Why are relationship talks so scary to some guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2011 12:18 AM GMT
    Seriously, why? Is it wrong to be open and honest about relationships that you can talk about them maturely? Why does it freak people out?
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    Mar 11, 2011 2:18 AM GMT
    I think it is because gay men put romance or sex before friendship. The moment you are in a relationship egos get involved. Moreover you have made a commitment to someone you think you know but you find out six months later is not who you thought he was. Why not make a commitment to friendship first? Why not use the model of two straight best friends rather than a man and a woman? I've been working on this approach but it feels I'm doing it alone. After my share of failed love affairs I just want deep loving friendship.
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    Mar 11, 2011 5:16 AM GMT
    Well that's what I usually did. It scared the living daylights out of the flakes.
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    -Doug
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    Mar 11, 2011 5:23 AM GMT
    Some* gay men believe that since they are gay, they have no reason to be committed to a relationship - at least not committed to a long term relationship.

    Add stereotypes by the media and you get some* gay men who have that mindset for life. Usually,* any conversations about long-term relationships are an off-switch to them.

    Do not worry though, because just as there are gay men who do nott value relationships, there are those of us who do value relationships.

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    Mar 11, 2011 5:25 AM GMT
    because they're whores. icon_cool.gif
  • needleninja

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    Mar 11, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    omg the talks are starting!!!!!!

    run for your fucking lives!!!!! DX
  • tuffguyndc

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    Mar 11, 2011 5:29 AM GMT
    dekiruman saidbecause they're whores. icon_cool.gif
    wow, why do they have be whores? dude, most men in general are scared to be in a monogamous relationship. i do not think it has anything to do with whether they are gay or straight. most men get scared when you mention the word
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    Mar 11, 2011 6:08 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    dekiruman saidbecause they're whores. icon_cool.gif
    wow, why do they have be whores? dude, most men in general are scared to be in a monogamous relationship. i do not think it has anything to do with whether they are gay or straight. most men get scared when you mention the word


    Straight guys can be whores too.
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    Mar 11, 2011 6:18 AM GMT
    Because some guys don't have the balls to be honest and say they don't want a relationship.
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    Mar 11, 2011 6:22 AM GMT
    The #1 way to lose a guy.

    Tell him you like him.
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    Mar 11, 2011 6:40 AM GMT
    Ermine said
    Straight guys can be whores too.

    Reread his reply bro. He said that men in general don't like to be in relationships.

    dekiruman saidbecause they're whores. icon_cool.gif


    I'm no whore. In fact, my halo has never shined so bright.
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    Mar 11, 2011 6:53 AM GMT
    Building on what friendormate wrote, "I just want deep loving friendship," I feel like this is a wonderful way of putting the desire to have a long-term relationship out to the universe.

    I'm going to munch on that for a bit - or, marinade on the idea for a bit.

    Thanks gentlemen, for adding your own thoughts to this thread!

    Best regards,
    RPMSoccer
    (Perry from Philly)
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    Mar 11, 2011 7:18 AM GMT
    chayce saidSeriously, why? Is it wrong to be open and honest about relationships that you can talk about them maturely? Why does it freak people out?


    Hmmm? Good question. I would suspect that the reason that relationship talks are scary to some guys is for many reasons but I'll break it down into only 3 reasons (in my own opinion).

    Reason #1: When you are in a relationship it's usually with some you like, right? What helps make you like that person? It's usually based off of a preference, correct? Now start talking to someone about what you like in person in order to date and you'll quickly see that it sounds like a checklist and most people don't like being treated like a checklist especially if they don't measure up to what your preference/standards are so naturally they don't wanna hear it and in all honesty you shouldn't either because once you hear what you sound like (usually shallow and knit-picky as hell) it's not a pretty picture to view. This is a bad opening topic when meeting a stranger for the first time.

    Reason #2: Talking about relationships is a waste of time if your audience isn't looking for a relationship to begin with or isn't looking for advice about them. It could easily be misinterpreted and given the fact that a lot people have different views and values on relationships they don't wanna be judged on them i.e open-relationships or long distance relationships. Think of all the posts on this site alone about just those two types of relationships and how easily they came under fire and scrutiny. No one wants their views bashed upon and judged in the process so rather then be open about it and bombed heavily they'd rather just not deal with. It's not a form of insecurity.

    Reason # 3: A lot of people say a lot of things but whether they actually commit to what they say is a different story. Rather then be held to what they said it's just easier not to say anything at all and just let things flow. "Let the chips fall where they may" sort of speak.

    These are just a few of my opinions as to why people don't like talking about relationships. The majority of folks who don't particularly enjoy the subject tend to be single too so that's something to thing about as well. I don't have problem it and I damn near pounce at the chance to talk about relationships just because it's a fun topic but that's just me. I can't speak for others.
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    Mar 11, 2011 8:19 AM GMT
    for me it's because it's always brought up way way way too early, chill for a bit. enjoy bein friends for a while. or it's wanting to change some thing that is going great.
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    Mar 11, 2011 8:28 AM GMT
    chayce saidSeriously, why? Is it wrong to be open and honest about relationships that you can talk about them maturely? Why does it freak people out?


    This reminds me of a story.

    So there I was, balls deep in Laura Bush's muff when Barbara Boxer walks in. Well, long story short, we were all cuming like geysers all over these cupcakes we were making for my gay man's chorus group fundraiser.

    Why do gay men not like to eat cupcakes?


    See, you are asking us a question about a situation without explaining the situation and it makes it really difficult to answer the question.

    Why do relationship talks scare people? Um, I don't know. It doesn't? Of all the relationship talks I have had only a couple have freaked anyone out, aside from the "let's break up" brand. So, I couldn't tell you why your talks are scaring boys. Be specific.
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    Mar 11, 2011 8:44 AM GMT
    Maybe they feel that you are more in love with them than vice versa so they worry about hurting your feelings? And if they estimate that they probably won't fall in love with you they decide to break it off early. To not lead you on and to spare your feelings.
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    Mar 11, 2011 10:03 PM GMT
    Relationship talks only freak people out when the people involved are not genuinely and completely into each other. That or they haven't made up their minds because they're still looking for the next best thing. I'd bet my life that NO ONE in his right mind would avoid a relationship talk if he's truly into his guy and he thinks he's found the right person to be in a relationship with.