How many of you still lie to others that you are not a gay?

  • DKnight

    Posts: 152

    Mar 15, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    *sigh* I dont know! Seriously, I am still afraid to admit it in public. Damn, I really dont like this! Sometimes, being yourself is kind of bullshit. In reality, I am still acting like a straight. I know how to play with them, however, sometimes I feel... uncomfortable. Shit, I am really down now. Actually, I dont know how to adjust my attitude when hearing my friends saying that You are a gay? ha... I am a loser now.
  • BeingThePhoen...

    Posts: 1157

    Mar 15, 2011 4:05 PM GMT
    DKnight said *sigh* I dont know! Seriously, I am still afraid to admit it in public. Damn, I really dont like this! Sometimes, being yourself is kind of bullshit. In reality, I am still acting like a straight. I know how to play with them, however, sometimes I feel... uncomfortable. Shit, I am really down now. Actually, I dont know how to adjust my attitude when hearing my friends saying that You are a gay? ha... I am a loser now.

    I don't just come out in random conversations, but if I am asked flat out, I won't lie and if the conversation goes in that direction I have no qualms about letting them know I'm gay.
  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Mar 15, 2011 4:07 PM GMT
    All the time, mainly to family and even to nobodies, both cases I don't want them knowing my business, different reasons.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 15, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    You are young, it's just like a straight person figuring out how to deal with dating, flirting, how to truly be themselves instead of trying to fit in, etc. It takes time. Time will reveal the answers, please give yourself time.
  • DKnight

    Posts: 152

    Mar 15, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidYou are young, it's just like a straight person figuring out how to deal with dating, flirting, how to truly be themselves instead of trying to fit in, etc. It takes time. Time will reveal the answers, please give yourself time.


    Thanks for you advise. Maybe I just need some time. But... I dont know. What's use of giving myself time? It's just like someone tells you keeping walking and you will find beautiful things out there. What if time couldnt prove anything? Doesn't mean I waste my time waiting for nothing? Just like En attendant Godot... waiting for something that you are not sure it would come.
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Mar 15, 2011 4:44 PM GMT
    i just dont display it all the time, if ppl ask then i will say yes.
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    Mar 15, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    i come out to the people i trust or who i think are very open minded or to nobodies lol. i keep it from those religious zealots.

    for example, i have two co-workers that are super religious. they think their god didn't create gays as they are not "normal". i always retaliate with another argument and theyre always speechlessicon_smile.gif
    these are really nice people and they said that they won't mind if i'm gay but i think it will be better to not just tell them. it's always scary..just gotta be careful.
    i had this close friend...came out to her and she doesnt speak to me that much anymore -_-
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    Mar 15, 2011 5:29 PM GMT
    I always state I'm gay to the public, when appropriate & suitable to the situation. A lot of my business transactions are irrelevant to my being gay, and so it's not mentioned, no more than the fact that I have Dutch, Irish, and a lot of other ancestry. Or that I'm right-handed. The key is relevance.

    But neither do I have any shame about who I am. I'm very proud (and happy) about being gay, and when it does have some relevance to the matter at hand, I make it clear.

    For instance, I go into a Williams-Sonoma store to buy my partner some kitchen item I know he wants (he's the cook in the family). And I say this is for "my partner." Not for my wife, not for my friend, and certainly not for me, but for my partner. Around here, they know what I mean.

    I don't know what happens when you say that in East Podunk, but I used to say that in Fargo, North Dakota, and I was treated with respect. And everywhere else I have ever been.

    We need to be out & about, gay & proud, and that is worth as much as all our gay pride parades combined. Show them our presence, do not hesitate to identify ourselves as gay when appropriate. In short, simply be PROUD.

    I am. Are you?
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    Mar 15, 2011 6:13 PM GMT
    I dont lie, I just dont show it. If people ask then I would say it.
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    Mar 15, 2011 6:15 PM GMT
    Never really had a problem with it, on a day to day basic is never comes up only rarely do people ask and when they do I tell them the truth and life moves on as if nothing happened
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    Mar 15, 2011 6:40 PM GMT
    needleninja saidi just dont display it all the time, if ppl ask then i will say yes.


    ^^This.

    It's one thing to be gay, which is perfectly fine, but it's another to act gay (living a stereotype) and broadcast it. People can know you are gay and 9x out of 10 they probably already do know you are gay. They just don't know who you are gay with. That's the kicker and that is your business. Don't go around saying you act straight. That's the first step to becoming a loser because you don't fully accept yourself. If you are gonna say you are "straight-acting" then I expect you to be banging pussy to convince me or anyone else of that role in order to grab that acting award otherwise you are just being a scared, unaccepting, denying and self-loathing poser. You're better then that.

