Opinions on my roommate...

  • JimJim

    Posts: 58

    Mar 14, 2011 5:17 AM GMT
    So I'm in college rooming with my good friend who I met here at school. He knows I'm gay (and I'm completely out at school) and is probably the most comfortable person around/with gay people as you can possibly imagine, but he self identifies as being straight.

    He told a while back how in high school he sometimes let this one gay guy blow him, but he never let it go farther than that. I thought that was whatever, he's still straight.

    However, soon after that, kind of out of the blue we've started forming a sexual relationship with each other. I honestly can't say how it started, but it did. Things we've done together so far include:

    -making out
    -cuddling together naked and falling asleep like that
    -jerking each other off
    -me giving him blow jobs (no reciprocation...(yet? idk...))
    -me fingering his ass (he has not fingered me)

    Additionally a lot of people have commented that the way we interact with each other is the way in which a couple would...many, including our other friends have joked that we're secretly a couple.

    None of this has made our relationship awkward in the least bit and if he started dating someone I'd be really happy for him. I don't consider us to be dating either. We're essentially friends with benefits, but discussed early on about not telling anybody about this though.

    I'm just concerned that maybe on some deeper level he's conflicted about his sexuality. Even after all we've done together he still self-identifies as straight, even if it's just us two alone in the room together talking with no one else listening, he'll refer to himself as straight. I believe him when he says he's attracted to women because he's hooked up with them as well and is also secretly in love with his best female friend from high school.

    So, again I don't doubt that he is also attracted to women but I feel like no straight guy would do what we've done together, am I right? I feel like he has to at least be bi.

    But you may ask, why does this matter? If he self identifies as straight, who's business is it other than his? I agree. But I would hate to think on some level he's unhappy with himself. But I don't want to bring it up for fear that he may get all defensive about it and then things would get awkward.

    So, yeah...what do you all think of this situation?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 5:26 AM GMT
    He's bi

    Next....
  • shiningstar

    Posts: 71

    Mar 14, 2011 11:24 AM GMT
    This is a little bit similar to my situation.
    I attracted towards both male and females but my roommate shows that he is straight but from last 2 months My roomamate and I touch each others body and cocks and I masturbate his cock,he didnt mine, we never discussed about sexuality actually he doesnt want to discuss as I have no sex experience and i think he also doesnt have and we just attracted towards each other and just touch and rub but this is uncertain situation as he doesnt want to discusss and how long it can last.we normally do this on weekends.All the time he initiated,but Last night I pretended to be slept and dont show my intention of just touching and holding cock so he didnt start.the reason of doing this i m confused and dont know wats that.i m hoping that he will leave the room so that i can get escape from that situation and can start any relationship seriously.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Mar 14, 2011 9:22 PM GMT
    He could be bi, or he could just be a narcissist. Straight guys who are narcissists just like the attention, sexual or otherwise, from either sex.

    I do think that in the last generation, so many straight guys are so open in their acceptance of sexuality that fooling around with a guy really isn't taboo anymore.

    I personally wouldn't draw the conclusion that he is gay or even fully bi. It's college experimentation definitely, but he might very well conclude that he likes girls better, so be prepared for that.

    Has he been actively chasing girls since you two have been fooling around?
  • fitnesshound

    Posts: 36

    Mar 14, 2011 9:30 PM GMT
    Go with how he identifies himself. It's his decision and he knows himself better than anyone. Even if he's fooling himself and is either Bi or (semi-secretly) Gay, if he identifies himself as straight, then for all practical purposes, that's what he is.
  • Riahtherockst...

    Posts: 107

    Mar 14, 2011 9:40 PM GMT
    I guess my question is why does it matter?

    People get too caught up in labels. If he has "inner conflict" over the matter he is getting caught up in the labels too.

    Therefore, it is no ones fault but his own.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 9:54 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidMaybe we risk ruining a good thing by trying to measure it.

    Why does he need a label? If you're happy with the situation and he's happy with the situation, just suck his brains out and be done with it. icon_lol.gif

    Fuck, if I had a friend that even just wanted to cuddle on the down-low, I wouldn't be lookin' that gift horse in the mouth....your sitch sounds hot...enviably hot. icon_biggrin.gif


    I agree. Enjoy having a cuddle buddy on the DL with a little extra fun.

