Just recently split up with my first BF, We still live together, his new BF is coming to visit...

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    Mar 11, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    So I just split up with the first guy I have ever dated, after a year and a half together. We were separated, and kinda back and forth for the past few months...We are very close still, and have an amazing bond and friendship. We officially split up about a month ago, and he has a new BF already. It's hard enough to know he has a new BF in such a short amount of time, BUT NOW HE IS COMING TO VISIT FOR THE WEEKEND!!! He is staying at OUR place. AWKWARD! Am I just being to sensitive, and need to just man up!?! Or is it insensitive of my ex to invite him here so soon after our split?? Gentleman, I am trying to be an adult about this. Opinions?? Thoughts!?!?
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    Mar 11, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    He sounds like an insensitive prick if you ask me and you're well rid.

    Not that you should feel you have to, but can you get away that weekend so you're not there? Otherwise it will be really awkward and unpleasant for you and his new bf I would have thought, like what if you hear them having sex etc?
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Mar 11, 2011 2:36 PM GMT
    I'd say it's a bit insensitive, though if you care about him as a friend, you will have to accept his choice of boyfriends sooner or later, eh?

    It seems like it's a little quick to have the new bf staying over while apparently you're both under the same roof...but maybe use this whole episode as motivation to find more fish in the sea in your own right.
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    Mar 11, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    I would just join in with them every chance I got to be a royal pain in the ass, so ge won't bring him back. Hey, if he brings him into your house, he can't expect you to just disappear.
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    Mar 11, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    I would just join in with them every chance I got to be a royal pain in the ass, so ge won't bring him back. Hey, if he brings him into your house, he can't expect you to just disappear.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 11, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    Yeah I think he is being a douche about it. I mean seriously it's only been a month, and it has me wondering how long has he really been seeing this guy icon_confused.gif
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    Mar 11, 2011 2:59 PM GMT
    "We were separated, and kinda back and forth for the past few months...We are very close still, and have an amazing bond and friendship."

    In light of the fact your relationship has been on again off again and finally officially ended, does this really bother you that much? It must have occurred to both of you that living together after the break-up would mean you'd be meeting each others' new BFs when they came to visit. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 11, 2011 3:44 PM GMT
    It sounds like you're not completely over him yet. If I were in your situation, I would suggest that they stay at a hotel and offer to pay half of the cost. I think that's a reasonable compromise. This way you get to spend time with him whenever it's convenient for the parties involved, while at the same time avoiding potential conflicts, awkwardness, jealousy, etc.
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    Mar 11, 2011 4:15 PM GMT
    My ex and I were together for 17 years and split 2 years ago. Unfortunately, because of the bad real estate market, we've been forced to live together. The good news is that we do still care about each other and RESPECT each other, so neither of us brings new bfs here when the other is home. If we want to have someone over, we discuss it and try to work it out. It all comes down to respecting that, while we are no longer together, there is no reason to make things any more uncomfortable than they already are.

    I would suggest sitting your ex down and asking him if he would consider your feelings and not bring the new bf into your home while you are there. If he is unwilling to do that, that speaks volumes about his character. At that point, I'd ask a friend if I could stay with them for the weekend. If you rent instead of own your place, I'd spend the weekend looking for a new place to live.
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    Mar 11, 2011 10:05 PM GMT
    He does not need your permission to date. Dating means sleep overs. Sleep overs mean having boys over.

    He was considerate in saying "hey, I am dating a boy and he ill be coming over this weekend." That was your cue to express your feelings on it.

    So what can you do? Make plans to be out of the house. Give them space so they can have fun and you can not witness stuff that will bother you.

    After this weekend see how you feel about things. Living with your ex can be difficult. And if this weekend persistently bothers you it is time to move out.
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    Mar 11, 2011 10:08 PM GMT
    he could be trying to make you jealous, so you will get over yourself and get back together and stop playing stupid games.
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    Mar 11, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
    Man thats such an uncomfortable situation since the break up is so new. I guess since you guys have been on & off again my guess is hes been talking to this guy the whole time, anyway....

    I think since you guys are sharing the place its equally both of yours but he still couldve been a little more considerate & talked to you about it first other than saying this dude is coming over.

    Why cant they stay at this other guys place until things calm down with you guys? You guys have to come to an understanding as exs & roomates, if your not comfortable with the outcome you might have to move out to have some time to get over things.

