Have you ever been in an abusive date/relationship?

  • metta

    Posts: 39133

    Mar 07, 2011 8:33 AM GMT

    Have you ever been in an abusive date/relationship?

    Dating violence affects 1 in 3 people. Straight, Gay and everybody in between.

    http://hearmyvoice.breakthecycle.org/#is-this-abuse
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2011 12:27 PM GMT
    I lived with a guy for 1 year that turned out to have a drinking problem & would physically abuse me to the point where people thought I had been in a car accident.

    He would do this & then want to take me to the bar afterwards so everyone could see what he had done like he was proud of it. It was excrutiating & humiliating. After about the 5th time I beat the shit out of him back, threw what clothes I could get in my car & took off, never looked back.

    I still have episodes of flash backs of things he did to me. He is the only person on earth that I literally would love to wrap my hands around his neck & watch the last breath leave his beautiful, muscled, round assed body.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 07, 2011 1:11 PM GMT
    Never have, but I have a friend who dated a guy who would beat on him when the guy was drunk or out of sorts. It lasted a couple of years. Never really did understand any of it.
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    Mar 07, 2011 1:40 PM GMT
    My very first relationship which only lasted 4 years ended when he finally decided to hit me in the face (and quite unexpectedly as we were walking and he busted my lip because of it) because of some stupid jealous rage he had.

    The fact that he also became a raging alcoholic and would get verbally abusive to me only added to my motivation to finally leave him, despite thinking to myself that I really, really loved him and could help him in his recovery. WRONG!!!!

    Leaving him was the best thing I ever did. There is no point in staying in such an ugly environment. Some people can't leave their abusers for some reason. But, it's not healthy. It's very destructive.

    V
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    Mar 07, 2011 3:40 PM GMT
    I got hit once, I left the house, took what was in the saving, left our business. stayed with relatives until I got back on my feet. That was the 90's. Now if you talk to me wrong I'm out! "I can do bad all by myself" I will not put up with abuse of any kind verbal or physical. You always have to love yourself more!
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    Mar 07, 2011 4:05 PM GMT

    Yes, back in the 70s.

    -Doug
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    Mar 07, 2011 4:10 PM GMT
    only when they talk back
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    Mar 07, 2011 7:39 PM GMT
    please. I wish somebody would.......icon_cool.gif
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    Mar 07, 2011 8:02 PM GMT
    Yes, I've been verbally abused in my previous relationship. This may sound cliché, but that was part of the motivation to start working out.
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    Mar 07, 2011 8:06 PM GMT
    I was wondering how common this was in gay relationships. I over heard a guy that I am assuming was gay say that he thought it was normal for guys to fight in a relationship because you have two aggressive testosterone filled people icon_eek.gif

    arguing is one thing but being verbally abusive or putting your hands on someone is a completely different story.
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    Mar 07, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    I don't put up with that shit. If someone is physically, sexually, or verbally abusing me I end it with them without discussion.
    From my personality in general, guys that I date know that I don't put up with shit like that so I've never had anyone try it.
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    Mar 07, 2011 9:00 PM GMT
    AndrewDavidAlexander saidI don't put up with that shit. If someone is physically, sexually, or verbally abusing me I end it with them without discussion.
    From my personality in general, guys that I date know that I don't put up with shit like that so I've never had anyone try it.


    RIGHT! HE SAID!!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Mar 07, 2011 9:39 PM GMT
    never been in one yet. :3
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    Mar 07, 2011 10:00 PM GMT
    This would only happen to me one time... then there is a good chance jail would be involved.

    I have a friend who used to be in an abusive relationship, except he fought back and they used to bludgeon each other... I never understood that.
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    Mar 07, 2011 10:02 PM GMT
    Ewwww.......that's between me and my shrink, but it does amaze me what people who might otherwise seem pretty well put together are willing to tolerate when a manipulative sociopath finds their Achilles' heel.
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    Mar 07, 2011 10:21 PM GMT
    I'm still somewhat recovering from a highly abusive relationship. Verbal, physical, mental, but worst of all, emotional abuse. My ex would throw fits and had a very addictive personality. He would play these head games where he would constantly comment on how hot someone else was or that he wished I looked like them. He made it perfectly clear that I was never enough for him regardless of what I did to make him happy. For four long years I tried to "fix" him in this and other regards, such as his alcoholism. It finally ended when he left me, after a string of affairs. I'm extremely grateful that he left me and see it as one of the greatest things that could have happened, regardless of how much I loved him. I thought he was my soulmate. He had many psychological disorders none of which were being treated, but he knew he had.

