Lack of interest in dating

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2011 8:45 PM GMT
    Ive been single all my life. Ive had two things that were a bit more serious with some guys,but never worked and ended kinda badly. Last thing is kinda recent,and I feel like I lost interest in dating.
    Im really confused about life in general,and I would like to meet some cool guys to make me forget that,but really I hate dating and just dont feel like going for a coffee or dates with some random guys.
    Has this happened to other people here? Should I just force myself to go on dates anyway or should I go with the flow and wait?
    Just seeing what kind of advices I can get from here...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2011 10:22 PM GMT
    I don't think there's anything wrong with not being interested in dating at your stage, especially since you said you're confused about life in general.

    It's good to take the time for yourself to figure things out in your life, without the distraction of dating. If anything, more people should be doing what you're doing. There's too many people running around thinking that relationships are going to make everything fall into place, when in fact it's only going to make things more confusing and complicated.
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    Mar 11, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    snowboarder saidIve been single all my life. Ive had two things that were a bit more serious with some guys,but never worked and ended kinda badly. Last thing is kinda recent,and I feel like I lost interest in dating.
    Im really confused about life in general,and I would like to meet some cool guys to make me forget that,but really I hate dating and just dont feel like going for a coffee or dates with some random guys.
    Has this happened to other people here? Should I just force myself to go on dates anyway or should I go with the flow and wait?
    Just seeing what kind of advices I can get from here...



    If you're confused about life then it's probably a good thing to just take a break from dating to figure it all out, or to lay low for some time... but be open to guys who might be interested in you, don't totally shut yourself out.

    I hate dating in general too, but it seems like it's a necessary step if you are to find a boyfriend down the road, once you're ready and figured out what you want, and who you are.


  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Mar 11, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    hmmmmm.......

    well this is generally a strange thing to come by considering i havnt seen something like this before. i recommend doing some new things, and gaining some experiances that will make life enjoyable.
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    Mar 11, 2011 4:49 AM GMT
    snowboarder saidIve been single all my life. Ive had two things that were a bit more serious with some guys,but never worked and ended kinda badly. Last thing is kinda recent,and I feel like I lost interest in dating.
    Im really confused about life in general,and I would like to meet some cool guys to make me forget that,but really I hate dating and just dont feel like going for a coffee or dates with some random guys.
    Has this happened to other people here? Should I just force myself to go on dates anyway or should I go with the flow and wait?
    Just seeing what kind of advices I can get from here...


    Yeah, the whole coffee shop thing sucks IMHO. If I don't have something in common relative to an activity interest then I think its pointless to meet in a coffee shop. That is just not how I have ever made any friends. Basing an interaction on the idea that someone is attractive and then meeting to see how they present in person and if their pictures are accurate might be OK for screening potential hookups, but it has never, ever, resulted in my forming a friendship with someone. By the way, I don't consider meeting some random guy like that a date, its more of an interview, and its one that is so overloaded with expectation that it is doomed for failure at the outset. At least is has shown to be that way in my experiences with it.

    I just don't do it anymore, at all. If I don't have enough in common to go attend a sporting event, go mountain bike riding, or some activity that facilitates interaction, then I don't want to spend the time meeting a person. It is just a waste of time and not respecting of either person I think.

    Dating to me is when I have done something with someone with some regularity, talk on the phone at length, attended sports events, shared physical activities outdoors for some time. Then when I am spending free time with that person on a regular basis I would consider that we are dating. Whether one is seeing other people or not is up to negotiation. To me, dating or dating regularly, is when sharing time with that person is the priority in my social time map.

    Its OK to not be dating. I have met some of my most interesting friends when I was out and about and simply enjoying my time engaging in activities that interest me. I think of that as being in my groove and that is when I tend to meet the people that I grow close to in friendship, then sometimes as a lover.

    Thats my two cents on it.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 11, 2011 5:15 AM GMT
    personally i do not think anything is wrong with the way you feel. however, i think you may need to take some time to figure out why you are having issues with dating and why your dates are ending so badly. i say work on yourself and everything else should fall into place
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    Mar 11, 2011 5:27 AM GMT

    How about stop looking at dating as some kind of hurdle.
    Perhaps start looking at dating as just hanging out with someone new for a bit. Very. Casual.

    -Doug
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    Mar 11, 2011 5:36 AM GMT
    I know what you mean and how you feel. If anything dinner or a drink is better than coffee, which just encourages small talk. I've suggested other date-type activities with guys like going for hikes or something but that hasn't happened yet.

    Try to make the date something more fun and then even if you don't like the guy at least you will have had a good time. By more fun I'm not suggesting you have sex on the first date although that could potentially make it more fun or just more awkward. Ha ha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2011 5:38 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    How about stop looking at dating as some kind of hurdle.
    Perhaps start looking at dating as just hanging out with someone new for a bit. Very. Casual.

    -Doug


    Win! Ding ding ding!

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    Mar 11, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI think it is kinda cute when some twenty-four year old asserts, "I have been single all my life." icon_smile.gif


    Its not cute when people ask you to answer to why have u been single all your life
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    Mar 11, 2011 5:59 AM GMT
    snowboarder said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI think it is kinda cute when some twenty-four year old asserts, "I have been single all my life." icon_smile.gif


    Its not cute when people ask you to answer to why have u been single all your life


    It either means that (1) you're a catch and they don't know why someone hasn't snatched you up, or (2) they're trying to tell you that you have ridiculously high standards and to get over yourself and just go out with someone already.

    If you don't want to date, then don't date. It's just that simple.
    If you have to explain it to anyone tell them that you've officially taken yourself off the market while you sort out some things.

    It doesn't really sound like you're against dating, you just need some time to heal.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Mar 11, 2011 6:15 AM GMT
    snowboarder said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI think it is kinda cute when some twenty-four year old asserts, "I have been single all my life." icon_smile.gif


    Its not cute when people ask you to answer to why have u been single all your life


    I have to agree with Snowboarder. People actively assume something is wrong with you if you've been single all your life. TRUST me I know from experience. It's a vicious little cycle. Plus on top of that, you still have to answer the question. Guys ask me this a lot. The couple guys I've ever been interested in asked me this very question, and then broke up with me a few days later.

    To answer the OP's question; I personally don't think I have the necessary wisdom to give any advice icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2011 10:03 AM GMT
    snowboarder said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI think it is kinda cute when some twenty-four year old asserts, "I have been single all my life." icon_smile.gif


    Its not cute when people ask you to answer to why have u been single all your life


    "I go on dates but I haven't found anyone that I have wanted to go to the next level with." is the response you give to guys you are interested.

    "I don't know, why don't you butt the fuck out?" is the response you give to anyone else.

    If you are not interested in dating. Don't date. I am not interested in football or making durian fruit taste good. I don't pursue those things.

    Follow your interests and try to be mindful of them. And, should you meet a boy that catches your eye be sure to keep an open mind about dating.