Is there any hope for a long-lasting monogamous relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2011 9:09 AM GMT
    I am a little old-fashioned-- I want to be in a loving relationship that lasts. I've heard some people (some anti-gay, some not) say that most gay partnerships don't last more than a few years, and ones that do usually become open relationships (which I don't want).

    Is it to much to hope for to find a partner who will stick by me 'till death do us part?
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    Mar 13, 2011 9:17 AM GMT
    To be honest:

    That's a tall order for straight couples nowadays! Marriage til the end is hard for anyone. I think it does happen but I do imagine you have to stay away from gay popular culture, the scene and the mentality of hoplessness in relationships that dogs the gay community.

    My two cents. I know committed gay couples tho.
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    Mar 13, 2011 12:25 PM GMT
    Dissonance saidI am a little old-fashioned-- I want to be in a loving relationship that lasts. I've heard some people (some anti-gay, some not) say that most gay partnerships don't last more than a few years, and ones that do usually become open relationships (which I don't want).


    If you believe this, you're an idiot.

    Gay marriages aren't any different from straight ones. There are more open relationships in the straight world than you can possibly imagine. My parents had one for awhile, as did some of their friends. A few straight couples I know have jumped in and out of open relationships. Some have lasted, others have not. My partner and I went through that phase, and we grew out of it.

    Stop looking at everything as if it's all black and white.
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Mar 13, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    So long as both of you realize that a relationship takes work, after the honeymoon phase is over and that you both appreciate each other, there's no reason why you shouldn't find someone to stick by you. Sometimes though things fall apart but I think it is important to acknowledge that that can happen instead of shoving it to the back of your mind like so many people do. Talking about things takes the sting out of them!
    I have a feeling that Bill and Doug from meninlove will chip in any minute now and they are far more qualified than I am to talk about a long term committed relationship!
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    Mar 13, 2011 1:14 PM GMT
    Dissonance saidI am a little old-fashioned-- I want to be in a loving relationship that lasts. I've heard some people (some anti-gay, some not) say that most gay partnerships don't last more than a few years, and ones that do usually become open relationships (which I don't want).

    Is it to much to hope for to find a partner who will stick by me 'till death do us part?


    It's not 'old-fashioned' to want that; it's rather sweet.

    It happened for these two:

    tom-ford-robert-buckley-out-magazine-feb

    There is always hope.
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Mar 13, 2011 1:52 PM GMT
    Of course there is. I'm kind of a hopeless romantic myself. I used to get all disappointed about the issue. Then I took some time to work on myself. Make myself the best i could be and work on friendships. At this point if i find a relationship that would be great, but if i don't im happy with myself and the amazing family and friends i am lucky to have. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 13, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    [quote]

    Is it to much to hope for to find a partner who will stick by me 'till death do us part? [/quote]

    No, it's not too much to hope for.
    Now here's the tough part: you have to stick by him, too.
    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2011 2:18 PM GMT
    It's not "old-fashion" or impossible to find.
    What is impossible is to have the same: needs, wants, and understanding at 40 your did at 20.
    Hell, I was a Republican at 20.
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    Mar 13, 2011 2:19 PM GMT

    "Is it to much to hope for to find a partner who will stick by me 'till death do us part?"

    No, it isn't. Hope is fine, but over thinking it isn't because it can consume your enjoyment of every day. There are a great many men that wish for the same things you do, the trick is meeting them. So I recommend proceeding without expectations and see where meeting all kinds of new people leads you. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 13, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    It can be challenging, but I think it depends on circustances and the two people involved.
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    Mar 13, 2011 2:49 PM GMT
    it happens and is not too much to as for seriously.

    it requires patience, work, and of course, communication.

    my partner and i take it slow. we daily, but not too much. hang out with friends and live our lives. whatever works.

    try this, stop asking whether it's too much to as for and wait until it happens. it does not require an advanced degree to love anyone or care for them and vice versa; it requires communication and honesty. it helps.
  • macguyver32

    Posts: 75

    Mar 13, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    Hope is about you, not about it.
    I will always hope there is potential/possibility of a long term/forever relationship.
    It's what I want.
    I will always work towards that.
    I just hope I find a great guy who will work towards that with me.
  • wander2340

    Posts: 176

    Mar 13, 2011 3:06 PM GMT
    Sex is just one part of a successful relationship. This is why lots of "open" relationships are still successful.

    As others have said, you really need to remain open minded about the qualities of your soul mate. Make a list of the top 10 life long dreams and goals you have. Then, if you find a guy who matches up with you on 7 out of the 10 then you may have very well found the guy you've been searching for.

    It is possible to have a monogomous relationship but first you have to be capable of even having a relationship. If you're going to have a rule that is a deal breaker in a relationship it needs to be realistic that the average gay guy would never break it.

    And, one final comment.... it is possible to find your soul mate so you are right to be hopeful :-)
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 13, 2011 4:16 PM GMT
    i think it is possible buddy. i think it will be hard to find but i think it is out there for you. when you find it you must remember you have to work hard to keep it going. i think you should also be aware that it will take a 100% from both parties.
    i think there are guys out there who want what you want. hell i am one of them.
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    Mar 13, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    It is possible if and ONLY if you find a guy who you have perfect sexual compatibility with and he feels the same way about you too...it should be so strong that it never goes away even in future. The one and only reason why couples cheat or open up their relationship is because they are not sexually satisfied with each other.. or one partner is not satisfied with the other... this is why PERFECT sexual compatibility in a relationship is extremely important if you want to be monogamous forever. Also if the sex is good - usually everything else doesn't really matter too much.... however in a perfect world it isn't so easy to find that perfection with one single partner - most of the world is sexually frustrated - gay or str8....and believe me at some point or the other.. either they cheat or suffer in the name of monogamy.
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    Mar 13, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    It's possible and it's important to put that belief, once you have it, out into the universe. I've been told that if you send out conflicting messages, then, that's how it lands on the people that might pick up on what you are wanting.