    But please be careful. He may just like doing it and if he does get more serious in another relationship it may end quick with you two. You may not be attached yet but it's possible. I could also see he is not comfortable with his own sexuality yet (even is he is Straight.)

    I think even straight people have to determine is they actually are straight. In todays society where it is more common to "come out" they may want to prove they are "straight". I know kinda crazy but I've heard it before.

    Good luck and if you need more chatting hit me up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 9:58 PM GMT
    fah real i want a secret gay cuddle buddy. theyre the best.
  • JimJim

    Posts: 58

    Mar 14, 2011 10:00 PM GMT
    tuckers_kahuna saidHe could be bi, or he could just be a narcissist. Straight guys who are narcissists just like the attention, sexual or otherwise, from either sex.

    I do think that in the last generation, so many straight guys are so open in their acceptance of sexuality that fooling around with a guy really isn't taboo anymore.

    I personally wouldn't draw the conclusion that he is gay or even fully bi. It's college experimentation definitely, but he might very well conclude that he likes girls better, so be prepared for that.

    Has he been actively chasing girls since you two have been fooling around?


    Hmm, those are some really interesting points. As far as I know he hasn't actively chased girls in quite a long time. His last female hookup was probably months ago (and he would have told me if he got any).

    It's kind of weird though thinking of a straight guy as just experimenting. If it were two straight girls deciding to experiment, I wouldn't think twice about it...I guess it's a societal double standard.

    A lot of people have said not to try and label him...which is fair, because based on my experience with him his sexuality isn't easily definable. But then, isn't calling him "straight" also a rather misleading label?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 10:02 PM GMT
    What is the one thing that ruins the majority of friendships involving gay guys...... anyone? anyone? Yes, that's right, the inability to keep their Dick in their pants. (ruins or complicates?
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Mar 14, 2011 10:04 PM GMT
    From personal experience, roommate situations like these get messy. If you can navigate around any analysis of what it means or what it "is", you MIGHT have a chance of making it last. But if you try to define it or make it into more than it is, chances are it's going to blow up in your face. And not in the good way. It can be emotionally tough to get past.

    If he is straight, and this is all it is, then you're not out there meeting emotionally available men who are more likely to give you everything you're looking for. And what if he finds a girlfriend and starts dating her? What if this also means he cuts you off? Are you prepared for that rejection?
  • grnranger99

    Posts: 225

    Mar 14, 2011 10:07 PM GMT
    He is using you just for sex. If he had a girl friend or dated more then I could understand you concerns. But right now you are just a play thing for him to use. See the situation for what it is. Enjoy it or leave it
  • JimJim

    Posts: 58

    Mar 14, 2011 10:09 PM GMT
    EricLA saidFrom personal experience, roommate situations like these get messy. If you can navigate around any analysis of what it means or what it "is", you MIGHT have a chance of making it last. But if you try to define it or make it into more than it is, chances are it's going to blow up in your face. And not in the good way. It can be emotionally tough to get past.

    If he is straight, and this is all it is, then you're not out there meeting emotionally available men who are more likely to give you everything you're looking for. And what if he finds a girlfriend and starts dating her? What if this also means he cuts you off? Are you prepared for that rejection?


    I mean...I'm just curious as to what it means on an intellectual level. As I've said before I don't consider us to be dating or together in any sense, and I'd be happy for him if he started dating someone. (I've actually been actively trying to get him to admit to his best female friend from high school that he's in love with her).

    So, I don't think it'll ruin our friendship or blow up in my face. I just am sort of intrigued how there are guys out there that are clearly attracted to men...and still claim to be 100% straight...
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Mar 14, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    Pretty-much-straight guy = lets you blow him, won't recip, stays your friend

    Pretty-close-to-bi guy = lets you stick your fingers in his ass...more than once.

    Having said that, I doubt he's unhappy. If he was, and he knows your gay, AND he's letting you blow him...there'd be some kind of mention.

    Most likely, he's curious and open to exploring. Because that's what you do in college. At the end of it, he's either going to accept his attraction to guys and pursue it further, or he's going to realize that at the end of the day, he may be attracted to both but more attracted to females.

