I need boy advice please!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2011 7:03 PM GMT
    Alright guys, I really need help on this one.

    I was at a gay club last night. I met this guy by the bar that was really hot, great body and great smile. He rejected a guy who talked to him before me, but did not reject me so I was thinking "cool, I have a chance". We talk a bunch and I find out he is in the army (I know, made him way hotter) and he lives about 2 hours outside of Atlanta in Columbus, Ga.

    Anyways, I thought he was interested because he bought me a patron shot without me asking or anything and we were a bit touchy-feely. So I told him next time he is in the city, he should call me and we will hang out. He said he will let me know next time he is in town and gave me his number and made me call him so he could save mine. These are all good signs.

    We parted ways for a awhile. Later in the night I am dancing with friends and he suavely comes up to me and we dance. I tried to kiss him and he said that he doesn't want to kiss me because we just met, which is all cool with me and I can respect that. I didn't push it. But get this, as we are dancing, he leaves me and goes up to these two guys that were dancing together next to us and says "we should make out" and he makes out with both of them.

    That was an instant "bummer, he isn't interested in me" moment because he wouldn't kiss me other than on the cheek. I mean, maybe he knew those guys already so he would make out with them, I don't know.

    What do you guys think? Most of the signs point to him being interested (buying me a shot, giving me his number, finding me and dancing with me, etc.) but the making out with other guys when he wouldn't kiss me is a big sign that he wasn't interested. Do you think he is or is not interested? Should I bother texting him with all the usual "it was great to meet you" stuff? Honest advice is welcome and won't hurt my feelings! I can take it icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2011 7:20 PM GMT
    Mixed messages are always fun.

    Either he likes you and has a bunch of archaic rules about how to act with a guy he likes, or he just wants to be friends with you.
    So if you like him, go ahead and tell him and make plans to go out.
    Based on what you said, I'm not sure if you want to date him or want to jump his bones. Mostly what you said about the guy is about how he turns you on.

    If you want to date him, call him, but if you just want sex, it's probably ok to text him.
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    Mar 13, 2011 7:28 PM GMT
    Ermine saidMixed messages are always fun.

    Either he likes you and has a bunch of archaic rules about how to act with a guy he likes, or he just wants to be friends with you.
    So if you like him, go ahead and tell him and make plans to go out.
    Based on what you said, I'm not sure if you want to date him or want to jump his bones. Mostly what you said about the guy is about how he turns you on.

    If you want to date him, call him, but if you just want sex, it's probably ok to text him.


    I am just looking to date. I don't hookup. I know it sounds the other way around based on what I said. He was very cute but also seemed like a really great, down to earth guy. I was going to put that in my OP, but I figured it was long enough already haha.

    Thanks for the advice! The messages were extremely mixed. I was pretty clear that I was interested in more than friendship last night before I got his number, so he should know. But yeah I guess I should tell him and give it a shot.
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    Mar 14, 2011 12:53 AM GMT
    What this seems to me is that he was lining you up, playing you along until something nicer came along and if it didn't he'd still have you. I get the impression he wanted you on reserve.

    From reading your post above, this is not the kind of guy you are looking for. We don't know the context of it all and why he was making out with two (2!) other guys in front of you, but it doesn't look too well for him at this moment.

    It's still your call to make or text. I don't like the whole game playing stuff, though you have to keep in mind what kind of signal you're giving off, if he makes out with total strangers in front of you and you still show interest.

    I think you deserve (and want) better. Just my two cents. Hope you had a good time too icon_smile.gif
  • laguna07

    Posts: 124

    Mar 14, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    I totally agree with Lux! This guy was "working the room" to line up some action. Obviously you were disappointed because you found him attractive and hit it off, but honestly he was just looking out for himself and probably didn't really care about your feelings. Most of us have experienced this and are maybe even guilty of it. You sound like a really nice, sensitive guy...you deserve so much better than this jerk!
  • BeerIsYummy

    Posts: 65

    Mar 14, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    I find it's best not to try and decode what people are doing when they are drinking. There could be a multitude of reasons for what he did. It could be as simple as by the time he got to the two guys, that shot you guys took kicked in and his wild side came out.

    Earlier in the night, he gave you signs he was into you. Later in the night, he made out with two guys in front of you, indicating he wasn't. That could of been his way of letting you know he just wants to be friends. I've met people at the bar that I've liked in a friend way and bought them a drink. I know every time I want to do a shot, I buy them for who's ever with me, even if I just met them.

    Either way, don't worry about it and don't think it's a reflection on you. If he does call you, try a sober activity and see what happens when booze is out of the equation.
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    Mar 14, 2011 1:17 AM GMT
    I say still call him. Might give you a chance to get to know him better, and even figure out what's up with those two other guys. If you end up getting together with him, you'll see if he's a keeper or just a waste of time.
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    Mar 14, 2011 1:20 AM GMT
    Well, the first thing i can tell you, like everyone had tell me, dont fall in love with someone in a gay bar. no matters how hot he might be. And, i guess he is not interested on you for something normal, he might want you for other thing...i dont have experience with guys, but, i dont see a reason for you to call him etc. Your hot, yes, but find someone who really put attention to you. =)
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    Mar 14, 2011 1:28 AM GMT
    id say call/text him, what have you got to lose?
  • Peteyboy583

    Posts: 32

    Mar 14, 2011 1:30 AM GMT
    I'd say call him, you never know what was actually going on at the time. Worst case senario? You find out whether he is interested and figure it out from there.
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    Mar 14, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    heybreaux saidThe fact that he rejected a kiss and then went off to establish one when he knew that was what you wanted (and in front of you) defines him as a douchebag.