    So, when you are ready, go for it! I'm ready and doing it myself.
    Better late than never, right?!
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    Mar 13, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    Voyageur22 saidIt is possible if and ONLY if you find a guy who you have perfect sexual compatibility with and he feels the same way about you too...it should be so strong that it never goes away even in future. The one and only reason why couples cheat or open up their relationship is because they are not sexually satisfied with each other.. or one partner is not satisfied with the other... this is why PERFECT sexual compatibility in a relationship is extremely important if you want to be monogamous forever. Also if the sex is good - usually everything else doesn't really matter too much....

    Is this supposed to be satire? I hope so.
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    Mar 13, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    Voyageur22 saidIt is possible if and ONLY if you find a guy who you have perfect sexual compatibility with and he feels the same way about you too...it should be so strong that it never goes away even in future. The one and only reason why couples cheat or open up their relationship is because they are not sexually satisfied with each other.. or one partner is not satisfied with the other... this is why PERFECT sexual compatibility in a relationship is extremely important if you want to be monogamous forever. Also if the sex is good - usually everything else doesn't really matter too much.... however in a perfect world it isn't so easy to find that perfection with one single partner - most of the world is sexually frustrated - gay or str8....and believe me at some point or the other.. either they cheat or suffer in the name of monogamy.

    480.gif
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    Mar 13, 2011 5:02 PM GMT
    Don't believe the hype... it is totally possible. I've been in one for over 10 years with no sign of any thoughts of an open relationship. Is it always easy? NO, but i don't think any relationship ever is. It takes a lot of work, communication, love and of course a good amount a great sex.
    Good luck, you can find it! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 13, 2011 5:58 PM GMT
    Dissonance saidI am a little old-fashioned-- I want to be in a loving relationship that lasts. I've heard some people (some anti-gay, some not) say that most gay partnerships don't last more than a few years, and ones that do usually become open relationships (which I don't want).

    Is it to much to hope for to find a partner who will stick by me 'till death do us part?


    Yes it is too much to hope - if you are looking for a man to be this partner. You have more chance if you get a dog
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    Mar 13, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    Not sure if long lasting gay relationships, and monogamy really go together; albeit you hear about them but never really ever get to see one.

    Matey just because your man is jumping the fence to bury his bone in the bitch next door, does not mean he does not love you either; some day you just have too wake up and relies the tooth fairy was never real, it's just not life.
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    Mar 13, 2011 6:18 PM GMT
    There is always hope but it is not easy...show me one long lasting relationship that has not had it's hard times where both sides felt like calling it quits but pushed thru, stayed together, and came out on the other side stronger and more committed then ever. You have to go into a relationship know this as well as being able to communicate with each other and be overly honest at times about certain things. Long term does not happen over night and it is not something you can just fall it do, you might not get married but you will still have to make a decision just as big.

    I know of a good number of long lasting monogamous relationships as well as open ones that are still monogamous, just b/c you fuck other guys does not mean you love your partner any more or less. You both have to figure out what is right for the both of you and not put constraints on what other people tell you is the right way to be in a relationship with your partner.
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    Mar 13, 2011 6:46 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    Voyageur22 saidIt is possible if and ONLY if you find a guy who you have perfect sexual compatibility with and he feels the same way about you too...it should be so strong that it never goes away even in future. The one and only reason why couples cheat or open up their relationship is because they are not sexually satisfied with each other.. or one partner is not satisfied with the other... this is why PERFECT sexual compatibility in a relationship is extremely important if you want to be monogamous forever. Also if the sex is good - usually everything else doesn't really matter too much....

    Is this supposed to be satire? I hope so.

    It certainly explains why so many relationships end after the (2-3 week, day or... hour) honeymoon is over.

    I don't know about V22, but one thing that seems to come up on RJ is that people who aren't in a relationship (let alone successful or long term) are the first to dole out relationship advice. (Often it goes a long way to explain why they are single, not why relationships don't/can't work.)
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    Mar 13, 2011 6:51 PM GMT
    hdurdinr saidSo long as both of you realize that a relationship takes work, after the honeymoon phase is over and that you both appreciate each other, there's no reason why you shouldn't find someone to stick by you. ...Talking about things takes the sting out of them!


    Squarepeg saidhere's the tough part: you have to stick by him, too.


    Simon78928 saidit is not easy...show me one long lasting relationship that has not had it's hard times where both sides felt like calling it quits but pushed thru, stayed together, and came out on the other side stronger and more committed then ever. You have to go into a relationship know this as well as being able to communicate with each other and be overly honest at times about certain things. Long term does not happen over night


    Much better answers!
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    Mar 13, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    Speaking from experience, it is definitely possible. However, you cannot shove monogamy down your guy's throat. Monogamy, by definition, requires a deliberate, voluntary, uncoerced act of seflessness from both parties. In other words, it has to be entered into by both parties without any reservation, vascillation, or ambiguity; otherwise, the relationship is doomed to fail. My observation is that guys who are able to enter into a successful monogamous relationship tend to be less immersed (or not immersed at all) in the stereotypical gay lifestyle, e.g., they rarely go to gay bars, they do not attend circuit parties, they do not frequent exclusively gay-oriented events or places, etc. I think the temptation to breach the code of monogamy is greater when you're constantly surrounded by all things gay.