is this a reasonable way to broach this topic

  • newbiebottom

    Posts: 38

    Mar 10, 2011 10:20 PM GMT
    here' how i envision a conversation to go with a guy i am really into. i have bottomed for the first time with him, and am working on being more comfortable. however i have not topped him or rimmed him and i want to. he doesnt show any interest in that.

    "so...there are some things i'd like to do with you sexually that i havent had the chance to do...rim you, be inside you. i am not sure how you feel about that am i am curious to hear your thoughts"

    what do you think?
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Mar 11, 2011 12:37 AM GMT
    Sounds like a perfect way to ask, in my opinion.
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    Mar 11, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    Bunjamon saidSounds like a perfect way to ask, in my opinion.

    +1
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    Mar 11, 2011 1:23 AM GMT
    Yeah, just bring it up whenever it seems natural but don't wait too long.

    Getting that sort of discussion out of the way early is good for two reasons:
    1) it will give you a feel for whether or not you'll be sexually compatible in the long term and,
    2) open communication is always a good thing in any relationship and if you two can't communicate then maybe it's time to reconsider things
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    Mar 11, 2011 4:14 AM GMT
    I would have brought that up in the first place.
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    Mar 11, 2011 5:10 AM GMT
    "so...there are some things i'd like to do with you sexually that i havent had the chance to do...rim you, be inside you. i am not sure how you feel about that am i am curious to hear your thoughts"


    I changed that to:
    "so...there are some things i'd like to do with you sexually that i havent had the chance to do...rim you, be inside you."

    Then wait a moment, then,
    "So now how do you feel?" followed by a wink.

    -Doug



  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 11, 2011 5:12 AM GMT
    i do not see a problem with that approach. however, i do have a question for you. did you two ever talk about this before dating?
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    Mar 11, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    troll.jpg
  • newbiebottom

    Posts: 38

    Mar 11, 2011 12:25 PM GMT
    you know, we knew each others sexual preferences in brief. we both were tops, and he had said he loved to suck cock; it was casual then....
    as our relationship evolved (rapidly) out of bed and in bed, it became obvious that he "wanted my ass" and i actually bottomed for the first time. i did that because i wanted to explore my own sexuality and hopefully discover something that felt good. i am having a tough time relaxing and am working on that part on my own. a lot of our talk in bed has been about how good it will be when i can finally relax enjoy myself with him inside me, but the whole time i am thinking about wanting to try doing this to him, etc....
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    Mar 11, 2011 12:28 PM GMT
    I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a bit of... 'give and take'!

    But, be prepared for the fact that some guys just do not like to or want to bottom, or not want to bottom as much as you might want to top them. There's not that much you can do about that so you need to ask yourself what your limits are - as a top, would you be happy if you only ever bottomed in this relationship? Sex isn't the be-all and end-all of a relationship but if the sexual dynamic isn't working or isn't fulfilling, the relationship could be tough at times.
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    Mar 11, 2011 1:42 PM GMT
    newbiebottom saidyou know, we knew each others sexual preferences in brief. we both were tops, and he had said he loved to suck cock; it was casual then....
    as our relationship evolved (rapidly) out of bed and in bed, it became obvious that he "wanted my ass" and i actually bottomed for the first time. i did that because i wanted to explore my own sexuality and hopefully discover something that felt good. i am having a tough time relaxing and am working on that part on my own. a lot of our talk in bed has been about how good it will be when i can finally relax enjoy myself with him inside me, but the whole time i am thinking about wanting to try doing this to him, etc....


    the time is now to speak up... you've given a little, you now need him to give a little... i don't see a prob with your approach.... he knew the deal at the outset... that of course doesn't mean that he's willing to give as much as you have... but your appraoch is the best i can see...
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    Mar 11, 2011 4:22 PM GMT
    Part of getting to know someone before diving head-first into a relationship is finding out what makes him tick--and that includes his sexual preferences/proclivities. Your sexual preferences need not match exactly--and you don't have to like everything that the other person likes--but there are things that are simply too important to ignore and upon which a happy compromise might not be possible. For example, two exclusive bottoms might not find sexual satisfaction in a long-term relationship with each other. Better to find out sooner rather than later.
  • newbiebottom

    Posts: 38

    Mar 13, 2011 12:37 AM GMT
    so i am probably gonna talk to him tonight. out of curiousity have you guys had any awkward sexual conversations, or are they usually avoided.. what happened? experiences? reflections?
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    Mar 13, 2011 12:39 AM GMT
    Communication happens to be the key to a great relationship of any sort so you need to talk to him about it. He may want you to but does not want to seem kinky (yes some guys consider rimming kinky) and if you just go and do it you might turn him off or who knows.

    Talk to him about what you are into, for me rimming does not do anything but happy to let a guy do it if he is into it.
  • newbiebottom

    Posts: 38

    Mar 13, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    so i brought it up in bed. he said he wouldn't let sex be a deal breaker in the relationship, ie, if i wanted to top, i could. he just really isn't into it. he said that i am a bottom ?? by the way i move etc? when i asked about my own sexual needs, he said that he could jack me off. i responded i could do that on my own.

    what frustrates me is that, i heard reasons, for why he doesn't like to bottom and what i wanted to hear was "thanks for letting me know what turns you on, lets work on trying to get you off together, even if i am not used to it."

    we are clearly both tops, but i have let my own primal instinct be diminished in an effort to turn him on. not sure if that makes sense.
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    Mar 13, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    canuckguy19 saidtroll.jpg


    YOU SIR, OWE ME A NEW KEYBOARD......................................
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 13, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    newbiebottom saidyou know, we knew each others sexual preferences in brief. we both were tops, and he had said he loved to suck cock; it was casual then....
    as our relationship evolved (rapidly) out of bed and in bed, it became obvious that he "wanted my ass" and i actually bottomed for the first time. i did that because i wanted to explore my own sexuality and hopefully discover something that felt good. i am having a tough time relaxing and am working on that part on my own. a lot of our talk in bed has been about how good it will be when i can finally relax enjoy myself with him inside me, but the whole time i am thinking about wanting to try doing this to him, etc....
    buddy, i hope this is not the case but only asking him will you find out your answer. i think since you both are tops he may not want to bottom for you. however, you need to ask to find out. i still feel like you should have asked him in the beginning because those are important questions when you are dealing with two tops. i hope you get the answer that you are looking for. i noticed that many tops do not usually want to bottom. anyhow, keep me posted on this one buddy and good luck. by the way, its good to know that two tops can make it work