How to turn down a nice guy, without creating a drama.


  • Mar 14, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    Little intro: so i am quite new to dating. met a nice guy last week. had some decent conversion but we don't have much in common. It is evident that he wants a relationship but i don't. how would you turn him down? I wrote something down and hope you guys can make a few comments.

    "I think you are a very handsome, sexy, grounded nice guy, but since I have met you last week I have been having mix feelings. I am very out spoken usually, but for some odd reason many of our conversations end in silence. I don’t know if I am shy around you or we don’t have much in common. So I just want to be straightforward so you will not think I am in any intension trying to lead you on. Truly I think you are an exception guy, but I am just not ready yet. I am confident that you will find someone else perfect for you. I hope you all the best."

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    Mar 14, 2011 6:06 AM GMT
    "I find you attractive but I have to be honest... I don't think I have the same feelings you do. I do not wish to create any unnecessary tension between us and my personal belief is to never lead a person on. I think you are an exceptional guy but I don't feel you're the guy for me. I know you will find someone great who can return the feeling and I implore you to do so. I hope this doesn't leave you in a bad position as I honestly do care. If anything, I wish for us to remain cordial to each other and say "Hey" every so often as friends. I wish you the best __________."



    Don't do the whole commenting on what you think he lacks because then they'll think there is room for improvement, consider you a snob, and think that you just weren't giving them the fighting chance they deserved. Really... if you don't feel it, you just don't feel it.

  • Mar 14, 2011 6:31 AM GMT
    TrevorMark said"I find you attractive but I have to be honest... I don't think I have the same feelings you do. I do not wish to create any unnecessary tension between us and my personal belief is to never lead a person on. I think you are an exceptional guy but I don't feel you're the guy for me. I know you will find someone great who can return the feeling and I implore you to do so. I hope this doesn't leave you in a bad position as I honestly do care. If anything, I wish for us to remain cordial to each other and say "Hey" every so often as friends. I wish you the best __________."



    Don't do the whole commenting on what you think he lacks because then they'll think there is room for improvement, consider you a snob, and think that you just weren't giving them the fighting chance they deserved. Really... if you don't feel it, you just don't feel it.


    Thank you trevor mark. this really helps. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 14, 2011 6:36 AM GMT
    collegemuscleboi said
    TrevorMark said"I find you attractive but I have to be honest... I don't think I have the same feelings you do. I do not wish to create any unnecessary tension between us and my personal belief is to never lead a person on. I think you are an exceptional guy but I don't feel you're the guy for me. I know you will find someone great who can return the feeling and I implore you to do so. I hope this doesn't leave you in a bad position as I honestly do care. If anything, I wish for us to remain cordial to each other and say "Hey" every so often as friends. I wish you the best __________."



    Don't do the whole commenting on what you think he lacks because then they'll think there is room for improvement, consider you a snob, and think that you just weren't giving them the fighting chance they deserved. Really... if you don't feel it, you just don't feel it.


    Than you trevor mark. this really helps. icon_smile.gif

    No problem. Do it as if you would want it said to you without condescension.

    Because you do care enough to send the message out instead of just stopping communication. So do it as if they're a valuable friend.
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    Mar 14, 2011 7:10 AM GMT
    collegemuscleboi saidhow would you turn him down?


    You can just say you're not interested sexually and offer to be cordial acquaintances.

    As long as you haven't slept with him there shouldn't be issues. Issues usually creep up when you sleep with someone you really aren't interested in. Big no-no.
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    Mar 14, 2011 11:47 AM GMT
    Dude just be honest with him. A simple, polite "I'm sorry but I just don't think we have enough in common" ... "I don't see this going anywhere" ... etc is all you need. If he likes you then there is no magic way to say it without somewhat hurting his feelings.

    What you wrote was nice but it is a little longwinded and patronising.

    collegemuscleboi saidTruly I think you are an exceptional guy, but I am just not ready yet.


    This would be enough.

    Best of luck!
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    Mar 14, 2011 1:44 PM GMT
    I think if you tell him you're not ready yet he could very well get the mistaken idea that a time will come when you are ready and he may try to wait for you.

    You could always just tell him you like him but not romantically at all.icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Mar 14, 2011 1:58 PM GMT
    I don't mind gettin turned down icon_smile.gif, just don't flake or leave the conversation. Nice people last long though (not trying to be narcist or being tactless) icon_eek.gif. But we can always make room for improvements icon_smile.gif .
  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Mar 14, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    This is a plaster, be nice and curteous but get it over and done with, rip it off! Don't frett fuss or over think, "tell him you're not that into him, soz" Sod the script and just say you feel.
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    Mar 14, 2011 2:07 PM GMT
    Just be nice and say sorry you don't see it working out, if he really is a nice guy there will be no drama. Usually find that saying sorry makes guys nicer anyways then just being blunt about it. Add a little about how they are sure to easily find someone but you are not the right one for them.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Mar 14, 2011 2:12 PM GMT
    Less is more.
    I wouldn't make a big deal about it.
    (If you are going to make a big deal about it then give it a copy edit.)
  • EricPrado

    Posts: 206

    Mar 15, 2011 9:55 AM GMT
    "NEXT"
  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Mar 15, 2011 10:00 AM GMT
    EricPrado said"NEXT"


    icon_biggrin.gif me like
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Mar 15, 2011 10:01 AM GMT
    Everyone here has pretty much nailed it. Just use "I" statements and just be honest. However, don't dismiss him totally. I'd recommend you become friends regardless, if you can hack it. He may know someone; you may know someone. Everything has a reason-find out why you were supposed to meet him and then move on.

    peace,
    Bardy
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    Mar 15, 2011 10:10 AM GMT
    I think that if you tell a guy he is sexy, handsome, grounded, exceptional and attractive, but that you are not at all interested, you are going to confuse the hell out of him.

    Keep it simple,

    I like you as a friend, but I'm not looking for a relationship.

    After that give him space, let him reinitiate the friendship when he feels he's ready, don't torture the guy by initiating contact and being awesome.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 15, 2011 10:10 AM GMT
    i think you are leaving yourself open for many many problems. I would just say simply it was great meeting you and I enjoyed talking with you. However, I just do not think we are a good match. I do not think we have a lot in common and i am not sexually attracted to you. i get more of a friend vibe from you rather than someone i want to be with emotionally, physically, and sexually.

  • Mar 15, 2011 11:35 AM GMT
    this is all very good. how about someone you've slept with once and you don't wanna see him again.