    Case closed. Next!


    Exactly icon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    He was feeling a little testosterone. It sounds like he is interested as he did give you his number and he spent money on you.

    He might see you as potentially more than just a trick.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Mar 14, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    sounds like he is a deep-in-the-closet military man who was wild on the make that night.

    watch yourself with this one!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    Thanks Lux and Laguna for the nice comments!

    I appreciate everyone's advice! See, this is the nice side of RJ I knew existed haha. Everything was extremely helpful! Even though the advice was pretty much split 50/50 between call him and forget him haha.

    I am beginning to think he was either just not that into me or the kind of guy I probably won't want to get involved in. Just the mixed messages drove me crazy. I am ok with a guy not being into me. I don't need to have my ego protected, but I would have just liked to know!
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Mar 14, 2011 2:03 AM GMT
    Sounds like a classic case of " One eye on the door syndrome" to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 2:09 AM GMT
    An old friend once defined the behavior of gay men in a bar as Brownian Motion, i.e., the totally random motion of gas molecules.
    So think of whatever someone says or does in a gay bar as meaningless. To guess their true intentions, if any, you must observe them in a real-word setting.
    Call him and suggest you grab a coffee or something equally noncommittal, and see if there is a vibe.
  • matt13226

    Posts: 829

    Mar 14, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    i say call him and talk to him see if you can meet again i would give him benefit of the doubt because what if he does know them and u bring it up things could get awkward between u guys.
  • MusclePhilly

    Posts: 2

    Mar 14, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    When I'm trying to decode another guy's intentions from his conduct, I always start with Newton's first law of gay dynamics: when two gay men are mutually and sincerely attracted to each other, they will find a way to communicate their intentions and then go on a date, kiss, hookup, etc.

    It's usually a bad sign when one guy is interested in another guy and expresses that interest (that would be you), but the other guy gives conflicting signals.

    If the army guy were sincere about getting to know you, he would not have refused your kiss and then immediately -- and right in front of you! -- kiss 2 strangers! First impressions are important, and this conduct sends a lousy message.

    If you try to follow-up with him, I see lots of drama and heartbreak in your future.
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    Mar 14, 2011 2:39 AM GMT
    This is the awful sort of thing that makes one want to forgo dating all together!

    I know others are saying give him another chance. And you might as well. But you just wonder if he realizes he has to improve on his failed first impression.

    Did you communicate with him at the bar any AFTER he had the 3way makeout session?
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    Mar 14, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    RunintheCity saidDid you communicate with him at the bar any AFTER he had the 3way makeout session?


    Nope, I was kinda like "well screw that" and went and found my friends. I was just disappointed so I didn't feel like talking to him.

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    Mar 14, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    Are you interested in him (cuz it seems that he is)?

    He may not be the datable kind of guy, but for a fling...I'd say go for it! It seems to me that maybe the couple that he made out with, could possibly be friends of his (loosely put). The signals that he was sending tells me that he likes you. The fooling around with the couple, just sounds like alcohol was more in control (at that moment).

    And, if you (and he)do choose to pursue something more than a romp, that's for another topic...but you won't know how things turn out if you do nothing.
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    Mar 14, 2011 3:56 AM GMT
    wade_in_BC saidAre you interested in him (cuz it seems that he is)?

    He may not be the datable kind of guy, but for a fling...I'd say go for it! It seems to me that maybe the couple that he made out with, could possibly be friends of his (loosely put). The signals that he was sending tells me that he likes you. The fooling around with the couple, just sounds like alcohol was more in control (at that moment).

    And, if you (and he)do choose to pursue something more than a romp, that's for another topic...but you won't know how things turn out if you do nothing.


    I am definitely interested. He is extremely good looking and we got along real well, so I was definitely crushing on him. But I am not looking to just roll around the sack with him. I am looking to date a guy and not hook up.

    I did think about the fact that he was drunk. He was fairly sober when we met, but after our shots and as the night progressed, I could tell he was pretty drunk (as was I). But still, if he had kissed the guys but also kissed me, then it would be "whatever", but the fact that he wouldn't kiss me except on the cheek is what gets me.

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    Mar 14, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    if thats the way he acts drunk, then imo youre better off.

    hes a douchebag. :O
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    Mar 14, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    KSUOWL said
    wade_in_BC saidAre you interested in him (cuz it seems that he is)?

    He may not be the datable kind of guy, but for a fling...I'd say go for it! It seems to me that maybe the couple that he made out with, could possibly be friends of his (loosely put). The signals that he was sending tells me that he likes you. The fooling around with the couple, just sounds like alcohol was more in control (at that moment).

    And, if you (and he)do choose to pursue something more than a romp, that's for another topic...but you won't know how things turn out if you do nothing.


    I am definitely interested. He is extremely good looking and we got along real well, so I was definitely crushing on him. But I am not looking to just roll around the sack with him. I am looking to date a guy and not hook up.

    I did think about the fact that he was drunk. He was fairly sober when we met, but after our shots and as the night progressed, I could tell he was pretty drunk (as was I). But still, if he had kissed the guys but also kissed me, then it would be "whatever", but the fact that he wouldn't kiss me except on the cheek is what gets me.



    oooor maybe her has herps. and didnt want to pass it on.
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    Mar 14, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    don't worry about it, maybe he was there with one or both of the guys he made out with and didn't want to kiss you in front of them.

    gay men = flakes

    and just like snow, there a millions to choose from.