Where's the Love?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 6:39 AM GMT
    Hey guys, I've always wondered something that seems to be rather significant in the gay community. Has anyone noticed the very high amount of "older" gay men that do not date, at all? The people that have no interest in romantic relationships, whatsoever? I know so many people even my own age that have been single for years and plan to keep it exactly that way. What is the story here?

    Hooking up - sure. Jumping around from guy to guy to guy - we're notorious for it. But completely blacking out any effort to realistically find love?

    Do we all get too jaded or burned out at some point? Do we just give up too easy? I'm about a year removed from a very volatile "divorce" that completely undermined my sanity but I do know that I want to fall in love again SOMEday with someone that is right for me, I can't imagine anyone being more jaded than I was but for it to last years?...

    I'd definitely love to know your thoughts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 6:53 AM GMT
    I'm too busy doing awesome life things
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    Mar 14, 2011 7:05 AM GMT
    I have never been qualified enough to have a relationship... My friends AND SO MANY LITTLE BROTHERS I HAVE BEEN GIFTED TO HAVE tend to fill that gap. Love is love with or without a sexual frenzy... I don't need sex anymore and I don't want it anymore cause it never gave me a damn thing... Other than HIV and eventually AIDS. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT IS LOVE.
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    Mar 14, 2011 1:37 PM GMT

    There are reasons other than being jaded. A couple of examples: for some there are health issues and for others the loss of their partner (death) left them with a deep grief that they don't want to repeat. They experienced the love of their lives and feel it was sufficient.

    -Doug
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    Mar 14, 2011 2:17 PM GMT
    I think it would be foolish to turn down love even if you're not completely prepared for it. You can neither predict nor control this stuff. My mantra is, enjoy the ride while it lasts and drop it when it no longer works.
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    Mar 14, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    I have always believed in love and still do. However, I'm at a crossroads. I've dated extensively in the past and am now purposely halting the process. I would prefer to focus on other aspects of my life. Perhaps I'm jaded, cynical, on a hiatus, or undergoing a personal transformation. I don't quite know... However, I suppose I will just not romanticize love as much as I did in the past.
  • Mako_Shark

    Posts: 222

    Mar 14, 2011 7:03 PM GMT
    I think the issue isn't that we are completely against love, it's just that we're content with being single until we find someone that suits us to a tee. I've dated enough guys that have left me unfulfilled, that I'm not going to settle down until I find the person that makes me go "whoa" from the get-go. I'm not afraid to wait till I find him. Also, with enough dating experiences, you tend to have higher expectations of the guys you give a chance to, probably due to judging them based on previous guys you've dated. Some guys wont make it to date number two because they have similar character traits to certain guys I've dated and failed at. Also, if we've been fortunate enough to have dated someone who, upon first meeting them, stopped us in our tracks and took our breath away, we wait till we find the next guy who can do the same. Just my two cents...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2011 10:27 PM GMT
    This is always a topic of conversation between my bf and I.Our local gay bar closed after a short run and we have been trying to entertain every so often to keep our gay pals together.We know maybe 4 other gay couples and all of them have a pretty much open relationship.90% of our friends are single.And yes we know quite a few older gay men lets say over 55 who are not looking at all.It seems gay relationships can be very complicated at any age.lol
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    Mar 14, 2011 10:36 PM GMT
    i think at one point or another, you just have to stop, check yourself..update and keep going, i know after my last disaster dating spree, i will take a break until further notice, i still believe in love, and believe i will someday find that man that will make me weak in the knees, and give me butterflies in my stomach everytime i see him, until then, im focusing on me, fuck men, i only need me to be happy icon_smile.gif if someone does come along that compliments me well, ill welcome it with open arms.

