Just came out to my Mom... but she doesn't believe me...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    What should I do?
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    What did she say exactly? She might need time to process the conversation
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:58 PM GMT
    She said... " I don't believe you are gay.... I want you to go to a prostitute... lol.... I dont believe you are gay... I'll get you a girl!"
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    Mar 12, 2011 6:01 PM GMT
    I had a similar experience with my dad. He asked, "are you sure about this? maybe you're just shy?"

    I replied that I had been with women, and I had been with men, and it was very clear to me.

    It'll sink eventually; it just takes time. At least it doesn't seem like her reaction was negative in itself. That's a good start! icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 12, 2011 6:02 PM GMT
    Make a sex video and show it to her!
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    Mar 12, 2011 6:08 PM GMT
    highcaliber saidI had a similar experience with my dad. He asked, "are you sure about this? maybe you're just shy?"

    I replied that I had been with women, and I had been with men, and it was very clear to me.

    It'll sink eventually; it just takes time. At least it doesn't seem like her reaction was negative in itself. That's a good start! icon_wink.gif



    "Just shy"...........gtfo
    What the hell dose shy have to do with it.

    It's denial...be patient, she has a few more stages to go through.
  • Syphon

    Posts: 366

    Mar 12, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    She's in denial.

    She'll either come to terms with it eventually on her own... or not. Either way it's your life so meh.
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    Mar 12, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    Either way, congrats. You're an inspiration.
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    Mar 12, 2011 6:30 PM GMT
    It will take some time for your loved ones to process this new development, just as it took you time to accept who you are.

    I just came out to my mother and brother this week myself. It still feels surreal.
    They both said similar things about me not having found Ms. Right, and were shocked.
    But they reassured me they still love me no matter what, and that's all I needed to hear. icon_biggrin.gif







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    Mar 12, 2011 6:31 PM GMT


    Invite a guy over and kiss him in front of her
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    Mar 12, 2011 6:34 PM GMT
    my mom did the same thing. She said i acted to manly to be gay. Guess she watches too much tv.
  • matt13226

    Posts: 829

    Mar 12, 2011 6:35 PM GMT
    i came out to my parents senior year in high school and didnt really believe it thought it was a phase or something i had to go to therapy i thought it was utter bullshit (pardon my language) so cancelled with the therapist you my advice to you would be just to be yourself they will come around my family somewhat has it has been 3 years since that happened. so just be yourself it will all work out in the end.
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    Mar 12, 2011 6:43 PM GMT
    DAN_THE_MAN saidWhat should I do?


    Same thing here.....too many girlfriends coming and going before I decided to face facts.....

    Bring the object of your affections around to the house.......icon_wink.gif
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Mar 12, 2011 6:43 PM GMT
    DAN_THE_MAN saidShe said... " I don't believe you are gay.... I want you to go to a prostitute... lol.... I dont believe you are gay... I'll get you a girl!"


    First of all, congrats on coming out to your Mother...it takes a lot of courage.

    As for your Mom, perhaps you need to give her a little bit of time. You could also visit a gay bookstore, and ask if they can suggest a book for parents who are coming to terms with the fact that their child is gay.

    Perhaps if you approach your Mother again in the near term, you can stress to her that this is who you are...and it's not because of anything she did or didn't do. I think that's the biggest issue for parents when they have difficulty accepting that their child is gay: they think they did something wrong.

    Having a book handy, or information from PFLAG (perhaps a brochure?) may also help make this easier for you both.

    Fortunately you're in Toronto, and there are LOTS of resources available...just check out PFLAG's website:

    http://www.pflagcanada.ca/chapters/Toronto/html/home.htm

    I hope it works out well for you.
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    Mar 12, 2011 6:47 PM GMT
    I encourage you to be sensitive to your mother's feelings.

    My mother had a vision of the future (i.e. a wife) for me that I did not dare to contradict for many years. I understand it will take time for her to modify that dream, based on the new reality of me being gay.

    She also expressed her worries over the prejudice and hate that still exist today. I told her I can take care of myself, and that I would be A-OK as long as I had her love.



  • allatonce

    Posts: 904

    Mar 12, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    She's in denial, she'll get used to it. Sounds like she just needs time to accept it.
  • sumdude

    Posts: 64

    Mar 12, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    get a super hawt prostitue and take a very hot buddy along / or neighbour or someone and have fun.
    This might just be disturbingly awkward if your mother insists on going with you.
  • sumdude

    Posts: 64

    Mar 12, 2011 7:07 PM GMT
    seriously though - she sounds cool, if a little disturbed right now. i honestly think it should be fine - but the idea of helpful literature might be good. you're not the first person to have this problem and if someone has compiled some advice based on this, you could do worse than to read it. good luck buddy.
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    Mar 12, 2011 7:19 PM GMT
    you didn't come to terms with being gay overnight...neither will your mom....be patient and loving and give her time to process it.....Keithicon_wink.gif
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    Mar 12, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    WOW... THANKS GUYS for the support and advice... its greatly appreciated!

    I think she is handling it great now its been a couple of hours... She will be fine.. she's still in denial... but it will take time like you guys say...

    On another note... if other guys are reading this who are still in the closet... i understand being scared but from my experience thinking about it was 100x worse than from what really happened...

    So just go for it!
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    Mar 12, 2011 7:38 PM GMT
    I told my mom over the phone...and she told the rest of the family. I have no idea what their stance on it is because I was deprived such a chance to tell them myself, but one thing is I just don't like going home to the religious family I have. They're trying to come to terms with it by switching from a gay unfriendly methodist church to an accepting methodist church. This is 5 years after I came out to them. 5 years is much too long to have to be STILL coming to terms with that and treating me in such an offensive manner when coming home.

    I have no interest in going to church at this point...very bitter and don't want any association with such people. I hate going home because I get nagged to go to church every fucking sunday and that's all they talk about when I'm home is church. I am given the guilt trip whenever I go home for less than 7 days after not being home for most of the year (I only go home when I feel like I have to, like thanksgiving or christmas or when they make me feel guilty I haven't been home since last christmas...). My brother converted to catholicism last year, and that's offensive to me too.

    He's getting married in May, which means I have to see family then anyway. I was invited to the bachelor party, but I don't drink or know his friends so don't really want to go...plus it's during school and I'm busy enough teaching and taking classes.
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    Mar 12, 2011 7:38 PM GMT
    Draper saidShow her your RJ profile.



    I agree. Once she sees that Mens Health and Mens Exercise are among your favorite magazines and that you call Royksopp a rock band, she will surely know you are gay. j/k
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    Mar 12, 2011 7:42 PM GMT
    HeartRobb said
    Draper saidShow her your RJ profile.



    I agree. Once she sees that Mens Health and Mens Exercise are among your favorite magazines and that you call Royksopp a rock band, she will surely know you are gay. j/k


    HEY... LOL icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 12, 2011 7:49 PM GMT
    OK, now to be serious. Congratulations on coming out. Now allow her some time to digest what you have told her. Remember she is starting at the point of denial which for many parents comes after the angry 'don't ever speak to me, I never want to see you again' stage, so you are already ahead of where many gay people are with a parent. Giver her time and she will come around.
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    Mar 12, 2011 7:52 PM GMT
    Take her to a real classy gay restaurant and don't say a word about it. It opened my whole world to the love of my Mother. DO IT!!! I promise there is nothing left to tell.