    Unfortunately here I am, a year later, and I have this disgust towards relationships and family and I enjoy being a loner and having my own little world. I can't decide if it's because I truly am that way or that I just hate the thought of potentially going doing any kind of road like the ones I've been on in the past.

    It's very tragic how common this kind of thing is.
  • nubScotty

    Posts: 282

    Mar 07, 2011 11:29 PM GMT
    Yup, dated a guy for about 6 months last year; who was emotionally abusive. Would have mood swings like a mother fucker and constantly blamed me for crap, and I always took the blame and apologized just so he'd be happy. He liked to bring up past relationships he had and how much better certain guys were than me, at one point while we were having sex he mentioned how I should watch him and one of his recent exes have sex so I could learn what to do. Caught him a couple times in lies about what he was doing, where he was talking about another guy he slept with by name, and I saw he had several calls from that guy right before he had called me the previous night; but figured I could change to be who he wanted.

    Pretty much had enough on new years, and cut off communication with him new years day and he never tried to get in touch with me so guess I now know how much he cared.

    No more of that BS for me! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2011 11:51 PM GMT
    Nope.


    Want to know why?
    I don't date people who drink and I only get into a relationship with a man who I have dated for at least 3 months.

    If they even show a single sign of turning out to be abusive, I straight up tell them that I am not interested.I mean, I have been in only ONE LTR (one and a half years) and he was the nicest man ever.
    We broke up because I saw him on a dating site. icon_mad.gif

    If he hadn't been on that... I would be back together with him again icon_rolleyes.gif


    I guess what I am trying to say indirectly is don't give someone a chance for being abusive...and you do that by not getting together with them in the first place.


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    Mar 08, 2011 6:56 AM GMT
    Emotionally....I would have much rather been smacked around!!!!
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Mar 08, 2011 8:38 PM GMT
    Emotionally and verbally abused and controlled. I was told I was too fat to have anyone ever like me, so I might as well stay with them. I stayed in the relationship because I thought he might be right. He would have me buy plane tickets to visit his friends and basically use my cash flow. And I let him so I could have the house to myself.

    I was a smoker at the time and finally, on a lark, just quit. I came to realize he was really putting me down for everything and such--and I decided I didn't deserve to spend the rest of my days with such a lout. His family was from Germany and he insisted on seeing them-I wasn't permitted to meet them, for I was an embarassment. I told him, should he get on that plane the next time, I'd not be there when he came back. The idea was that if he really loved me more then anything, he'd want to work things out.

    I knew he'd not do it.

    So he boarded the plane.

    And I left.

    It was hard to do. If I saw him again, I'd hug him, however, to say thank you. Without him, I would never have learned I am worthwhile and deserving of more. I started to go to the gym. I started living.

    And now I have a hottie for a husband. So it does work out.

    Peace,
    Bardy
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    Mar 08, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    Oh god, I hope I never end up in one.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Mar 08, 2011 8:44 PM GMT
    I've been very fortunate in this regard. Maybe I paid off all that karma in a previous existence.
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    Mar 09, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    damn, took me 12 years to realize what was going on.....brutal and mental breakup
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    Mar 09, 2011 8:57 PM GMT
    Umm... call me ignint, but how is an abusive date possible? The second that shit starts I'd kick em to the curb.
    I can understand if you see a different side once a relationship is established, but on just a date?
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Mar 10, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for two months where my boyfriend constantly treated me like shit. He would constantly remind me of how everyone around my was cute, fight with my, threaten to leave me over sex and made me feel like crap in general.

    As I mentioned in another post I have met two guys who were extremely nice at first and I hit it off with only to have them flip and go off one me. One accused me of being a slut, a liar, and said he hoped I would die and he should kill me himself during a drunken jealous rage. That time I did not make the same mistake and walked away.

    I think that a lot of us don't realize that name calling is abusive and has huge affects relationships. I am ashamed to say I have been guilty of this and that I should never have called my ex names such as: a piece of shit, asshole, worthless, and so on. I can no longer do that and will try very hard to refrain from such name calling in my coming relationships.