sex with one person for the rest of your life and only one person, as this is mostly an irrational and unrealistic goal for 98% of people
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    Mar 07, 2011 7:19 AM GMT
    alexray saidwhat are you thinking about " open relationship" .. Personnaly, i'm not agree with that ...


    Then donĀ“t have one.

    What are you thinking about "gay relationship". Personally, many people not agree with that...
  • OJ89

    Posts: 106

    Mar 07, 2011 7:52 AM GMT
    I've been in an open relationship once, it was fine.
    We were apart for about a month sometimes due to work and we had a very strong relationship going. On the surface I can see why it doesn't appeal to people, but that one time it worked for me.
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    Mar 07, 2011 8:00 AM GMT
    ahhh haven't been in an open relationship
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    Mar 07, 2011 8:13 AM GMT
    tony_boost said
    _Mohammed_ said
    tony_boost saidwhen i first started dating, I would get really upset if the guy i was with even checked another guy out, even if it was in a movie we were watching, but i've learned that open relationships are possible, and can be a lot healthier than closed relationships. Sex is a physical need, sure its better when its with someone you love, but we're all going to be attracted to more than one person throughout our lives, and to pretend not to is denial of our physical needs. Loving someone means that if that person were to suddenly leave your life, you would be affected, love isn't really about sex and almost belittles love when people equate it to just sex


    I disagree with the part I highlighted red in your quote.


    That is where the phrase "Controlling your desires" comes into play.

    Successful relationships (From what I have seen so far), work only if the two people know their limits and control their desires.

    Yes, you will probably think about other men with your spouse... HOWEVER, as long as you don't act upon that thought then you are fine.



    That's exactly what i'm talking about, how many couples cheat on each other or are miserable and bored in their relationship solely because of sex? Loving someone means you care for them and want the best for them, i've never heard anybody define love as sex with one person for the rest of your life and only one person, as this is mostly an irrational and unrealistic goal for 98% of people


    I see your point much more clearly now.
    I agree with you.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Mar 07, 2011 11:19 AM GMT
    Try being with someone 10 or more years...than I'll ask u what do u think of open relationships....
  • massbuildah

    Posts: 276

    Mar 07, 2011 11:41 AM GMT
    I think different people can adhere to different parameters. "Normal" types of relationships may be too constricting for some people, while others thrive on that. Relationships aren't always easy to maintain in the long run and congratulations to those that thrive in either!

    In a perfect world, we'll find someone with whom we are compatible and communication will come very easily. In that communication we'll discover how we want to maintain that relationship, whether it be open or closed. When there is love, repsect and communication and both parties agree then any type of arrangement is possible.
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    Mar 07, 2011 11:45 AM GMT
    Open relationship = fuck buddy
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    Mar 07, 2011 11:51 AM GMT
    imabadboy88 saidOpen relationship = fuck buddy

    Yeah i just wonder why call it "Open relationship" its better to be called sex or as you say fuck buddy icon_biggrin.gif
    We all know what the word "relationship" means
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    Mar 07, 2011 11:58 AM GMT
    Vladimir01 said
    imabadboy88 saidOpen relationship = fuck buddy

    Yeah i just wonder why call it "Open relationship" its better to be called sex or as you say fuck buddy icon_biggrin.gif
    We all know what the word "relationship" means


    You guys hit it right on the dot. Open relationships are like i like you emotionally and we do it every now and then. But we each like to see other people too. Its an arrangement for people who haven't figured out how monogamy can work in their relationship. icon_eek.gif
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    Mar 07, 2011 12:12 PM GMT
    rjb2001 said
    Vladimir01 said
    imabadboy88 saidOpen relationship = fuck buddy

    Yeah i just wonder why call it "Open relationship" its better to be called sex or as you say fuck buddy icon_biggrin.gif
    We all know what the word "relationship" means


    You guys hit it right on the dot. Open relationships are like i like you emotionally and we do it every now and then. But we each like to see other people too. Its an arrangement for people who haven't figured out how monogamy can work in their relationship. icon_eek.gif


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    some ppl just lack the knowledge or awareness in general and love 2 think that an open relationship will become something more when in reality an open relationship will always be an open relationship icon_eek.gif
  • Karnage

    Posts: 704

    Mar 07, 2011 12:30 PM GMT
    massbuildah saidI think different people can adhere to different parameters. "Normal" types of relationships may be too constricting for some people, while others thrive on that. Relationships aren't always easy to maintain in the long run and congratulations to those that thrive in either!

    In a perfect world, we'll find someone with whom we are compatible and communication will come very easily. In that communication we'll discover how we want to maintain that relationship, whether it be open or closed. When there is love, repsect and communication and both parties agree then any type of arrangement is possible.


    I think these are probably the most true statements in this thread. Open relationships work for some, but not for others. I have friends who have been together 10+ years and are in an open relationship. They love each other completely but enjoy fooling around with other people. There is a difference between love and sex, and if you have the ability to separate those two, then I would say an open relationship is possible for you.

    That being said, not everyone has that ability. For many people, especially younger and less experienced guys, emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are too closely linked to be able to separate the two. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but that doesn't mean that you should go around bashing those who do have that ability.

    I would say that I personally fall somewhere in the middle. I don't think that I could do an open relationship at this point in my life. I think that I would only ever consider it after I had been in a monogamous relationship for a while and I had discussed it completely with my partner/bf.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Mar 07, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    I think that Karnage is spot-on regarding open relationships. They are not for every couple, and opening up a monogamous relationship is a slippery slope that not every couple can negotiate successfully. But sometimes that leeway is exactly what keeps a relationship working and growing.

    If monogamy is your thing, that's awesome--I do believe it's something to aspire to in a relationship, though it clearly is not always the answer for everyone. I choose to keep an open mind about it. The main thing is to be honest and loving toward oneself and one's partner and to communicate fully about what each needs from the relationship.
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    Mar 07, 2011 12:44 PM GMT
    just like gay marriage,

    if you dont agree with open relationships - then dont have one
  • TrentGrad

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    Mar 07, 2011 12:53 PM GMT
    tony_boostLoving someone means that if that person were to suddenly leave your life, you would be affected, love isn't really about sex and almost belittles love when people equate it to just sex


    Ah, but you're using a self-serving commentary to deride the idea of a monogamous relationship, and frankly, I think you're off base.

    Every relationship, whether monogamous or open, has boundaries that are supposed to be important to each partner. It just so happens that physical and emotional exclusivity are more important considerations within a monogamous relationship.

    If it's fair to suggest that to monogamous couples there is no divide between love and sex, then it should come as no surprise to you that from a monogamous standpoint, open relationship couples are little more than glorified fuck buddies who simply aren't mature enough to handle a real relationship!

    After all, if one eye is on your partner, and the other is on the next trick you can score, what do you really know about truly loving someone?

    Of course I don't fully buy that either...but I get tired of the one side deriding the other, or vice versa.

    The point is, if one person strongly believes in open relationships, and another does not, the relationship (whether monogamous or open) is doomed to failure...but if both believe in a monogamous relationship, then playing outside the relationship is a violation of trust...

    ...and violation of trust is a relationship killer, whether it's a monogamous relationship or an open relationship!