    Once you clear that hurdle of identifying who you are and can embrace it, you'll be living your life normally with no regrets and just like everyone else. I realize it's not gonna happen over night but you need to stop beating yourself up over it. As far as your friends goes.....if you can't respect yourself then naturally they aren't gonna respect you so maybe the next time you hear them cracking some "You're gay" remark you might wanna but them in check on the situation. if they can't respect you and who you are on a sexual then you might wanna find some new friends.

    You'll be fine.Best of luck.
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    Mar 15, 2011 6:52 PM GMT
    straight is the new gay..

  • mumbleB

    Posts: 31

    Mar 15, 2011 6:55 PM GMT
    I don't really lie about it. I don't flaunt it but I don't hide it either.

    Now everyone outside of my immediate family I haven't told. The only time I ever see any of them is around holidays. If that. It just never seems like the appropriate time. However Facebook has done the work for me for a few family members. icon_razz.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 15, 2011 6:58 PM GMT
    Understand, there is a difference between "lying" and "appropriate disclosure".

    I'm very comfortable with who I am, but to announce it is kind of ridiculous.
    I disclose it if appropriate, most people don't need to know. I don't "disclose" various aspects of myself unless it makes sense to do so.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 15, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    i do not tell people about my sexuality because it never comes up.
  • KONAMI55

    Posts: 100

    Mar 15, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    I do not lie about my sexuality at all, but I am sure 98% of the guys on here still do. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2011 7:13 PM GMT
    To those who need to know, I tell the truth. To those who don't need to know, I tell them it is none of their business. To those who see me walking down the street holding my man's hand, no explanation is necessary.
  • KONAMI55

    Posts: 100

    Mar 15, 2011 7:13 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidI always state I'm gay to the public, when appropriate & suitable to the situation. A lot of my business transactions are irrelevant to my being gay, and so it's not mentioned, no more than the fact that I have Dutch, Irish, and a lot of other ancestry. Or that I'm right-handed. The key is relevance.

    But neither do I have any shame about who I am. I'm very proud (and happy) about being gay, and when it does have some relevance to the matter at hand, I make it clear.

    For instance, I go into a Williams-Sonoma store to buy my partner some kitchen item I know he wants (he's the cook in the family). And I say this is for "my partner." Not for my wife, not for my friend, and certainly not for me, but for my partner. Around here, they know what I mean.

    I don't know what happens when you say that in East Podunk, but I used to say that in Fargo, North Dakota, and I was treated with respect. And everywhere else I have ever been.

    We need to be out & about, gay & proud, and that is worth as much as all our gay pride parades combined. Show them our presence, do not hesitate to identify ourselves as gay when appropriate, In short, simply be PROUD.

    I am. Are you?


    Best answer ever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    People never ask if I am, and usually assume I'm straight... so I sometimes have to go out of my way to correct the gender of their wording. If, for instance, the fact that I have a date comes up in conversation at work, I'll usually let the "where are you taking her" comments slide by, but sometimes I'll correct and say, "Well, I'm taking him to see Tron" or whatnot.

    I figure, in general, it's no one's business but my own. I won't lie about it, but I won't go out of my way to "out" myself either. If I feel comfortable with the other person, then I'll correct their assumption of my being straight. But not always. It just depends on the situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    Online? If people ask I'll tell them. It's usually not one of the first things I feel like telling people.

    In real life? I deny it if they ask.
  • JockChefJim

    Posts: 373

    Mar 16, 2011 3:53 AM GMT
    Only with the military and even my lasy unit in MO knew about me......we just never talked about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    I'm changing this by degrees. I told my Mom and Dad over a year ago. I've told my friends about 2 years ago. I told my boss, who I have a great friendship with about 3 months ago.

    The biggest hurdle was telling my 13yr old son and I just did that last week.

    by degrees... nothing wrong with that.

    Don't be too hard for 'lying' to people about it. In poker you don't have to show your hand, nor do you in life. But seek to some end a social network where you can feel comfortable without holding your cards back.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2011 12:25 PM GMT
    I don't believe in lying about my sexuality, but I do believe in giving purposely ambiguous and ridiculous answers because it's nobodies goddamn business.

    For example, my roommate asked me if I was "a fag," and I responded that I was actually a ferret trapped in a human body, and as such human sexuality was of no concern to me.

    Fuck labels. Human sexuality is fluid, and IMO the definitions for it are just useless societal constructs that aren't universally used or agreed upon.
  • Jericophantom...

    Posts: 185

    Mar 18, 2011 12:50 PM GMT
    needleninja saidi just dont display it all the time, if ppl ask then i will say yes.


    Its not that I dont show it its just lots of people say I dont have the vibe or manurisms its like my homosexulity exist on another plane and they cant figure out why or how icon_confused.gif if asked I say of course I'm am fish does not appeal to me strictlyicon_idea.gif beef diet but other times to see there reaction later on when they find out lets me see what type of person they are
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    Mar 18, 2011 9:08 PM GMT
    I have not come out and I have known since I was 4...scared shitless