    It kills me how some guys just flip their emotions off like a light switch not considering how it affects the person that they say they "loved".
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    Mar 11, 2011 10:51 PM GMT
    if you felt uncomfortable, tell him. if he care, he would make changes. if he didn't, be glad that you are not with him anymore.
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    Mar 11, 2011 10:58 PM GMT
    Was your break up mutual or just by him? If it was just by him, he's being an asshole and he's probably giving you the hint that maybe it's time to move out? I'd move out as soon as you can. It's not going to be a good time for any of you.
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    Mar 11, 2011 11:25 PM GMT
    Thanks guys! I just decide to make myself scarce, he owns the house, I am talking to other people of interest to get myself started with something new, I just felt it was rude not to even ask me before the ticket was purchased. He was kinda a dick about it, I asked him if he was playing a fucking game to make me jealous, he said no he is really serious about this guy. I do care about him, but that just goes to show I can be insensitive when I bring someone new home, and tell him to fuck off. Till then I will take the high road, and kill both of them with kindness. I ma glad they decided not to hang out tonight with our friends and I, If I saw them making out or anything like that, it would ruin my night and i'd probably tear his head off.icon_twisted.gif
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:23 AM GMT
    Irishjock30 saidThanks guys! I just decide to make myself scarce, he owns the house, I am talking to other people of interest to get myself started with something new, I just felt it was rude not to even ask me before the ticket was purchased. He was kinda a dick about it, I asked him if he was playing a fucking game to make me jealous, he said no he is really serious about this guy. I do care about him, but that just goes to show I can be insensitive when I bring someone new home, and tell him to fuck off. Till then I will take the high road, and kill both of them with kindness. I ma glad they decided not to hang out tonight with our friends and I, If I saw them making out or anything like that, it would ruin my night and i'd probably tear his head off.icon_twisted.gif


    "I asked him if he was playing a fucking game to make me jealous, he said no he is really serious about this guy."
    ...and I think he said this because as you mentioned earlier, you treat him like this,
    " We are very close still, and have an amazing bond and friendship."
    so he's being honest.
    When I split up with a guy and continued living with him I expected his life would be his, and mine, mine. Was it hard at times, when I did this? Sometimes no, and sometimes yes. I learned to navigate it, and eventually learned it wasn't a fit for me; I was better off on my own.

    -Doug
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:25 AM GMT
    dude, seriously? ouch! that cannot be easy. the only thing i can say is, get out as soon as you can. it's time to take care of you, and you can't do that where you are. move out and move on.
  • conquer

    Posts: 305

    Mar 12, 2011 5:30 AM GMT
    more than a bit insensitive, he's being a complete asshole. i'd have my stuff moved out by the time the new bf shows up. i'd also re-evaluate the relationship
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:40 AM GMT
    ew move out asap.
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:47 AM GMT
    that's fucked up
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:48 AM GMT
    I'd be like "fuck off, I would have the decency to go to their place instead so I'll make sure he doesn't come back if he comes here"
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:53 AM GMT
    Some guys are so inconsiderate of other guys feelings.
    Honestly, bringing a guy over,WITHOUT ASKING YOU BEFORE, is totally stupid. In this case its even worse!
    I mean, I live with a roomate, and we always communicate,asks if we ring guest over,etc.
    I think I would just plan to move from your place ASAP and tell him how you feel,but still plan to be out that weekend because you cant force him to go somewhere else.
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:55 AM GMT
    snowboarder saidI think I would just plan to move from your place ASAP and tell him how you feel,but still plan to be out that weekend because you cant force him to go somewhere else.

    If I owned the place or signed the lease or whatever the fuck you do I would totally kick him out. icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 12, 2011 6:03 AM GMT
    AndrewDavidAlexander said
    snowboarder saidI think I would just plan to move from your place ASAP and tell him how you feel,but still plan to be out that weekend because you cant force him to go somewhere else.

    If I owned the place or signed the lease or whatever the fuck you do I would totally kick him out. icon_lol.gif


    lol totally, with his stuff all thrown the fuck out the place ASAP with a note saying fuck you. I love dealing with shit like that lol
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    Mar 12, 2011 6:26 AM GMT
    kick his fuckin ass bro