Just told my parents

  • anfguy8989

    Posts: 9

    Mar 14, 2011 4:45 AM GMT
    I've never even discussed my attraction to guys with anyone until I told a friend last year. I felt it was time to have the conversation with my parents today, so I did. This was the hardest thing I've done, but also very freeing. I feel like I no longer have to lie to them. I'm from a conservative family and I am a Christian so it makes it hard, but I was honest with them and they seemed to initially handle it pretty well. I don't think they get it yet, but this was somewhat a shock. I could already tell that the fact their son was telling them this they were rethinking how they felt about this issue. It's still a uphill battle, and this is only the beginning of the conversation, but right now I am glad I told them.
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    Mar 14, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    lol, your world just got a whole lot bigger, and theirs, too!
    Congrats, eh?

    -us
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    Mar 14, 2011 7:31 AM GMT
    Congrats!
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    Mar 14, 2011 7:37 AM GMT
    anfguy8989 saidI've never even discussed my attraction to guys with anyone until I told a friend last year. I felt it was time to have the conversation with my parents today, so I did. This was the hardest thing I've done, but also very freeing. I feel like I no longer have to lie to them. I'm from a conservative family and I am a Christian so it makes it hard, but I was honest with them and they seemed to initially handle it pretty well. I don't think they get it yet, but this was somewhat a shock. I could already tell that the fact their son was telling them this they were rethinking how they felt about this issue. It's still a uphill battle, and this is only the beginning of the conversation, but right now I am glad I told them.


    Jesus has already looked out for our lives... Now you are finding out the compassion he left behind too. He knows the life we are given is not always gonna be perfect... But, he STILL IS an older brother in mind, body and soul.
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    Mar 14, 2011 7:43 AM GMT
    The first step frees us to take the second, and third.......as a brother, I am proud of you - you have just opened your wings. Congrats!.........Keithicon_wink.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 14, 2011 7:55 AM GMT
    It sounds like it went really well.
    I think that an awful lot of people are accepting when they find out that somebody they know and love is gay. It puts a normal face on it for them.
    Good for you.
  • shiningstar

    Posts: 71

    Mar 14, 2011 10:30 AM GMT
    it is very difficult step when u r from conservative family,u have enough courage to do this,i think i cant ever
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 14, 2011 10:47 AM GMT
    Bravo to you .... and to your family

    When you can live your life without lying
    and share who you really are with the ones you love
    There is nothing like it in this world

    icon_biggrin.gif Congrats
  • shiningstar

    Posts: 71

    Mar 15, 2011 6:08 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    shiningstar saidit is very difficult step when u r from conservative family,u have enough courage to do this,i think i cant ever

    I was gonna respond with just a quote from Henry Ford: "whether you think you can or think you can't, you're probably right" but then I saw you live in Pakistan. You definitely have unique challenges that I probably can't relate to.

    But I am reminded of swaths of barren land, and in the tiniest furtile patch (only a few square inches) a flower will grow. You never know what opportunities to live your dreams will come to you, SS; be open to them so you'll recognize them and seize upon them when they're offered to you.

    Best wishes.


    Thanks for such nice quotes,these r really encouraging.yeah i m anxiously waiting for good time.
    Thanks for wishes
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Mar 15, 2011 6:21 AM GMT
    Congrats! You've taken a big step. Give your parents some time if they have some problems accepting this at first. It took you 29 years to come to terms with this and share this with them, so expect some bumps in the road from them. But, give them the support and resources they need to come around.
  • anfguy8989

    Posts: 9

    May 08, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    UPDATE: Things are different and sometimes awkward around my parents. They are dealing with the fact that I told them I was gay, but haven't had much to say about the matter.
    My Dad has talked to me once in depth about it on the phone and he was very angry about the entire situation, which seems to be part of the process for some people. The next time I saw him he gave me the info for a Christian counselor (Note: I am a Christian, and I take being a Christ follower serious) who works with people who say they are LBGT, and I'm sure probably tries to convince them they are not. I thought about going, which would be more just a way to please my parents and let them think that I was willing to try it their way. Then I realized it would just be fake and I'm afraid I would just get pushed back into the closet and waste possibly years of my life trying to understand or change something that isn't going to change. They haven't ever followed up, so I just dropped the issue.

    I'm currently thinking about coming out to my room-mate. We are really close and more like brothers. I'm afraid of how he might take it. I just don't want things to change between us, and the unknown is somewhat frightening.

    I have two brothers, one has been out of the country since all of these recent developments have happened in my life. I can't wait for him to get back so I can talk to him. I'm having to pace myself not to just blurt it out at the airport when he arrives, joke...

    Sorry for the rambling, but I appreciate the feedback. I have been encourage by others who have walked this journey, so I thought it was only fitting that I post pieces of my experience for others.
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    May 08, 2011 4:02 AM GMT
    Belated congratulations...must have been hard to stick to your guns about the therapy.
    As for the roommate, if he's as close as you say, I'm sure he'll be fine, They usually get upset that you were scared to tell them.