    Sexuality is fluid, but if he's willing to keep talking to you after you've blown him it implies he's ok with what happened, which most closet-cases aren't.

    I think the biggest problem in this situation is yourself. Innately, you are not a problem, but if you start to develop feelings for him...he's probably going to break your heart.

    Of course, it could be one of those gay college love stories, but do yourself a favor and try not to put too much stock into it. Take it for what it is, which is a casual easy relationship, and as yourname2000 said, suck his fuckin brains out dude
    icon_twisted.gif
  • JimJim

    Posts: 58

    Mar 14, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    I've also noticed that he's slowly opening up. Last night we hooked up again...lots of kissing, naked rolling around and he even attempted sucking my cock for a little bit, which is something he seemed hesitant to try earlier. Was definitely a nice surprise icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 10:22 PM GMT
    JimJim saidI've also noticed that he's slowly opening up. Last night we hooked up again...lots of kissing, naked rolling around and he even attempted sucking my cock for a little bit, which is something he seemed hesitant to try earlier. Was definitely a nice surprise icon_razz.gif



    sounds like hes experimenting... tricky grounds, keep your emotions in check! guys like that are emotionally dangerous.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
    I think you just go with the flow, as it sounds as if he's using you as his coming out exploratory process. Here's hoping though that you're not shitting where you eat.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 11:33 PM GMT
    Get him drunk and see what else he's willing to do. Take advantage of him as he is taking advantage of you. ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 11:43 PM GMT
    JimJim said
    I mean...I'm just curious as to what it means on an intellectual level. As I've said before I don't consider us to be dating or together in any sense, and I'd be happy for him if he started dating someone. (I've actually been actively trying to get him to admit to his best female friend from high school that he's in love with her).

    So, I don't think it'll ruin our friendship or blow up in my face. I just am sort of intrigued how there are guys out there that are clearly attracted to men...and still claim to be 100% straight...


    First off you are holding onto Social Standards which mean absolutely nothing in todays era. Being Gay, Str8, or Bi are what they use to be. And quit trying to fucking label him holy shit balls batman... If you were so smart you'd stop with the analyzing & just accept him for what he believes he is. If he said he was purple skin toned... What right would it be of yours to tell him otherwise. If it's not hurting you who gives a fuck. This is where common sense beats up book-smarts, & out does street-smarts.
  • JimJim

    Posts: 58

    Mar 14, 2011 11:43 PM GMT
    A few people have responded that he's just using me. But aren't I using him just as much? I don't think it's right to just assume I'm the one being taken advantage of...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    FWB that lives with you. Don't mess it up by over analyzing the situation. That's how women fuck up relationships icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 11:52 PM GMT
    College is a time of sexual exploration and experimentation. Some guys just get horny and they wanna feel good, so they'll do stuff to get off... others are just curious about how it feels to be with another guy, and some are just bi. You won't know until later on down the road if/when he figures it out for himself.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 15, 2011 12:38 AM GMT
    Jim, I am going to give you some good advice. At least I hope you see it that way. Do not bring it up unless he wants to talk about it. He is young and probably trying to figure it all out. If I were you I would just enjoy the ride. I think you have the best of both worlds right now. I mean you have a friend whom you are sexually involved with. I do not think he is straight and in your heart you know it too but let him come terms with his own sexually when he is ready. I would say he is bi and I think you already know that so let the guy be and you just enjoy his company.

    By the way, I think you are a pretty good guy and friend for keeping his secret
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Mar 15, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    I mean does it really matter? Your relationship with him is nobody else business but yours.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Mar 15, 2011 1:19 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidMaybe we risk ruining a good thing by trying to measure it.

    Why does he need a label? If you're happy with the situation and he's happy with the situation, just suck his brains out and be done with it. icon_lol.gif

    Fuck, if I had a friend that even just wanted to cuddle on the down-low, I wouldn't be lookin' that gift horse in the mouth....your sitch sounds hot...enviably hot. icon_biggrin.gif

    This. Did you know that the harder we try to look things sometimes the more they defy explanation? Have fun, use protection and don't forget to brush and floss.