advice...?

  • detumescence

    Posts: 4

    Mar 10, 2011 8:22 AM GMT
    ...
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Mar 10, 2011 11:28 AM GMT
    He might be into you, but it sounds like he struggles to manage his own life, and isn't capable of having a relationship. Move on.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 10, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    I appreciate your keeping it short and concise........makes it easier to give you input....LOL

    Seriously, I think you should view him as just somebody you were hanging with. I don't think he's a serious relationship prospect for you or even someone to date on an occasional basis. My guess is, he has a half dozen others with whom he is spending similar time.

    If you really want to see somebody with some degree of seriousness (and by that term I mean you know what you want and are pursuing it) , dating or otherwise, my suggestion is to pay attention as to how they live their life on a daily basis. How are they about school or their job or their other relationships? If they don't seem to have priorities, apparently like this guy.... I'd pass.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2011 1:06 PM GMT
    he's just not that into you.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 10, 2011 1:54 PM GMT
    well buddy, it sounds as if you may have scared him away with your joke. i think you may need to just move on and forget about the guy
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Mar 10, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    nerdjock saidhe's just not that into you.


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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    you seem needy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    I know you said he guys talked a lot, but have you talked about relationships and what you guys are looking for? Your friends are probably like, he is probably only looking for a friends with benefits situation.

    Also, the fact that he blocked you on Grindr should be a huge flag. Obviously he is "hanging out" with a lot of other guys, so based on his actions it looks like he is not looking for anything serious.

    I say move on, there are tons of guys out there who are looking for the same thing as you AND won't play games.
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    Mar 10, 2011 2:38 PM GMT
    detumescence said

    afterwards, the topic of Grindr comes up and I mention that he doesn't show up on my favorites any more. he tells me that's because he blocked me. I ask him why, and he tells me that it's because "[he] liked me," and he "didn't want me to think he was a whore." I take this as a good sign and don't really pursue it any more.



    Bad news: He blocked you because he's not really interested in you and he doesn't want you to track or stalk him on Grindr. If the guy is interested, he's going to make sure he's ubiquitous and visible to you on Grindr or elsewhere. Give it up because it's not worth pursuing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2011 2:44 PM GMT
    Lordy! I was wondering how long it was going to take you to get to the sex. ... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2011 2:46 PM GMT
    It seems you're working too hard to make this relationship work.

    "Dan" is often unavailable or does not participate. Doing all the work in a relationship (even FWBs) is self-defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other guy to be irresponsible for his share.

    Are you initiating all the texting/calling? Are you doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work? Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.

    Good luck! PM8
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Mar 10, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    So much for "short and simple"? icon_eek.gif
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Mar 10, 2011 3:10 PM GMT
    We've all been guilty of this at one time or another: not being willing to look through the cloud of our desires to see things clearly, even when it's all very plain to see.

    1. You could never pin him down for a date;
    2. He's constantly on Grindr (not to mention having blocked you and then gave a lame excuse);
    3. You mention two or three separate times that he was TOO INTOXICATED, which should be a giant red flag anyway.

    What he's telling you is the following:
    Even if he's not that interested, he's a flake and maybe has issues with alcohol.

    That should be enough to make you pull up stakes immediately and not invest any further energy or thought in him.
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    Mar 10, 2011 3:19 PM GMT
    It's clear he just wants fwb. At least he told you why he blocked you, so you couldn't see all the other guys he's messing with, not that there's anything wrong with that at all. You want more, he doesn't, so take it or leave it.
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    Mar 10, 2011 4:01 PM GMT
    detumescence saidhey RJers...

    I'll try to keep this short and simple, with enough context to make sense.



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    Mar 10, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    There are so many "we texted back and forth, I ended up staying at his place without any sex, lost contact, running into each other at bar" I got so confused and by the middle I was bored and stopped reading......It was such a loop. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2011 6:35 PM GMT
    AntoNomad said
    nerdjock saidhe's just not that into you.


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    Zing!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2011 7:19 PM GMT
    Falling in love is NEVER a good thing.
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    Mar 10, 2011 7:26 PM GMT
    detumescence saidafterwards, the topic of Grindr comes up and I mention that he doesn't show up on my favorites any more. he tells me that's because he blocked me. I ask him why, and he tells me that it's because "[he] liked me," and he "didn't want me to think he was a whore." I take this as a good sign and don't really pursue it any more.


    What. The. Fuck. Dude?

    What he told you there is that he wants to hide, HIDE, the fact that he is a self-described whore. He is still on Grindr chatting with other guys, he just doesn't want you to know about it. So you guys have been flirting via txt for three months and neither of you can get your shit together to go on a date (try going on a date on Saturday, as evidentially you are both free as you see each other out so often).

    And, oddly, you take this as a good sign.

    He doesn't want to date you. He likes you well enough to keep you around, but he is keeping you at arms length for a reason. What was up with the "let's be BF's text"? Perhaps he is cruel and manipulative. Perhaps he just wants to rip your heart apart so you leave him alone.

    One thing is clear, move on. It was time to move on when he stood you up on February and gave you a bullshit excuse. Stop calling. Stop texting. Give him a polite nod when you see him in public. But, for the sake of your sweet little heart, don't go home with him when you are both drunk and at a bar.
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Mar 10, 2011 7:56 PM GMT
    I hate to be rude, but no response usually means no interest.

  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Mar 10, 2011 11:17 PM GMT
    Is there a cliff notes version of this thread?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2011 12:11 AM GMT
    detumescenceafterwards, the topic of Grindr comes up and I mention that he doesn't show up on my favorites any more. he tells me that's because he blocked me. I ask him why, and he tells me that it's because "[he] liked me," and he "didn't want me to think he was a whore." I take this as a good sign and don't really pursue it any more.


    WOW! The fact that you even bothered to weather this game of back and forth for so long is amazing. The immediate facts are telling you that he's not interested in you because he really isn't interested in you. No one pushes a date off that far back and then to add insult to injury you kept running into this guy and he keeps pushing it further back then comes up with some lame ass excuse as to why he blocked you and didn't contact you. Sorry but he's playing games with you and he's totally not worth it.

    Dude wasn't interested in you from the get-go (probably after you fooled around I bet) and so blocked you because he was too much a bitch to just say so in the beginning. Lame and weak. Who wants that? You should feel ashamed of yourself for tolerating this dude's nonsense and not listening to your gut feelings the first time around. Not to mention for being a tad bit persistent and ignoring the all simple tell-tell signs that said he's not interested. It just looks desperate when you go after a guy who has no interest in you. I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying how it looks.

    Your inner robot/conscious should be warning you. It needs a maintenance check.

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    Mar 11, 2011 12:21 AM GMT
    Guy101 said
    detumescenceafterwards, the topic of Grindr comes up and I mention that he doesn't show up on my favorites any more. he tells me that's because he blocked me. I ask him why, and he tells me that it's because "[he] liked me," and he "didn't want me to think he was a whore." I take this as a good sign and don't really pursue it any more.


    WOW! The fact that you even bothered to weather this game of back and forth for so long is amazing.


    ^^^^^^^^^ My thoughts exactly. The dude's a flake. Stay away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2011 12:30 AM GMT

    1. Lesson Learned. Good experience for you.

    2. If he's that 'wild" with you.....then there's more than one guy he's fooling around with....You'll be at a clinic soon enough if you hang with him anymore.

    3. From your story, YOU were the one doing all the first moves. Doesn't seem like a 50/50 communication.

    4. (refer back to #1. )



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    He's not into you