Do you ever put up a wall to protect yourself from getting hurt?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2011 12:22 PM GMT
    It's now been 2 months since I came out of the closet...when I first came out, I think I had a very naive and 'head-in-the-clouds' mentality that all guys are amazing and I believing everything they said. Now that I've been burned a few times already, I have come to realize that I need to become much more realistic about guys and possibly put up a wall to protect myself from getting burned again.

    Do you guys do this too?

    Brad icon_razz.gif

    PS: happy Friday!
  • Chackers

    Posts: 149

    Mar 11, 2011 12:31 PM GMT
    Im pretty sure putting up walls and perfecting your defence mechanisms is a gay guys speciality icon_razz.gif Alot of people would descirbe me as "guarded" or "private".

    Not that thats a good thing! and if you're the type to be pretty open about yourself i wouldnt try to change that, when you put walls up to stop the bad things in life hurting you, you stop the good things from reaching you too.

    I'm sure someone wiser than me will explain where they found a good balance cause i sure as hell can't! icon_eek.gif
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    Mar 11, 2011 12:43 PM GMT
    Gay men make especially some of the best liars on the planet.

    I don't think I need to say anymore.
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    Mar 11, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    I use to live behind a wall but in the end I've done more damage to self than intended. Shutting yourself off to any experience is a bad thing, now I've learned to take my time and as long as my intentions are good I don't concern myself w/ the intentions of others which I can't control anyway. Its all part of learning and the saying goes burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.
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    Mar 11, 2011 3:24 PM GMT
    Never. I trust my judgment and instincts enough so that I don't have to deliberately put up an artificial wall. This has worked for me in the past, but it might well be because I have an unusually high tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty, as well as uncanny ability to shrug off "bad" experiences as though they never happened. I say "bad" experiences because in my mind there are no "bad experiences"--only experiences to learn from.
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    Mar 11, 2011 3:28 PM GMT
    Yes I do, every day of my life...
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Mar 11, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    Usually i put up a wall but once you really fall for someone that wall is down completely...
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    Mar 11, 2011 3:32 PM GMT
    jgymnast733 saidUsually i put up a wall but once you really fall for someone that wall is down completely...


    God I wish you were wrong! but I always end up doing this, and end up hurt. It's learning from the pain that we grow
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    Mar 11, 2011 5:27 PM GMT
    I have always had some pretty big walls up around me! I have always been a really private person and don't like everyone always knowing my business. People that I feel close to the walls usually come down or somewhat down! I always follow my instincts to tell me if someone is trustworthy or not. Most of the time my instincts or gut feelings are right but there have been some times they have been a little off and like others have gotten burned! But that is part of life. I am just a little more cautious the next time. I think a lot of times I am guarded because a turn off for me is when you tell/ share something private w/ someone they end up telling everyone else! Guess this kind of strays from the subject a little but that is probably the reason my walls have gotten a little taller/ bigger through the years!

    Happy Friday to you also Brad!

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    Mar 12, 2011 12:16 AM GMT
    hauptstimme saidGay men make especially some of the best liars on the planet.

    I don't think I need to say anymore.


    haha...hopefully i won't run into that!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2011 1:38 AM GMT
    My wall is my boundaries and the space outside lessens and lessens as I learn my lesson. Don't deny your boundaries!
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    Mar 12, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    A wall....with a little moat around it....a few sea serpents in the moat and some snipers in the guard tower...nothing over the top, though.
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    Mar 12, 2011 1:48 AM GMT
    I tend to look at all relationships, straight or gay with a potential of getting hurt. One is not more honorable than the other, the key is finding that balance and inner voice when you know some people are not ready for a relationship whether a friendship, loving, etc. Some people have not grown up, other have but do not block away yourself from experiencing what is out there because you could be missing some great key individuals.