    ps. dallas, soon? yeah? icon_biggrin.gif
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Mar 14, 2011 11:26 PM GMT
    OP, sit yourself down and think very hared for a while about what the gay community thinks of youth and age. Then ask yourself the same question again.
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    Mar 15, 2011 12:03 AM GMT
    Less than 1% of the population in general - all sexualities included - are capable of holding a relationship "till death do they part."
    My question: What's the fucking point in trying? I'd rather enjoy my life being single, and having friends [with benefits] rather than wasting my entire life being pissed at some dude who gets moody every time we disagree on someplace to eat.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2011 12:40 AM GMT
    I believe it comes down to each individuals personal timing. There maybe several factors in their current life that puts off relationships to the side: work, finance, just got of a relationship, etc...the list goes on and on. I believe that we should all respect each others timing when it comes to this. Just find the guy who is ready and willing! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 15, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    I think falling in love requires being naive to some extent......i'm not naive anymore.....been around the block a few dozen times, been burned every time, and just don't have the time, energy or desire to do it any more. i've heard every line and i don't believe any of them anymore.......and hello, i'm a little too old now at this point to see much worth in taking a risk partnering up with someone for a few years only to end up single again and trying to put the pieces back together. i'm done with it.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Mar 15, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    LJay saidOP, sit yourself down and think very hared for a while about what the gay community thinks of youth and age. Then ask yourself the same question again.


    This. Also, we live in an age of inflated expectation and diminished patience.
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    Mar 15, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    ScottSometimes saidI think falling in love requires being naive to some extent......i'm not naive anymore.....been around the block a few dozen times, been burned every time, and just don't have the time, energy or desire to do it any more. i've heard every line and i don't believe any of them anymore.......and hello, i'm a little too old now at this point to see much worth in taking a risk partnering up with someone for a few years only to end up single again and trying to put the pieces back together. i'm done with it.



    ...but... i love you scott...

    no wait, i love my IDEA of you.

    (nerd)

    okay.

    continue discussion. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    this thread reminds me of..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    love is just a four letter word........................Judy Collins...........or was it Joan Baez?............old ageicon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    how many "straight" couples are still together at an old age?

    now how many of those stick around cuz they had kids together / are legally binded to? how many of them are still happy??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    starboard5 said
    LJay saidOP, sit yourself down and think very hared for a while about what the gay community thinks of youth and age. Then ask yourself the same question again.


    This. Also, we live in an age of inflated expectation and diminished patience.


    lol, it does seem that way, doesn't it?

    -Doug
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    Mar 15, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    It's because a lot of gays in our community see age as a curse....Something to stay clear of....I pity them a lot of older, supportive, loving men to be had...BUD
  • dissociative

    Posts: 45

    Mar 15, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    BRafael saidi think at one point or another, you just have to stop, check yourself..update and keep going, i know after my last disaster dating spree, i will take a break until further notice, i still believe in love, and believe i will someday find that man that will make me weak in the knees, and give me butterflies in my stomach everytime i see him, until then, im focusing on me, fuck men, i only need me to be happy icon_smile.gif if someone does come along that compliments me well, ill welcome it with open arms.

    ps. dallas, soon? yeah? icon_biggrin.gif


    I'm in the same situation. Closed until further notice, LOL. I just got tired of it all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    Because we just don't have the charisma that you do, heartofthewest!
    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    ScottSometimes saidI think falling in love requires being naive to some extent......i'm not naive anymore.....been around the block a few dozen times, been burned every time, and just don't have the time, energy or desire to do it any more. i've heard every line and i don't believe any of them anymore.......and hello, i'm a little too old now at this point to see much worth in taking a risk partnering up with someone for a few years only to end up single again and trying to put the pieces back together. i'm done with it.


    Or perhaps it just requires an internal innocence in believing in another. I had to put the pieces back together by myself until I was 34. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
  • JDean

    Posts: 166

    Mar 15, 2011 5:04 AM GMT
    I'm not sure what part it is, the text itself or the sincerity behind it, or the fact that we do this to each other that makes this such a depressing thread.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 15, 2011 5:10 AM GMT
    It's The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of.....icon_wink.gif