    Keep walking the journeyicon_smile.gif
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    May 08, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    like the post icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 09, 2011 3:16 AM GMT
    Bravo! Live free and let the Light shine from you!
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    May 09, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidMan...some threads on RJ just getting repeated and repeated and repeated and it bores me to sleep.

    Except coming-out posts. I could read coming-out posts all day long. The combination of angst, fear, tension, love, need, and ultimately the emotional release from acceptance makes for some of the most compelling stories I've ever heard.




    i agree. congrats on coming out good luck.
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    May 09, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    great for you!!!!!!
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    May 09, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    Happy birthday to your new world
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    May 09, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    Congratulations!

    My opinion is that I don't think we come out to get acceptance. We don't have any control over that. Instead, we come out to put an end to the lies, deceptions, fears and uncertainty. Once I understood that, I was able to come out to people. If they don't accept it...fine...life goes on for me. But either way, I don't have to lie anymore.

    So, you may wonder how they will process things in the future, but I can imagine you also have a sense of relief that "the announcement" is behind you. Good luck!
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    May 09, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    To the OP:

    Please tell how you presented the news to your parents.

    Did you convey it in a shameful manner or that you felt bad and was struggling with it? i.e., 'Mom Dad, I don't know how to tell you this but I've been struggling with something for awhile.....'

    Or was it moreso: 'Dad, Mom I'm gay and I figured I should let you know'. Not so much said in a defiant way but kinda matter-of-factly.

    I'm asking because in my experience, how the news is delivered sets the tone for how the recipients interact with you on that matter now and in the future.

    While I'm glad I came out, when I first told my mom it was moreso in a manner as though: 'I don't have the greatest news to tell you but here it goes....'. Took alot of repairing because of that approach. Had I been more confident, perhaps her initail reaction and how she handled it in the years to come may have been a bit different.

    I learned from that experience, and being that I'm comfortable with who I am, the news is delivered much differently now.



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    May 09, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    anfguy8989 saidUPDATE: ...
    Congrats on your success so far! Remember, coming out is a journey (which you're finding out quickly). I would give you advice, but it seems you're making all the right moves so far. Keep up the great work, and keep your head up. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 09, 2011 3:50 AM GMT

    It is an act of courage and self love - Good for you. It is a journey with a lot of twists and turns still likely to come.
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    May 09, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    this thread is full of win and tiger blood.
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    May 09, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    anfguy8989 saidUPDATE: ...
    Congrats on your success so far! Remember, coming out is a journey (which you're finding out quickly). I would give you advice, but it seems you're making all the right moves so far. Keep up the great work, and keep your head up. icon_biggrin.gif


    And I second this! Best wishes!
  • matt13226

    Posts: 829

    May 09, 2011 3:53 AM GMT
    congrats bro i came out 3 years ago and i know how you feel i am roman catholic so it is against my religion and it hit my mom and day pretty hard and i still dont think they are over it but they have gotten a bit better i should say just remember that they love ya no matter what and you will be fine.
  • anfguy8989

    Posts: 9

    May 31, 2011 7:14 AM GMT
    UPDATE 2

    My brother, I mentioned in a previous update, has been out of the country and has finally returned home. Until I saw him I couldn't wait to tell him, then it all became so real and I wasn't sure of when would be the right time.

    Here's a little background information. My middle brother (the one referenced) and I are very close; we have been all of our lives. We share some common interests and we can tell what each other is thinking in most situations. It's partly due to similarities in our personalities and partly our close and common upbringing.

    He has been married for 2 years and his wife is great. My brother is a Christian, we were raised protestant and his wife is Catholic. They both take their faith seriously. I truly love my sister-in-law and I consider her as much a part of our family as my brother. They are both: outspoken, conservative, and political; and both have made derogatory comments in the past about gays. I know they both know gay people through work and have no issues with them what-so-ever, they have even mentioned inequalities in the law that affects their gay co-workers.

    Considering previous conversations and remarks I really didn't know what to expect. This past weekend I went to their house for a movie. I thought this might be the right time, but I just wasn't sure if the timing would work. After the movie was over it was late, but we sat and made small talk. There wasn't really a pause in their conversation, so I sat and waited. Once the conversation between them stopped I told them that there was something I wanted to talk to them about. I first said how much I think of them, and specifically told her that I love her and consider her my sister. I went on to say, I feel comfortable in sharing my life with her just as I would my brother. My words seemed to be well received and she said she felt the same. They both sat there as I tried to find the right words.

    In my previous coming out discussions at this point I tear up and started crying. I think partly because of the shame I carried for so long and partly because it was such an emotional thing to admit out-loud to someone. In this instance I really held it together well; I may have had tears now and then, but really just spoke in truth and with confidence.
    Everything I said was very well received, at times they didn’t even seem to act like this even fazed them. I know it did to an extent and I know it was a shock, but they both were very accepting. What progressed over the next 3 hours was really more of a discussion and question and answer session. It really was great.

    In parting they both hugged me and said that they Love me. That is always great to hear, and I think I am beginning to learn through this life experience that Love can conquer all.