Oh so we can't be friends if we don't mess around?! What the hell?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    I'm sure I'm not the only one this happens to so I need to know. Ok, so about 4 times in the past 3 months someone who I consider a friend had tried to make the move. I am, or at least I think I am, being polite when saying no, I even don't mention it or bring it up afterwards. However the friendship inevitably changes. They kinda turn into a dick afterwards. Are they trying to save face or is the friendship truly over because I didn't take it there? Questions, comments, concerns
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    Mar 08, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    Wait...I thought friendship and sex were synonymous.
    Did someone change the rules?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 12:59 AM GMT
    I guess, like always, I'm playing by my own rules
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Mar 08, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    Have you asked them?

    Some of them may have been strictly on the make, some may feel awkward about just-be-friends status, some may have taken your rejection more to heart than you intended. Who knows.
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    Mar 08, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    Communication is key....if they are still open to talking, the friendship can be salvaged, if not, move on....you were just another potential fuck.....icon_cool.gif
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    Mar 08, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    It's hard being pretty, isn't it.

    lol, j/k

    Happens to me just as often. It's universal.

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    Mar 08, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    My guess is that they were interested in more than being just friends to begin with. You rejected "the move" and someone's ego was bruised. These things rarely end well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    C'mon.........just make out with him a little. Have some beer, wrestle around a bit. That's what friends are for. You might like it. icon_neutral.gificon_wink.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Mar 08, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    You confused the frienship with a hookup. or they did.
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    Mar 08, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    haha that happens alot strictly friendship and they want sex, its quite sad icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 2:02 AM GMT
    Sadly you're not the only one...it's the reason I've given up on having any gay friends and if one of straight bud's doesn't stop smacking my ass, I may have to lose him too.
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    Mar 08, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    Talk to him about it and insist that he tell you the truth. If he only wants you for sexual purposes, I would highly consider moving on and finding truer friends who will love and care for you because you are you and not some sexual play thing.
  • byronicheros

    Posts: 211

    Mar 08, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    I don't know, that's interesting. I'd talk to them about it, if you really want to salvage the friendship--let them know you think they're cute, but they're just not your type. That's what I always say; and it always seems to be the nicest way of saying you're not interested.

    But, hey, you're cute. Let's be friends!

    *10 minutes later*

    *puts my hand on your crotch*

    ...oh.
  • Moishendlishu...

    Posts: 435

    Mar 08, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    Agreed, talk to him. Chances are his ego is bruised. Are you not interested in anything sexual because you aren't physically attracted, or is it because you don't want to lose the friendship? Those are also important points...if it's just a, your not my type thing, if he's confident enough he'll respect that and stay friends...if not..you'll lose him either way from saying no.

    It's probably in your best interest cause usually when I reject someone's sexual advances they become scorned and condescending.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    You did the right thing!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    I think a lot of gay guys aren't interested in being true friends UNLESS sex is an option. Just the nature of the beast, especially us youngins'.

    Being a little more conservative, I don't believe in allowing someone into my life who won't be my friend unless we fuck. That's putting up a front...that’s being fake. If someone just wants to bang they can tell me to my face, they don't have to pretend to be my friend. Saves a lot of wasted time and energy.
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    Mar 08, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    I hear ya man. I've had a couple instances of that recently, just trying to make gay male friends because I don't have many, and it sucks! Apparently it's difficult for 2 gay men to be just friends.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 08, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    ATX611 saidI guess, like always, I'm playing by my own rules
    no you aren't buddy. i have had that to happen on several occasions. dude, keep being yourself. its there lost and they probably never wanted to be your friends in the first place. they probably were just hoping they could try being friends to see if you would sleep with them that way
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    Mar 08, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    I found it much more annoying when i slept with a guy I wanted to be friends with and he broke off the friendship by no longer returning my calls as if we had been dating at all.. HEY!!! i didnt mean for you to be a date!!! Where the hell did you run off to???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 3:39 AM GMT
    I have to agree with the OP.

    Unfortunately, this is what the "gay" social life is centered around. icon_mad.gif

    "Friends?"... is now based on whether or not you would perform sexual favours for them.
    icon_rolleyes.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 3:39 AM GMT
    Moishendlishus said usually when I reject someone's sexual advances they become scorned and condescending.


    hmmm Ive not had that.. usually we are just fine after wards... If we arent, we werent really friends in teh first place.. now THAT pisses me off
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    Have had similar things happen to me as well. It's difficult to get other gay guys interested in platonic friendships at times...I believe we as men need to develop that part of ourselves...it allows us to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
  • KnuxNole

    Posts: 219

    Mar 08, 2011 3:53 AM GMT
    So does this mean it's impossible for a young gay guy to have any gay friends? I don't want to have sex with any of the platonic gay friends I make, there's a different category between only one person I want to date, and all the gay people I want to be friends with.


    I don't think it's hard to find an attractive guy to be "just friends". That's like saying if you have a boyfriend, to never have friends ever again. And the converse is true, if someone thinks I'm attractive but wants to stay just friends, I dont think it's a problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    ATX611 saidI guess, like always, I'm playing by my own rules
    Well your rules suck...or not. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2011 3:55 AM GMT
    If you're under 30, good luck trying to find gay guys who want to be friends without sex. Almost inevitably, a move is made.